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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Harlow_Jem View Post
    Also, are ENFJ's typically seen as "mild" in relationships? As an E/INTJ, when I fall in love, it's kind of explosive and almost overbearingly intense to not only me, but I would assume to him as well. My ENFJ just seems so "mild" and laid back about things between us and I guess it's because he's used to feeling all the time so he knows how to control his emotions?

    So if I feel that sometimes his language and demeanor seem kind of mild, I kind of freak out and think crazy thoughts like, "omg it's over!!!" and realize it's far from over. Am I just insane?
    Have you considered the possibility that the feelings in question aren't as intense as you would perhaps like them to be? Not to be a wet blanket, but life's a drag.

  2. #22
    Senior Member Harlow_Jem's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jack Flak View Post
    Have you considered the possibility that the feelings in question aren't as intense as you would perhaps like them to be? Not to be a wet blanket, but life's a drag.
    Yes, I've definitely considered that but when someone says something like, "I can never stop thinking about you" I usually assume that their feelings are just as intense as I'd like them to be. Or am I wrong.

    "I have no need for good souls; an accomplice is what I want"--Sartre


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  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Harlow_Jem View Post
    Yes, I've definitely considered that but when someone says something like, "I can never stop thinking about you" I usually assume that their feelings are just as intense as I'd like them to be. Or am I wrong.
    If that's the only kind of thing he says, I would estimate everything's fine. But if that is alternated with statements like "I just don't know, Harlow Jem...I just don't know...", it may be a good idea to stay realistic.

  4. #24
    Senior Member Harlow_Jem's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jack Flak View Post
    If that's the only kind of thing he says, I would estimate everything's fine. But if that is alternated with statements like "I just don't know, Harlow Jem...I just don't know...", it may be a good idea to stay realistic.
    You are indeed being a wet blanket...



    Haha, no but really, I suppose it is best to stay realistic.

    "I have no need for good souls; an accomplice is what I want"--Sartre


    psychic changes are born in your heart, entertain.

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  5. #25
    Member Sunshine8's Avatar
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    Hi guys,

    I think it is very possible to get on well - my father is an ENTJ and my manager (who I work very closely with) is also an ENTJ. I have a good relationship with both of them.

    I wouldn't really say our types are opposites. ENFJs and INTJ/ENTJ have a lot more in common than they do differences:

    an immense curiousity for life
    strong passion and intensity
    high energy levels
    a desire for the authentic
    a hunger to develop our intelligence and understanding
    strong opinions and ethics, and
    a creative approach to problem-solving, etc.


    I think you could be a great match but would have quite a few arguments at times. But who doesn't in any intense or intimate relationship?

    In my experience, the hardest thing I find about hanging out with my dad is that a lot of the time he appears to underestimate my importance and intelligence and expands out his own...to fill the entire room. He is very passionate about his work but sometimes I feel like waving a flag that says 'Hi, yes, I am in the room'!!

    I know a lot of ENTJs have to fight the tendency to come across as arrogant and that is probably the one trait that sends me backing out the door - exhausted from 'not existing' in his eyes except as his audience.

    But back to you - I find it a little odd that your ENFJ is coming across as 'mild' in love. We are usually too far the other way and need to remind ourselves to chill out and take things as they come. Perhaps if he is a very self-developed ENFJ he might be on a personal journey learning to balance intimacy and solitude - in which case you could have a very sound base there.

    Has he been reading a lot of self-help or spiritual books lately?

    Here is a stab in the dark - could he feel as though you are wearing the pants too much in the relationship? ENFJs really want things to be equal and it is a big grate to feel like the underdog long term.

    Perhaps ask for his help on a few things (I am just guessing here - so please disregard if this sounds like irrelevant crap!) or try asking him about opinions on things without passing judgement or cutting him down. A lot of ENFJs have super srtong opinions about current affairs and government policy etc, but will not share them unless they believe they have an open-minded audience.

    In summary, relationships and intimacy are pretty much what a lot of ENFJs tend to live and breathe for. If you sense that he is not fully present then he might be emotionally 'hiding' to protect himself. Observe how he is around friends with whom he is fully relaxed and silly with. He might be feeling inadequate around you.

    Just some thoughts and good luck!!
    Sunshine8

    'A diplomat... is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.'
    - Caskie Stinnett

  6. #26
    Guerilla Urbanist Brendan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Harlow_Jem View Post
    Is it possible for E/INTJ's to interact peacefully with ENFJs at a profound, meaningful level?
    Hell yes! INTJ's make me giggle like no other!
    There is no such thing as separation from God.

  7. #27
    Senior Member Littlelostnf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Harlow_Jem View Post
    Yes, it's the same guy. And I know, I thought the bridge was demolished, trampled on, and then burned too. But the bridge has been scotch-taped back up and I'm trying to tip-toe as softly as I can on it.
    I'm not quite certain why after all of this you'd want to tip toe over such an unsteady, seemingly unsafe bridge as this one seems to be. Could you tell me why you're still trying? Scotch tape can only hold so much wait..and tip toeing can be soooo tiring.

    btw INTJ make me giggle too. I truly like the one I know.
    for my life is slowed up by thought and the need to understand what I am living.

  8. #28
    Senior Member Littlelostnf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sunshine8 View Post
    Hi guys,

    I think it is very possible to get on well - my father is an ENTJ and my manager (who I work very closely with) is also an ENTJ. I have a good relationship with both of them.

