User Tag List

First 12

Results 11 to 19 of 19

  1. #11
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    9,849

    Default

    Wait, let us find out more about this chick, if her T is relatively low, then perhaps she does know, but if it is relatively high, she probably doesn't.

    Also, in what ways was she flirting?

    My sister is very much so a one-of-the-guys type of gals, and she has a bazillion more male friends than she does female ones.

    I think this woman is being methodical in the ways she is acting towards your fiance, unless of course, she *genuinely* likes him, which might be a possibility.

    However, I think the fact that she has no idea that you dislike her acts as evidence towards the fact that she does not actually fancy your fiance, but rather views him as a person who can get her a promotion she so desperately wants.
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  2. #12
    The Destroyer Colors's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    ISTP
    Enneagram
    5x/o
    Posts
    1,271

    Default

    Acceptable levels of friendly flirting vary from couple to couple, and honestly, how is she supposed to read your mind? To cut her off like that is cold.

  3. #13
    Senior Member mwv6r's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Socionics
    INFj
    Posts
    208

    Default

    The flirting was enough that other friends began commenting on it to me, and when I confronted my boyfriend he acknowledged that she had been acting inappropriately. Examples of the flirting were large volumes of phone calls and text messages, cornering him at parties and talking his ear off with lots of flattery, telling him about her love life in detail and asking him to help her find a guy, turning the conversation back onto herself and into a one-on-one interaction with him if I ever tried to interject, etc.

    Thanks for all the comments, this is all very interesting. I had been pretty certain that this girl knew what she was doing and was just being very calculating and manipulative. I still think that's very possible but I'm not positive anymore. Thinking back, there are little instances that could seem to support either theory. I do think she's very strong on the thinking end and has a lot of trouble reading people. However, I also think she harbored some sort of feelings for my fiance (she seemed to get jealous if he paid me a compliment in front of her, and once I saw her get this look of unguarded happiness when he gave her a rare compliment). I've seen her flirt with a lot of her male coworkers (almost exclusively those who are her equals are above, she doesn't pay much attention to those below her), but she seemed particularly enamored with the ones who seemed immune to her wiles (such as my fiance). But whether that means she liked him or just liked the chase I'm not sure. She did seem to have feelings pretty bad for an ENTP coworker who is a friend of my fiancee's. He was the only one I can say 100% for sure that she had genuine feelings for. This guy knew she was infatuated with him, went on a couple dates with her, and then henceforth seemed to get pleasure out of tormenting her by talking to her constantly about how he liked some other girl. Before she was all out trying to get her claws in my guy I felt bad for her over that situation, but now of course I just think it's funny. (Karma!) What really strikes me in that situation though was how oblivious she was to the fact that Mr. ENTP clearly did this just to get under her skin, and how unguarded she was in her crush on him, even after he turned out to obviously be a jerk. That definitely makes me think she is way at the far reaches of the thinking scale, to have such little self-awareness and understanding of peoples' emotional motivations. Either way, I am glad she finally stopped trying to approach my fiance and I at parties/mixers. She got a promotion out of my fiance's office and seems to now be saving her flirting for bigger fish. I know some posters commented that I was being too passive aggressive with her, and that may be true, but I don't mind her making herself the victim in her own mind if it means she'll stay away from me. I just hope it lasts! I get the sense that if I lifted my guard with her for a moment she'd try to get right back in. Anyone else with insights about similar ESTJ women? I am kind of mystified by her behavior and would like to hear more insights or similar stories. Most of the ESTJ women I know may be assertive and blunt (among many positive traits, of course), but they don't approach anything near this girl's level of emotional coldness and unabashed flirtation. (I would say calculation but now I'm not completely sure that she's aware of what she's doing...)

  4. #14
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    9,849

    Default

    How sure are you that she is an ESTJ?
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  5. #15
    wholly charmed Spartacuss's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Posts
    677

    Default

    It may not even be calculating. Some people lack introspection and just kind of careen into action after action without acknowledging their motives to themselves.
    Ti (43); Ne (41.8); Te (33.7); Fi (30.5); Ni (27.5); Se (24.7); Si (21.5); Fe (17.3)
    The More You Know the Less You Need. - Aboriginal Saying

  6. #16
    Senior Member mwv6r's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Socionics
    INFj
    Posts
    208

    Default

    Pretty positive she's ESTJ. Very extroverted, traditional, conservative. Very work-oriented and talks about work a lot in social settings. Seems to enjoy managing others and can be bossy. Very critical of people she considers inefficient or not good at their job. Attractive but dresses conservatively. Attends church regularly, spends a lot of time with family, etc.

