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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Harlow_Jem View Post
    Right. But how exactly and what exactly is "softer in the way you approach issues"? I'm completely clueless as to the ABC's of that "softer" language. My ENFJ literally called me "clueless."
    The only method I have come up with so far, is to start any conversation when your going to confront an issue with, "This does no change my overall opinion of you." "I am not judging you." NFJs seem to feel like they are lacking or not good enough, if they were at fault or partially involved and are faced with that head on. Don't ask me how anyone comes to that conclusion. NFJs seem to take things really personally.

    I didn't learn any of that until after 2 years into a relationship with an NFJ.

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Harlow_Jem View Post
    Right. But how exactly and what exactly is "softer in the way you approach issues"? I'm completely clueless as to the ABC's of that "softer" language. My ENFJ literally called me "clueless."
    When talking, just imagine taking a longer route to get there. Its not perfect and its not as "productive" as being completely direct, but at least it'll get you started.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jack Flak View Post
    Before or after he read that letter?
    lol, I remember that thread. Are you still with this guy?!? Sounded like that bridge was burnt a long time ago.

  3. #13
    Senior Member Harlow_Jem's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Neo Genesis View Post
    When talking, just imagine taking a longer route to get there. Its not perfect and its not as "productive" as being completely direct, but at least it'll get you started.



    lol, I remember that thread. Are you still with this guy?!? Sounded like that bridge was burnt a long time ago.
    Yes, it's the same guy. And I know, I thought the bridge was demolished, trampled on, and then burned too. But the bridge has been scotch-taped back up and I'm trying to tip-toe as softly as I can on it.

    "I have no need for good souls; an accomplice is what I want"--Sartre


    psychic changes are born in your heart, entertain.

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  4. #14
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
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    IM(blunt)O,

    If he's unable to see that you're two different people (meaning if he doesn't stop laying his standards/expectations of the "right" way of being and approaching the world on to you) this has no chance. He needs to learn from you, too. Otherwise your relationship will have power dynamics. Teacher/student relationships should have power dynamics, parent/young child relationships should have power dynamics, friendships and romantic relationships should not.
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

  5. #15
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Yeah, if he can't be sensitive to your situation he's not worth the time. Yes, I say this as a somewhat jaded NF, but it is no less true. Compromise is to happen on both sides to meet each other's needs - otherwise it's pointless.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  6. #16
    Senior Member The Third Rider's Avatar
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    Well my best friend is an ENTJ and we get along perfectly fine. So I see now problems with that.
    ENFJ 3W4

    If you read this I am sorry to say that you just lost 5 seconds of your life that you wont be getting back.*

    *Actual time may vary.

  7. #17
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    My ENFJ sis dated an INTJ for about 3 years.

    They had completely different interests, but similar tastes in most things. I swear, part of what they liked best was getting moments where they could say "I told you so!" to each other. Luckily, they both LOVED arguing!

    Peaceful relations between the types? Not sure if THAT'S possible, but if both of them get a thrill from fighting then there's hope!
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  8. #18
    Senior Member Harlow_Jem's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    They had completely different interests, but similar tastes in most things. I swear, part of what they liked best was getting moments where they could say "I told you so!" to each other.
    Exactly what I find to be true for me and my ENFJ. Our interests might be vastly different, but we have almost identical tastes in a lot of things, most importantly in music. And he LOVES to say, "I told you!"

    "I have no need for good souls; an accomplice is what I want"--Sartre


    psychic changes are born in your heart, entertain.

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  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Usehername View Post
    Yes.

    But you need an NTJ who knows when to employ tact and when to respect someone's emotional state.
    and an nfj who isn't so freakin sensitive.

  10. #20
    Senior Member Harlow_Jem's Avatar
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    Also, are ENFJ's typically seen as "mild" in relationships? As an E/INTJ, when I fall in love, it's kind of explosive and almost overbearingly intense to not only me, but I would assume to him as well. My ENFJ just seems so "mild" and laid back about things between us and I guess it's because he's used to feeling all the time so he knows how to control his emotions?

    So if I feel that sometimes his language and demeanor seem kind of mild, I kind of freak out and think crazy thoughts like, "omg it's over!!!" and realize it's far from over. Am I just insane?

    "I have no need for good souls; an accomplice is what I want"--Sartre


    psychic changes are born in your heart, entertain.

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