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  1. #31
    mountain surfing nomadic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Chase View Post
    Some insight from an ENFP male:

    When I am strongly attracted to a woman... she will generally become the focus of my attention. There is a pretty predictable pattern that I go into.

    First, I will find a way to spend a lot of time with you. I'll take you to as many different places as possible. I'll ask you as many different questions as I can think of. And I'll find a wide variety of activities to get you engaged. And while it may seem like I am doing everything randomly... almost everything is deliberate and planned (albeit planned on the fly). I'm constantly monitoring and developing new theories, putting together new patterns, and testing new ideas.

    Now while this is all can seem rather intense... what I am really doing is getting to know you and figuring out what makes you tick. I want to see what makes you laugh, what makes you hopeful, what scares you, what your favorite things in life are, etc.

    There is a secret though... if you reach that level of intimacy with me, you have already passed the prescreening process. I quickly sized you up and discovered something special about you that I want to understand and/or admire. And I care enough to take the time to learn all of your little quirks.

    The other secret is when I am in this mode, I don't judge. I am so consumed by wanting to understand what makes you tick that very little phases me. If you told me that you spent 10 years with a heroin habit that you finally kicked, my immediate thought would be "that's amazing to know! I wonder how that effected her and shaped her into who she is now."

    So do I see through you? Pretty close. Am I aware of what I am doing to you? Usually. Do I have super powers? Probably. But as an Idealist, I feel obligated to use my powers for good.

    Let me know if there is anything else you are curious about.
    oh yeah man. great job of putting it into words. esp. the bolded part!

  2. #32

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    Quote Originally Posted by penelope View Post
    Oh wow, thank you so much for that insight. It sounds pretty accurate to what I've experienced (and my suspicions to his "method"). Question, though, what causes and ENFP to become disinterested?
    Seeming disinterested normally comes when it has gone on a while and seemed to go nowhere. Probably doesn't mean he is really disinterested, just dismissing the possibility because he has learnt certain signals between you tend to lead to nothing. One nice thing is that this can change pretty quickly; It will pretty much change in a second when he sees something that redefines it. So it isn't really something to fix or worry about.

    And go for love and closeness . Like don't consider playing him and going for distance to make him want you more. To us playing him=playing him, and distance=distance. So send whatever signal you want him to receive. That doesn't mean don't flirt .

    p.s. great post also chase!
    Freude, schöner Götterfunken Tochter aus Elysium, Wir betreten feuertrunken, Himmlische, dein Heiligtum! Deine Zauber binden wieder Was die Mode streng geteilt; Alle Menschen werden Brüder, Wo dein sanfter Flügel weilt.

  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by penelope View Post
    Question, though, what causes and ENFP to become disinterested?
    More oft than not, the answer is "Time." Meaning that you may still be interesting to the ENFP, but eventually they become familiar enough with you that something else is more interesting than you are.

  4. #34

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jack Flak View Post
    More oft than not, the answer is "Time." Meaning that you may still be interesting to the ENFP, but eventually they become familiar enough with you that something else is more interesting than you are.
    This is quite true. Things being too static and information underload (ie. no stimulus), can cause disinterest. If it looks like a dead end, he will be running, or at least wanting to on some level. We value connection and find interest in a pretty wide range of things though, so it doesn't mean he will leave you as soon as he knows you well enough.

    Though I can say I was surprised there are long term members on this board who are ENFPs. Maybe the supply of information makes it endless entertainment which we don't get tired of.
    Freude, schöner Götterfunken Tochter aus Elysium, Wir betreten feuertrunken, Himmlische, dein Heiligtum! Deine Zauber binden wieder Was die Mode streng geteilt; Alle Menschen werden Brüder, Wo dein sanfter Flügel weilt.

  5. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jack Flak View Post
    More oft than not, the answer is "Time." Meaning that you may still be interesting to the ENFP, but eventually they become familiar enough with you that something else is more interesting than you are.
    I'm leaning towards half true here. There will be a certain point where I feel like I have a pretty good understanding about a person and one of two things will happen:

    Usually I will be grateful for the experience (having felt that it added to my understanding of humanity/myself/the world... and then find some new job/hobby/person to explore. (Though I will usually check in once in a while just to see how things have progressed, so yes you are still interesting).

    But when I'm lucky, I find someone who I deeply want in my life and will work hard to make it work. So when I go off exploring, they are the person I'm coming back home to report all of my experiences and new theories and some how encorporate those into our relationship. That is what's preferred.

    My need to learn/explore/understand is only matched by my desire to synthesize/explain/show. You can keep an ENFP around for years just by asking what they saw and what they think it means and what should be done. Notice that I said *should be done*... Never ask us what we are actually going to do about it. We've already explored it, analyzed it and then talked about it. Doing something about it is for the Judgers.

  6. #36
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    ^^^haha...yes! that's true
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  7. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Chase View Post
    I'm leaning towards half true here.
    Well of course it's only half true when you ignore the exception granting statement "More oft than not." Oh, you ENFPs, and your fractions.

  8. #38
    Senior Member Wild horses's Avatar
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    I agree with the fractional argument, LOLOL! I do think though that to stay interetsed in someone I have to decide to do so if you know what I mean? I also have to be given enough freedom to make that choice...
    ... couldn't drag me away

    eljko Ranatovic: argus
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    WildHorses: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
    eljko Ranatovic: to carry your genealogical code??

  9. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by penelope View Post
    Oh wow, thank you so much for that insight. It sounds pretty accurate to what I've experienced (and my suspicions to his "method"). Question, though, what causes and ENFP to become disinterested?
    Expecting me to fix your problems or being too needy and clingy. Ironic, because ENFP's love to fix problems and save the day while also getting as close to someone as is emotionally/psychologically possible. Then the neediness sets in, I get emotionally exhausted and subconciously start looking for ANY excuse to be away. A mad lot of Dr. Frankenstein's we are.

    Perhhaps that's why I my longest lasting relationships have been with ISTJ women. Never dated an INFJ (there are so few of them out there).

    What happens when the irresistable force (ENFP) meets the immovable object (ISTJ)? Shagging and lots of it. Until we start arguing about whether it should be spontaneous or scheduled in advanced assuming all chores are complete. Oh, but that's a problem for another day.

  10. #40
    IRL is not real Cimarron's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Chase View Post
    What happens when the irresistable force (ENFP) meets the immovable object (ISTJ)? Shagging and lots of it. Until we start arguing about whether it should be spontaneous or scheduled in advanced assuming all chores are complete. Oh, but that's a problem for another day.
    Hehe, that was classic, good line.

    But just to rain on this parade, I went out with an ENFP once, and it didn't last that long. ("Once" doesn't sound like much, but I've only had a few girlfriends total, so she's a main part of them.) It was also frustrating at times, as you've kind of mentioned. Now, I also have an ENFP friend, and he's lots of fun to hang out with. We get along fine. It was probably just circumstances.

    It's not supposed to be off-topic, just a kind of disclaimer to Chase's post.
    Last edited by Cimarron; 11-22-2008 at 08:15 PM. Reason: disclaimer of my own
    You can't spell "justice" without ISTJ.

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