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  1. #11
    Welcome to Sunnyside Mondo's Avatar
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    I think XXFJs just tend to be more open with emotions in general.

    As an XNFP, I am not open about my own emotions at all.

    I'm not even sure if I could do that with 'my true love' wherever she might be.
    I have a deep and private inner life- one that doesn't stem from introversion- but rather, if anything it stems from Intuition, having a rich imagination and rich fantasies.

    It's not necessarily a difference between introversion/extraversion. When I'm extraverting, I don't openly talk about my private life with people. I think that many Extraverts are actually MORE private about their inner life than those Introverts, simply because Extraverts often have a better idea of what to do and what not to do in social situations.
    MBTI Type: iNTj
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  2. #12
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Yeah, I'm just waiting for the right person to show it to. Not holding my breath, but the hope is there.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  3. #13
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    Yeah, I tend to just hide my emotions under a shell vs act like a chameleon. I often appear muted unless something really gets to me.

    I'm not sure if your INFP is the healthy variety or not, but the only way to test the long term viability of your relationship is to start showing him your goofy, extroverted side. Do it in that way that you INFJs do, where you slowly start introducing new aspects of your personality, like slowly peeling layers from an onion. You guys are good at that.

    I can't predict how he will react, as it depends on what he is looking for and how emotionally secure he is. However, sooner you get a feel for that the better.

    For what it's worth, I enjoyed the goofier and more extroverted sides of some of the INFJs I knew.

    Quote Originally Posted by tibby View Post
    And... He's told me that he has this one person in his life that he wants to bond and share "himself" with, and only that one. He doesn't feel the need to share his rich inner life with anyone else, so this would mean I'm the most important person to him. He wants love to be eternal - as do I, but no matter how tolerable and understanding I feel I am, it kinda feels like a lot of pressure. I guess he expects the same amount of intimacy from me, but on the contrary I have a lot of close people in my life that I couldn't start rating (I don't a lot, but basically my best friend and my family). Would I be very disappointing partner for him in the long run if I can't provide him what he wants and needs?
    This may or may not be as stress inducing as it sounds. I don't really feel the need to deeply share myself with people, so it wouldn't be too much for me to say I only really need one person. However, this doesn't mean I don't need to connect and bond with others, it's just that it isn't as deep or complete.

    Also, just because he only needs to connect with one person doesn't necessarily mean he expects the same from you.

    I have this side to me that probably is the one that appeals to him (deep, introspective, understanding, intellectual)- but I also have this very out-going, charismatic and spontanenous side, which he doesn't.
    An INFP that isn't spontaneous? Hmm.... Not unheard of, but curious. In what ways isn't he spontaneous?

    Actually now that I wrote this I feel like an idiot, because I'm ashamed of my "extravertness".
    I think your post was a bit hard on yourself. You're asking very smart and relevant questions, so don't beat yourself up too much. Also, please avoid the INFJ trap where you cut yourself down because you aren't a clone of your boyfriend. It's your differences that gives you guys opportunities to learn from each other.

  4. #14
    Senior Member tibby's Avatar
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    Hm, this made me very intrigued What is an unhealthy INFP like? (Not to say he is, but I just got interested)

  5. #15
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    His world goes dark.

  6. #16
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    Essentially, that's not a bad description.

    There are lots of threads devoted to the subject here, but it boils down to underdeveloped Fi. They won't share emotions or what they want, yet will hold a grudge and get upset if you fail to read their minds and anticipate their needs. Moody. Insecure. Selfish. Paranoid, reads too much into what someone says, and obsesses and lets it fester instead of just talking about it. Clingy. Uses passive-aggressiveness to avoid direct conflict. Uses Ne to find out how things can fail instead of go right. Misuses Te and has to know everything, obsessing on details while losing sight of the big picture.

    Of course, many of those aren't INFP exclusive. An unhealthy INFP may be intimidated by your having connections outside of the relationship though, whereas a healthy one will likely appreciate how easily you relate to others.

  7. #17
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    Yes, INFPs are remarkably like what you described. He's saying the classic sort of INFP stuff, I think (or maybe it's just what I've said before). "I want you and me to be two halves of one coin. I want us to share everything, and have a special place for just the two of us that others aren't invited to, where we can share everything and have no secrets." Imagine your INFP's soul as a mountain, and he's the hermit living at the top, painting these crazy paintings. What he's doing is inviting you to live on the mountaintop and paint with him, but don't bring anyone else in, and don't tell them what you're painting with him. At least that's how it sounds to me.

    It sounds extremely extreme, but I think that's just INFP Dramatic Syndrome (tendency to state things with earth-shattering weight). Unless I'm misunderstanding, just be yourself around him and let him know that you want to be really intimate with him, but you care about the world to.

    But I could be reading this all wrong.

  8. #18
    Senior Member tibby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zeldias View Post
    Yes, INFPs are remarkably like what you described. He's saying the classic sort of INFP stuff, I think (or maybe it's just what I've said before). "I want you and me to be two halves of one coin. I want us to share everything, and have a special place for just the two of us that others aren't invited to, where we can share everything and have no secrets." Imagine your INFP's soul as a mountain, and he's the hermit living at the top, painting these crazy paintings. What he's doing is inviting you to live on the mountaintop and paint with him, but don't bring anyone else in, and don't tell them what you're painting with him. At least that's how it sounds to me.

    It sounds extremely extreme, but I think that's just INFP Dramatic Syndrome (tendency to state things with earth-shattering weight). Unless I'm misunderstanding, just be yourself around him and let him know that you want to be really intimate with him, but you care about the world to.

    But I could be reading this all wrong.
    Actually that's very well put, cause I feel that's excatly how it is. Although I do value this in him immensely, it's also quite pressuring, cause I don't necessarily have that "need" as strong (well I don't have you guys' inner life ). What probably worries me the most is that I can't give him that, or at least with the depth he's expecting. I'm worried cause as an INFJ I feel like I'm probably one of the few people that have very good capacity to understand and appreciate him with this amount that I do, not only cause I truly want to help him reach his potential, dreams and give everything I can for him. In a way "nurture" his pains (well I do this with others as well).

    Do you INFP's usually get disappointed in people (especially to the significant others) ? And if you do ,how do you cope with it? One of the few things I've noticed is that it's so easy to take you as granted because of your humility and I definately don't want to fall into that trap, although he's making it hard sometimes, cause he's so invested in my needs so incredibly unselfishly . What I would like to make him feel like is the most special and appreciated person in the world.

  9. #19
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tibby View Post
    Actually that's very well put, cause I feel that's excatly how it is. Although I do value this in him immensely, it's also quite pressuring, cause I don't necessarily have that "need" as strong (well I don't have you guys' inner life ). What probably worries me the most is that I can't give him that, or at least with the depth he's expecting. I'm worried cause as an INFJ I feel like I'm probably one of the few people that have very good capacity to understand and appreciate him with this amount that I do, not only cause I truly want to help him reach his potential, dreams and give everything I can for him. In a way "nurture" his pains (well I do this with others as well).

    Do you INFP's usually get disappointed in people (especially to the significant others) ? And if you do ,how do you cope with it? One of the few things I've noticed is that it's so easy to take you as granted because of your humility and I definately don't want to fall into that trap, although he's making it hard sometimes, cause he's so invested in my needs so incredibly unselfishly . What I would like to make him feel like is the most special and appreciated person in the world.
    Recommend a day to just each other, either at his place or yours. Upon entry, grab him by the collar, pull him in, and plant a long hard passionate one on him. After that just let the day unfold. ^_^
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  10. #20
    Senior Member Leysing's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tibby View Post
    Do you INFP's usually get disappointed in people?
    (I'm speaking for myself now. Not sure about other INFPs.)

    I rarely get disappointed in people. I am far more often fascinated and pleasantly surprised. I'm not demanding (I'm the most demanding toward myself, I think it's introverted Judging) and I can forgive and give others the benefit of the doubt easily... maybe even too easily. The only thing I demand is freedom, but I want to give it to other people equally.

    The deepness thing doesn't disappoint or bother me. I know I spend more time inside my own head than many others who just happen to be different. I admire the more extroverted people and their abilities to maneuver in the world outside them. I'm awfully awkward when forced out of my thoughts.

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