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  1. #1
    Let's make this showy! raz's Avatar
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    Default Where are the ENFJs hiding?

    Those ENFJ's are proving to be people that I really like. So, where can I find more of them? How can I spot them?

  2. #2
    IRL is not real Cimarron's Avatar
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    Forgot to mention elsewhere that ENFJs are the rarest of the NFs on this board, hehe. But there are a few, very helpful ones...
    You can't spell "justice" without ISTJ.

  3. #3
    Let's make this showy! raz's Avatar
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    We're rare, and we're looking for a rare type. Cimarron, I think if we post enough, we might not look so rare!

  4. #4
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    You like them because you can abuse their kindness? ;]

  5. #5
    Senior Member The Third Rider's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lorkan View Post
    You like them because you can abuse their kindness? ;]
    ENFJ 3W4

    If you read this I am sorry to say that you just lost 5 seconds of your life that you wont be getting back.*

    *Actual time may vary.

  6. #6
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    Well I guess the question was kind of loaded...

  7. #7
    Senior Member Desperado44's Avatar
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    Its funny.....I don't meet many of us either....

    Also....I have to agree....I find that most people want us so they can abuse our kindness and genuine concern for others.

    We are suckers for the under dog.

    I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. --- Maya Angelou

  8. #8
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Desperado44 View Post
    Its funny.....I don't meet many of us either....

    Also....I have to agree....I find that most people want us so they can abuse our kindness and genuine concern for others.

    We are suckers for the under dog.

    Aww, Desperado you sound a little sullen.

    You don't have to be a prisoner of your Fe. You can choose who gets your kindness and sympathy and who doesn't.

    Little questions that have helped me:

    Is this my concern or my responsibility? Am I overstepping my boundaries?
    How much can I really do for this person?
    Am I truly willing and able to take this on? How will it affect me?
    Why am I attracted to the type of people who would abuse my sympathies?

    It's easy to get sucked into the "I do this that and the other; why can't they see I need help myself?" mentality and start throwing lightning bolts at people. The most helpful piece of advice I've gotten is asking myself why I attracted the type of people I did. Once I began to figure that out I thought of ways I could change my behavior and be more discriminating towards people. Don't feel obliged to welcome every sob story into your arms and deplete yourself. It's possible to find a balance between enjoying to help people and being munched on by overgrazers.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  9. #9
    Guerilla Urbanist Brendan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    Aww, Desperado you sound a little sullen.

    You don't have to be a prisoner of your Fe. You can choose who gets your kindness and sympathy and who doesn't.

    Little questions that have helped me:

    Is this my concern or my responsibility? Am I overstepping my boundaries?
    How much can I really do for this person?
    Am I truly willing and able to take this on? How will it affect me?
    Why am I attracted to the type of people who would abuse my sympathies?
    This is rather helpful.
    There is no such thing as separation from God.

  10. #10
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    I personally would like to know more ENFJ's myself. They do what I always wish to do for others but find it so hard to be so involved without losing myself. I feel like the underdog in their shadow, trying to measure up to their standards.

    What you guys need is a sob story person who is willing to help and repay you for your kindness and generosity. I usually help and repay those who aren't a sob story person, so it would be wonderful to be there for some ENFJ's.

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