User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 35

  1. #1
    Senior Member tibby's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    fool
    Posts
    688

    Default What to do with an INFP

    I don't know what to do with my INFP boyfriend. He's awesome; caring, considerate, loyal, understanding, calm, emphathetic - all the attributes I really hold in a high regard. I feel like we have a connection I've never had with anyone else. Still, I have a few things that I don't understand about him, or that really buzzle me.

    I don't always know how to react around him, cause he doesn't manifest his emotions in a way I'm used to seeing (I guess a lot of my friends are extraverted). I'm more like a chameleon - I tend to pick on the "vibes" from the other person and adjust, so sometimes it feels like it's very hard for me to be spontaneous around him, when I get my spontanenous,goofy moments (do I really need another extravert around me to be able to do that? ) I just thought, how would he react if I was to be really goofy and show him even that "crazy" side of me? It's really hard for me to do this if I don't know for sure how the other person takes it.

    And... He's told me that he has this one person in his life that he wants to bond and share "himself" with, and only that one. He doesn't feel the need to share his rich inner life with anyone else, so this would mean I'm the most important person to him. He wants love to be eternal - as do I, but no matter how tolerable and understanding I feel I am, it kinda feels like a lot of pressure. I guess he expects the same amount of intimacy from me, but on the contrary I have a lot of close people in my life that I couldn't start rating (I don't a lot, but basically my best friend and my family). Would I be very disappointing partner for him in the long run if I can't provide him what he wants and needs?

    I have this side to me that probably is the one that appeals to him (deep, introspective, understanding, intellectual)- but I also have this very out-going, charismatic and spontanenous side, which he doesn't.

    On the deeper level I couldn't imagine a better partner - but on the surface, I feel like my interest in interaction, humanitarian missions in general, communicating, having fun, work, are just things he doesn't necessarily "understand". I feel like he's excepting this depth of intimacy I'm never going to be able to provide, although I consider myself a pretty loyal, intimate and extremely caring partner.

    Actually now that I wrote this I feel like an idiot, because I'm ashamed of my "extravertness". I don't know what it is, cause I'm truly an introvert, but I'm just sort of naturally drawn to people, "human potential" and spending time with them, to understand. I wish I was like him cause I really like him and I would never want to do anything to hurt him. I'd want to give as much as I could to him - to support him, give him everything he needs, literally give him all those things he craves so deep in the quietness of his soul. But I (this is so weird and silly!) sometimes feel like he doesn't primarily "care" about me, that his priority is just to find "somebody" that will never leave him, and uses me as a tool for this meaning and as an access to his emotions (security?).

    I don't know what I'm babbling about If any of you have something to comment (that would make me understand how he might "see" me, cause I know you guys don't easily criticize others and tell if something's bothering you about another person) ,please do, I'd love to hear an "outsiders" thoughts, especially INFP's

  2. #2

    Default

    First thing is to understand what an INFP is. There is a type difference that will leave you pretty blinded to it. There's pretty long argument threads between INFJ and ENFP because of this also.

    The thing is we essentially work to the same goal, but our cognitive functions are mirrored. From what I know as INFJ you see feeling out in the world, you feel driven to do things for people, and to show you care. You want to make people comfortable. You also do a lot of deep thinking which you keep to yourself. As ENFP we see feeling in the person, and deep think out in the world. Everything is insanely core and linked. We don't look for comfort or happiness, we look to the soul, where you are, what you are really feeling in it all, where you are being held back from being who you could be. INFP is quite similar but has the feeling function first rather than intuition. The effect is just they seem more caught in feelings. And don't speak as much about their thoughts as ENFPs. But trust me on the fact that you could never be some object to fill a dream. If they love you then you are intricately beautiful to them in ways that you really are. And they see you, maybe sometimes better than you see yourself. Think also of how you idealise love, then make it be at the very core of you. He has probably also shown love in countless ways you miss. If you want to notice them, watch how he helps you develop positively on a personal level. It is subtle, but precise. He'll essentially clear up your thoughts for you. And if you are unsure what to do, love and care and give hugs, and most of all be open and let him see you. They can be slow to start with. But once you know them and they ease up, they are likely to make you feel pretty conservative.

    This is not the best description, but might help.
    Portrait of an INFP
    Freude, schöner Götterfunken Tochter aus Elysium, Wir betreten feuertrunken, Himmlische, dein Heiligtum! Deine Zauber binden wieder Was die Mode streng geteilt; Alle Menschen werden Brüder, Wo dein sanfter Flügel weilt.