    Do you think she might be a different type? It is kind of strange seeing her personality traits on paper because it's hard to get my mind around how she can be so traditional and respectful of social traditions in many ways yet at the same time be such an attention seeker and flirt...

  7. #17
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    9,849

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by mwv6r View Post
    Pretty positive she's ESTJ. Very extroverted, traditional, conservative. Very work-oriented and talks about work a lot in social settings. Seems to enjoy managing others and can be bossy. Very critical of people she considers inefficient or not good at their job. Attractive but dresses conservatively. Attends church regularly, spends a lot of time with family, etc.

    Do you think she might be a different type? It is kind of strange seeing her personality traits on paper because it's hard to get my mind around how she can be so traditional and respectful of social traditions in many ways yet at the same time be such an attention seeker and flirt...
    Yeah, hmm, my sister, who is very much an ESTJ is very extroverted, aggressive and assertive. She is work-oriented simply because she is good at what she does and it pays very well, (she is a fan of acquiring lots of money), but outside of work she likes to pursue/engage in things that she enjoys and usually the last thing she wants to think about, let alone bring up, is work affairs.

    My sister isn't really conservative, per se, she is just very stuck in her ways and adheres to the most efficient and effective ways/methods in which to obtain the things she desires. Regarding her dress code, she does not dress conservatively but rather comfortably, she will however dress up every once in awhile.

    My sister is NOT a flirt, however, nor is she really an attention seeker though she may and does get a lot of it because she is an attractive, loud, domineering girl.

    Also, I am unsure if this is characteristic of the type in general, but my sister is pretty damn masculine, and this is evidently/apparently so.

    The girl that you describe sounds uber-girly and cunning in the way that she flirts, whereas my sister is kind of a retard in this department.
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  8. #18
    Senior Member Alpha Prime's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    MBTI
    XXXX
    Enneagram
    XXXX
    Socionics
    XXXX
    Posts
    250

    Default

    I've got the best solution for you: You are attracted to her, she is attracted to your bf, and your bf may enjoy a fling with her. Why not a menage a troi!
    Hit like a heavyweight, breathe deep, meditate
    Make the whole crowd get loud, make 'em levitate
    I ride through my city like a presidential candidate
    L-A-X, Phantom double-R, and accelerate

  9. #19
    Senior Member mwv6r's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Socionics
    INFj
    Posts
    208

    Default

    I know this thread is long dead but I have an interesting update... After finishing most of my library's books on Myers-Briggs personality typing I've recently started reading about personality disorders in my spare time -- how everyone has a primary and a couple of secondary disorders that they are prone to and have some characteristics of but do not demonstrate at the level of a full-blown disorder. (Only about 10% of people ever develop actual personality disorders.) For example, I learned that I am prone to an avoidant personality, my fiance is prone to an aggressive personality, my parents are prone to obsessive-compulsive personalities, but we don't cross the threshold into actual personality disorders, etc., etc. Well, long story short, after reading about narcissistic personality disorder it suddenly occurred to me that that label fit my former ESTJ friend to a t. (Not just being prone to narcissism, but I believe she has the actual disorder.) Self-absorbed, arrogant, need to be the center of attention, jockeys for power through manipulation and flattery, inability to relate to others' feelings, etc. In light of that all of our interactions with her make a lot more sense to me! I read that the best way to deal with narcissists is to ignore them (apparently confronting them will enrage the narcissist and may make them hell-bent on destroying you... so I think I'll stick with ignoring her, lol.) Anyway, I recommend The Personality Self-Portrait by John Oldham and Lois Morris if anyone is interested in learning more about this alternate theory on personality typing. A lot of the personality disorders seem to match up nicely with the various Myers-Briggs types; I'll probably post a new thread about that sometime soon :o)

Similar Threads

  1. [Enne] Need help understanding type 7 female
    By realkewl in forum Enneagram
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 10-27-2015, 02:36 PM
  2. [INFJ] Perceptive Dissonance (And the INFJ Female)
    By Skyward in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 31
    Last Post: 01-25-2011, 07:26 AM
  3. [MBTItm] INFJ female and INTP male
    By natashka in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 08-04-2010, 12:15 PM
  4. [ENFP] INFJ female, ENFP male; need input and help!
    By Hotherym in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 11-23-2009, 09:23 PM
  5. [ESTJ] Help understanding a screwed-up ESTJ?
    By mwv6r in forum The SJ Guardhouse (ESFJ, ISFJ, ESTJ, ISTJ)
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 03-18-2009, 08:53 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO