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[MBTI General] This ENFP guy is driving me crazy!

penelope

New member
Joined
Nov 17, 2008
Messages
249
MBTI Type
INxJ
Me = INFJ.

Him = ENFP.

I've spent some time with him. There've been romantic happenings, so there's no denial in attraction. And I'm on my toes with this guy. I can't get comfortable enough to feel confident (and I usually am) because I can tell he sees straight through me. It's like he knows me better than myself and I feel completely exposed, and I'm not sure if how it makes me feel is wrong or good. I'm extremely attracted to him and his intensity and confidence and it's a big change from guys in my past (usually I attract the guys that are as feminine as me or just as emotional). But I just can't get comfortable in my own skin around him. And I just can't tell how genuinely interested he is in me rather than a chase and capture or if it's even a power thing for him. He's very charming, very comedic, very confident and passionate in everything he does and I could so very easily be smitten. But something in my gut just can't get comfortable. Is this just because I've never met someone able to see past all my defenses? Or should I dig further and be careful?

The funny thing is that I'm irresistibly attracted to him... he's really got some sort of power over me. It's bizarre.

ps: is there some way to make this thread viewable to members only?
 

Cimarron

IRL is not real
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Aug 21, 2008
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3,417
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5w6
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sp/so
ps: is there some way to make this thread viewable to members only?
I think the "Personal Thread" sections of the forum are all member-only viewing. So this should be fine.
 
Last edited:

nomadic

mountain surfing
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Jul 15, 2008
Messages
1,709
MBTI Type
enfp
yeah, when things get like that for me with a girl... the best response she can have from recollection is question whether im like that with every girl i meet... and what i look for in a girl for a long term relationship. dunno for him, but for me, its very hard to be dishonest about those things...

And I just can't tell how genuinely interested he is in me rather than a chase and capture or if it's even a power thing for him.
 

Amargith

Hotel California
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*Smiles* See if he's willing to drop his walls around you, so you're both equally naked. And see if you can get him to seriously talk about intimate things. I'm not male, but for me there's a difference between flirting and genuinly being attracted and you can tell by wether or not my silly switch is on constantly, or if I'm really able to talk about serious stuff with you on a very very intimate level. If that's the case, then there is definite attraction.

Also, let him contact you. If you're just another girl to him, he will be too distracted to constantly contact you (too many projects). Do make it worth his while when he does! Otherwise, he'll move on. If he can't stay away from you, you have a pretty good chance at him being totally into you ;)

Good luck
Amargith

PS: to the male ENFPs, feel free to validate this or tell me it doesn't work this way for males ;)
 

penelope

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Oooh, thanks for that link... it helps explain a certain dynamic he and I have (and it's funny... we worked together on an artistic project yesterday and butted heads).

*Smiles* See if he's willing to drop his walls around you, so you're both equally naked. And see if you can get him to seriously talk about intimate things. I'm not male, but for me there's a difference between flirting and genuinly being attracted and you can tell by wether or not my silly switch is on constantly, or if I'm really able to talk about serious stuff with you on a very very intimate level. If that's the case, then there is definite attraction.

Also, let him contact you. If you're just another girl to him, he will be too distracted to constantly contact you (too many projects). Do make it worth his while when he does! Otherwise, he'll move on. If he can't stay away from you, you have a pretty good chance at him being totally into you ;)

Good luck
Amargith

PS: to the male ENFPs, feel free to validate this or tell me it doesn't work this way for males ;)

Hm, then it seems things are good, because he does drop his walls around me, is fairly personal and talks about intimate things willingly. And every time we've spent time together, he's initiated it. So that makes me feel a bit better... it's just so weird being around a type like him. I normally keep my close group of friends (lots of other INFs). :)

Thanks!

I could definitely use some input from the ENFP guys too... :puppy_dog_eyes:
 

Lady_X

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yeah...you're trying to control it...don't.
 

penelope

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yeah...you're trying to control it...don't.

Really? I think I'm just trying to feel my way around it because he's really throwing me off... and I'm faily uncomfortable with the dynamic that's created between he and I but I'm still really attracted to him.

Controlling, though. Possibly... I've been trying to learn how to let go and let things happen, but this situation is way too new for me to do that I think.
 

Lady_X

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i just mean you're trying to be in control of your faculties...haha...your reaction...most people do...but i think we like to be striped down naked and vulnerable and let things just happen...

and our confidence and willingness to do so can be intimidating to most people...at first...but i would never fake it...and if i like you you'll know it.
and it's very possible that it's completely irresponsible...

so...you can just go with it if you like him...or tell him to back off and give you a bit of room to get comfortable...he should respect that you need that.

from my perspective anyway...
 

Clownmaster

EvanTheClown (ETC)
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965
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2
As an ENFP guy, its really hard to tone down the intensity in relationships, or prospects for relationships, especially in early phases. I don't know how fast I should be moving emotionally. I can read how they react to what I say and do, but its hard to judge how much I should press my personality onto them.

From what you've said, he opens up to you just as much as he gets you to open up to him, which is a good thing. As long as I'm single, I do small flirting, little sexual references here and there to the girls I have any attraction or interest in at all, but when I'm actually interested in a girl I try to get to know her inner workings and craft a real bonding connection. The problem with this is that I'm so openly willing to make the attachment that I can only imagine it to be hard for someone less open to keep up.
And I can switch from intimate conversation mode to "hey lets go eat and socialize" jovial conversation mode on a whim, which must be confusing.
 

penelope

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And I can switch from intimate conversation mode to "hey lets go eat and socialize" jovial conversation mode on a whim, which must be confusing.

Haha, he does that all the time, but so do I.

Thanks so much for your input! He really just clouds my senses and it keeps me from being able to analyze him. As far as I've noticed, he's not too much of a flirt as he is charming and intimately so.

I really think it's just the combination of his intensity, charm, confidence, and ability to make me drop my defenses that really has me in a whirl... I can't slow down long enough from the rush he gives me to analyze how I feel or how he might feel and if I need to break away and put my guard back up in fear of getting hurt (there's the truth, eh?).
 

Lady_X

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^^ well if it makes you feel any better...he probably feels the same way and wishes he could slow down the intensity and analyze the situation...but he can't either.
 

penelope

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^^ well if it makes you feel any better...he probably feels the same way and wishes he could slow down the intensity and analyze the situation...but he can't either.

Really? That's funny, I totally get the impression that he knows exactly what's going on, but he claims that he really doesn't. (I mentioned to him how I feel like he sees straight through me and it makes me self-conscious).
 

Lady_X

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i'm sorry you feel self conscious...i'm sure that's the furthest from his intention...he's probably thinking...look baby i'm naked too...and feel more strongly then i can make sense of...we'll figure it out together.

eta:...but...i have no idea how much this sort of thing is type related...i'm most likely projecting...sorry, i'm new to this :)
 

Amargith

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Really? That's funny, I totally get the impression that he knows exactly what's going on, but he claims that he really doesn't. (I mentioned to him how I feel like he sees straight through me and it makes me self-conscious).

*Grin* To him it's a normal thing to do, prolly. I've had the same comment from friends, which was completely surprising to me. I always thought it was something everyone did.
 

penelope

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i'm sorry you feel self conscious...i'm sure that's the furthest from his intention...he's probably thinking...look baby i'm naked too...and feel more strongly then i can make sense of...we'll figure it out together.

Haha, it seems to be going in that direction. Whenever I spend time with him, the topic surfaces a little and we talk really plainly about the effect we have on each other (that sounds romantic, haha, but it's a completely analytic conversation).

*Grin* To him it's a normal thing to do, prolly. I've had the same comment from friends, which was completely surprising to me. I always thought it was something everyone did.

Yeah, he says hears that too from friends and it makes him sound like he has super powers, but he assures me he really doesn't. It's so bizarre, though, I always get the impression that he knows what he's able to do and has an upper hand on it. :doh:
 

Amargith

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Ask him to level the playing field :) He prolly already feels that you can do see into his soul as well, ya might as well get to see it ;) That way, nobody has the upper hand and your connection will be stronger still, something he prolly wants as well
 

penelope

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Ask him to level the playing field :) He prolly already feels that you can do see into his soul as well, ya might as well get to see it ;) That way, nobody has the upper hand and your connection will be stronger still, something he prolly wants as well

Yeah, I figure that I'll feel more comfortable as I get to know him better (which feels so backwards to me... I feel like he knows me better than I know him, based on intuition alone, which I usually confidently have an upper hand on). But the more we talk about about it, I think it'll help.

I hadn't really considered that he might feel the same as I do, confusion-wise. :shock:
 

Lady_X

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Yeah, I figure that I'll feel more comfortable as I get to know him better (which feels so backwards to me... I feel like he knows me better than I know him, based on intuition alone, which I usually confidently have an upper hand on). But the more we talk about about it, I think it'll help.

I hadn't really considered that he might feel the same as I do, confusion-wise. :shock:
oh absolutely...maybe it's the p that makes him embrace it...dance with it a bit :)
 

penelope

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oh absolutely...maybe it's the p that makes him embrace it...dance with it a bit :)

Haha, yeah, he probably gets a rush out of it too, but more in the adventure sense, whereas mine is in a loss-of-control sense.

I get it now! :lol:

This is why I need help from the ENFPs out there. :p I totally miss this stuff.
 
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