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  1. #31
    Senior Member Harlow_Jem's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mlittrell View Post
    my two best friends are those types (ENTJ and ENFJ) and they get along quite well indeed.
    I agree that any types can get along fantastically as friends provided there are enough shared interests and mutual respect for the fostering of a friendship; however, I think (especially for me) the dynamics of a romantic relationship and a friendship relationship are completely different. I can be friends with anyone but cannot fall in love or take on just anyone as a lover.

    Thus, there is a lot at stake in love. It's always a black or white/ all or nothing/do or die for me in love. I probably have a completely old fashioned and idealistic idea and attitudes towards love but that's just how it is for me.

    On a cosmic level, it seems as though he and I are not meant to touch on any sphere but I would fight the forces of the universe to the death for him. Either that, or I never want to see him ever again.

    "I have no need for good souls; an accomplice is what I want"--Sartre


    psychic changes are born in your heart, entertain.

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  2. #32
    Senior Member Nonsensical's Avatar
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    I was just reading something today that said that said that ENFJs and ENTJs are like mixing oil and water, not that are opposites, but that the ENxJ part of both of them makes them the dominant leader, which doesn't go well, because in their eyes, only one person is the leader..it's sort of like when two dogs meet, and they try to find the dominant male or female..well, maybe the same concept here, towards who the dominant leader is.

    Also, the T and the F don't mix, necessarily, because their leading values are set of different levels.
    Is it that by its indefiniteness it shadows forth the heartless voids and immensities of the universe, and thus stabs us from behind with the thought of annihilation, when beholding the white depths of the milky way?

  3. #33
    Senior Member Harlow_Jem's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OneWithSoul View Post
    I was just reading something today that said that said that ENFJs and ENTJs are like mixing oil and water, not that are opposites, but that the ENxJ part of both of them makes them the dominant leader, which doesn't go well, because in their eyes, only one person is the leader..it's sort of like when two dogs meet, and they try to find the dominant male or female..well, maybe the same concept here, towards who the dominant leader is.

    Also, the T and the F don't mix, necessarily, because their leading values are set of different levels.
    Yes, I read a relationship dynamic explanation between an ENFJ and ENTJ which said that both types are inclined towards the same types of aspirations and goals but it's hard to find a niche that either can fit into in the other's world/grand plans. When I read it, it just kind of blew me away at how accurate it portrayed my situation.

    Both of us are tend to naturally take the lead/dominant positions in most things, especially in social settings so in the past there used to be a sort of silent battle for domination whenever we hung out with other people in groups. But now we're both learning how to accommodate one another in our respective lives and it's kind of awesome how we now consciously/subconsciously take on a team mentality and rule situations together as if we've acknowledged that we support one another in ruling our universe as king and queen.

    "I have no need for good souls; an accomplice is what I want"--Sartre


    psychic changes are born in your heart, entertain.

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  4. #34
    Senior Member Harlow_Jem's Avatar
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    There are a lot of things that I'm learning about these complex individuals that are ENFJs. Just a thought I had from thinking about my personal situation is that their mode of interpersonal interaction is somewhat of a paradox as they desire/demand genuineness but won't accept it unless it's packaged in a nice box; genuineness that is sincere but blunt is rejected or seen as cold and insincere. Thus, if I try to explain myself in the ideal way that I think would clear up a situation, he'll just simply get defensive and angry; but if I reword things around and make sure it doesn't sound too "blunt" or "straightforward" he seems to take it better.

    It just seems to me like he's just asking for a manipulation then which really frustrates me.

    "I have no need for good souls; an accomplice is what I want"--Sartre


    psychic changes are born in your heart, entertain.

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  5. #35
    Member Nat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Harlow_Jem View Post
    There are a lot of things that I'm learning about these complex individuals that are ENFJs. Just a thought I had from thinking about my personal situation is that their mode of interpersonal interaction is somewhat of a paradox as they desire/demand genuineness but won't accept it unless it's packaged in a nice box; genuineness that is sincere but blunt is rejected or seen as cold and insincere. Thus, if I try to explain myself in the ideal way that I think would clear up a situation, he'll just simply get defensive and angry; but if I reword things around and make sure it doesn't sound too "blunt" or "straightforward" he seems to take it better.

    It just seems to me like he's just asking for a manipulation then which really frustrates me.
    I think the key is to be honest but tactful at the same time. You shouldn't need to sugar coat everything you say or be dishonest, but being blunt with someone who takes things to heart will lead them to feel under attack.

    I hope it all works out!

  6. #36
    Guerilla Urbanist Brendan's Avatar
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    You would get along fine with him if you spent as much time talking to him about this stuff as you talk to us about it.
    There is no such thing as separation from God.

  7. #37
    Senior Member Harlow_Jem's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brendan View Post
    You would get along fine with him if you spent as much time talking to him about this stuff as you talk to us about it.
    Believe me, I try. Whenever I try to talk to him about these things he just gets pissed and replies with either one word answers and doesn't seem to want to confront any conflicts. I think that whenever I try to bring these things up with him, he immediately gets defensive about everything because he can't get past the resentment and anger underneath it all (but I don't think he realizes this, which is a big problem because if I point it out, he'll most likely just get enraged).

    "I have no need for good souls; an accomplice is what I want"--Sartre


    psychic changes are born in your heart, entertain.

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  8. #38
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Harlow_Jem View Post
    Believe me, I try. Whenever I try to talk to him about these things he just gets pissed and replies with either one word answers and doesn't seem to want to confront any conflicts. I think that whenever I try to bring these things up with him, he immediately gets defensive about everything because he can't get past the resentment and anger underneath it all (but I don't think he realizes this, which is a big problem because if I point it out, he'll most likely just get enraged).
    Harlow, I find this doubtful. Relationships for ENFJs are practically our reasons for being. I cannot see myself acting like your bf is acting. I will talk and ruminate a relationship to death before I just clam up. I'd rather have a knock down drag out fight then run away from it.

    When I realize those communication barriers are too high to leap or maneuver my way around I just end it. It wouldn't be this melodramatic soap opera that is your relationship with this guy. And honestly, I'd really like to hear what he has to say about this. I'm wary of these one-sided, whoa is me, relationship problems. It's so easy to put the blame on the other person when they're not around to defend themselves or tell their side of what happen which is why I'm doubtful of the events surrounding your relationship with this guy. When I've been able to hear both sides of a relationship problem it takes on a completely different tone and the supposed victims create just as much drama as the perpetrators.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  9. #39
    Member g_vartan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    Harlow, I find this doubtful. Relationships for ENFJs are practically our reasons for being. I cannot see myself acting like your bf is acting. I will talk and ruminate a relationship to death before I just clam up. I'd rather have a knock down drag out fight then run away from it.

    When I realize those communication barriers are too high to leap or maneuver my way around I just end it. It wouldn't be this melodramatic soap opera that is your relationship with this guy. And honestly, I'd really like to hear what he has to say about this. I'm wary of these one-sided, whoa is me, relationship problems. It's so easy to put the blame on the other person when they're not around to defend themselves or tell their side of what happen which is why I'm doubtful of the events surrounding your relationship with this guy. When I've been able to hear both sides of a relationship problem it takes on a completely different tone and the supposed victims create just as much drama as the perpetrators.
    QFT.

  10. #40
    Courage is immortality Valiant's Avatar
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    My best friend is an ENFJ. I know a few more, and they stink, but he's fine. We talk a lot about life and the meaning of it, etc. And space exploration... Well, a lot. Computer games, weapons. He's a bigger gun-nut than I am...

    Mightier than the tread of marching armies is the power of an idea whose time has come

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