    I wouldn't really say our types are opposites. ENFJs and INTJ/ENTJ have a lot more in common than they do differences:

    an immense curiousity for life
    strong passion and intensity
    high energy levels
    a desire for the authentic
    a hunger to develop our intelligence and understanding
    strong opinions and ethics, and
    a creative approach to problem-solving, etc.


    I think you could be a great match but would have quite a few arguments at times. But who doesn't in any intense or intimate relationship?

    In my experience, the hardest thing I find about hanging out with my dad is that a lot of the time he appears to underestimate my importance and intelligence and expands out his own...to fill the entire room. He is very passionate about his work but sometimes I feel like waving a flag that says 'Hi, yes, I am in the room'!!

    I know a lot of ENTJs have to fight the tendency to come across as arrogant and that is probably the one trait that sends me backing out the door - exhausted from 'not existing' in his eyes except as his audience.

    But back to you - I find it a little odd that your ENFJ is coming across as 'mild' in love. We are usually too far the other way and need to remind ourselves to chill out and take things as they come. Perhaps if he is a very self-developed ENFJ he might be on a personal journey learning to balance intimacy and solitude - in which case you could have a very sound base there.

    Has he been reading a lot of self-help or spiritual books lately?

    Here is a stab in the dark - could he feel as though you are wearing the pants too much in the relationship? ENFJs really want things to be equal and it is a big grate to feel like the underdog long term.

    Perhaps ask for his help on a few things (I am just guessing here - so please disregard if this sounds like irrelevant crap!) or try asking him about opinions on things without passing judgement or cutting him down. A lot of ENFJs have super srtong opinions about current affairs and government policy etc, but will not share them unless they believe they have an open-minded audience.

    In summary, relationships and intimacy are pretty much what a lot of ENFJs tend to live and breathe for. If you sense that he is not fully present then he might be emotionally 'hiding' to protect himself. Observe how he is around friends with whom he is fully relaxed and silly with. He might be feeling inadequate around you.

    Just some thoughts and good luck!!

    Very good advice Sunshine...From one ENFJ to another..."Well done!"
    for my life is slowed up by thought and the need to understand what I am living.

  9. #29
    Senior Member Harlow_Jem's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sunshine8 View Post
    Hi guys,

    I think it is very possible to get on well - my father is an ENTJ and my manager (who I work very closely with) is also an ENTJ. I have a good relationship with both of them.

    I wouldn't really say our types are opposites. ENFJs and INTJ/ENTJ have a lot more in common than they do differences:

    an immense curiousity for life
    strong passion and intensity
    high energy levels
    a desire for the authentic
    a hunger to develop our intelligence and understanding
    strong opinions and ethics, and
    a creative approach to problem-solving, etc.


    I think you could be a great match but would have quite a few arguments at times. But who doesn't in any intense or intimate relationship?

    In my experience, the hardest thing I find about hanging out with my dad is that a lot of the time he appears to underestimate my importance and intelligence and expands out his own...to fill the entire room. He is very passionate about his work but sometimes I feel like waving a flag that says 'Hi, yes, I am in the room'!!

    I know a lot of ENTJs have to fight the tendency to come across as arrogant and that is probably the one trait that sends me backing out the door - exhausted from 'not existing' in his eyes except as his audience.

    But back to you - I find it a little odd that your ENFJ is coming across as 'mild' in love. We are usually too far the other way and need to remind ourselves to chill out and take things as they come. Perhaps if he is a very self-developed ENFJ he might be on a personal journey learning to balance intimacy and solitude - in which case you could have a very sound base there.

    Has he been reading a lot of self-help or spiritual books lately?

    Here is a stab in the dark - could he feel as though you are wearing the pants too much in the relationship? ENFJs really want things to be equal and it is a big grate to feel like the underdog long term.

    Perhaps ask for his help on a few things (I am just guessing here - so please disregard if this sounds like irrelevant crap!) or try asking him about opinions on things without passing judgement or cutting him down. A lot of ENFJs have super srtong opinions about current affairs and government policy etc, but will not share them unless they believe they have an open-minded audience.

    In summary, relationships and intimacy are pretty much what a lot of ENFJs tend to live and breathe for. If you sense that he is not fully present then he might be emotionally 'hiding' to protect himself. Observe how he is around friends with whom he is fully relaxed and silly with. He might be feeling inadequate around you.

    Just some thoughts and good luck!!
    Sweetnesss... makes complete sense!

    Quote Originally Posted by Brendan View Post
    Hell yes! INTJ's make me giggle like no other!
    It's true.. I can see that. He seems to think I'm the strangest bird he's ever met and thinks I'm hilariously fascinating to observe.

    Quote Originally Posted by Littlelostnf View Post
    I'm not quite certain why after all of this you'd want to tip toe over such an unsteady, seemingly unsafe bridge as this one seems to be. Could you tell me why you're still trying? Scotch tape can only hold so much wait..and tip toeing can be soooo tiring.
    Why? I suppose I have no rational answer for that. Love is insanity and causes one to take on completely irrational endeavors.

    "I have no need for good souls; an accomplice is what I want"--Sartre


    psychic changes are born in your heart, entertain.

    Blog

  10. #30
    Senior Member mlittrell's Avatar
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    my two best friends are those types (ENTJ and ENFJ) and they get along quite well indeed.
    "Honest differences are often a healthy sign of progress. "

    "You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty."

    "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."

    Mahatma Gandhi

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