  3. #3
    Senior Member r0wo1's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    9w1
    Socionics
    EII
    Posts
    186

    Default

    I just thought, how would he react if I was to be really goofy and show him even that "crazy" side of me? It's really hard for me to do this if I don't know for sure how the other person takes it.
    I think your best bet would just be to try it? You have been together for a while Im guessing after reading your post. And you haven't shown this side of you yet, he wont be expecting it, and he might even like it. It can't hurt to give it a try. Even if he doesn't like it most of us are pretting forgiving

    I guess he expects the same amount of intimacy from me, but on the contrary I have a lot of close people in my life that I couldn't start rating (I don't a lot, but basically my best friend and my family). Would I be very disappointing partner for him in the long run if I can't provide him what he wants and needs?
    From my standpoint, it can be kind of frustrating when trying to show love and caring for people who do not show the same amount of care and love in return. But for INFPs our level commitment is pretty deep and can be kind of difficult to match. I see this a lot for example with friends and sometimes even family, but the important thing for you to do, is simply to try your best. We know, even subconciously sometimes, that it can be hard to match our level of committment but the sincere effort is what counts a lot of the time.

    But I (this is so weird and silly!) sometimes feel like he doesn't primarily "care" about me, that his priority is just to find "somebody" that will never leave him, and uses me as a tool for this meaning and as an access to his emotions (security?).
    This is a common misconception, and I've seen it more then once. But what Noigmn said is dead on. We just get to lost in our thoughts or emotions sometimes, and it comes across as though we are disattached and even uncaring at times. But Noigmn nailed it on the head, and if I try to reword it, its not going to come out as well written.

    I hope I helped a little bit

  4. #4
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 sx/so
    Socionics
    IEI
    Posts
    8,559

    Default

    Just do what you're wanting to, sorry if we only show passion in extremes.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  5. #5
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    MBTI
    INFP
    Posts
    2,967

    Default

    No need to apologize, runvardh.

    We all do what we want to do and if it makes us a happier and more well-adjusted person I say, go for it!

    If you're happy feeling continuously betrayed and mistrustful I support that for you.
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

  6. #6
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    MBTI
    INFP
    Posts
    2,967

    Default

    'scuse I dumped this post in the wrong spot and thought you were responding to something I posted elsewhere, runvardh. My bad!

    Ignore.
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

  7. #7
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 sx/so
    Socionics
    IEI
    Posts
    8,559

    Default

    Anja, there is a delete function
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  8. #8
    Senior Member tibby's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    fool
    Posts
    688

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    Just do what you're wanting to, sorry if we only show passion in extremes.
    Hm, I didn't want to make this sound like I would be complaining about INFP's, you're my favourite type (along with ENFP's) I just want to understand him better - I always want to understand, I can over-analyze and I know it. I wouldn't change him for anything, and I'm not saying INFP's should be more extraverted. I'm sorry if it sounded like that :sad: .

    Thank you guys for your answers. I really appreciate it

  9. #9
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 sx/so
    Socionics
    IEI
    Posts
    8,559

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by tibby View Post
    Hm, I didn't want to make this sound like I would be complaining about INFP's, you're my favourite type (along with ENFP's) I just want to understand him better - I always want to understand, I can over-analyze and I know it. I wouldn't change him for anything, and I'm not saying INFP's should be more extraverted. I'm sorry if it sounded like that :sad: .

    Thank you guys for your answers. I really appreciate it
    It was a compulsive appology. What I wanted you to take from it was be you; not doing so robs him of what he's fallen for. Actually, that's the intimacy I'd throw bets at - the ability to totally and completely be yourself with him and allowing him to care about that.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  10. #10
    Senior Member tibby's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    fool
    Posts
    688

    Default

    I get what you mean

Similar Threads

  1. An Ethical Dilemma: What to do with BIIDs
    By Tellenbach in forum Philosophy and Spirituality
    Replies: 19
    Last Post: 06-14-2014, 03:30 PM
  2. [INFP] What to do about this INFP...
    By Katriona1992 in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 14
    Last Post: 08-21-2012, 08:10 PM
  3. What to do with a BA in Philosophy
    By Ezra in forum Academics and Careers
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 02-17-2009, 12:36 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO