User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 25

  1. #1
    Senor Membrane
    Join Date
    May 2008
    MBTI
    INFP
    Posts
    3,190

    Default Essence of People

    I've been thinking about people that I have hard time to level with. It seems to come down to me not being able to see their essence. To not have a feeling of what they are about. I am guessing this is an NF type of communication problem. So, tell me...

    1) What is the essence?

    Soul? Pattern of body language? Pattern of behavior?

    2) How it could be missing?

    It isn't there? It is inconsistent? I don't see the pattern?

    3) How can you find it if it isn't there?

    Please, don't keep your thoughts any way limited to the questions...

  2. #2
    movin melodies kiddykat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    4, 7
    Socionics
    IEE
    Posts
    1,115

    Default

    Hi Nolla,

    I completely get what you're saying.. I honestly think that people who are opposite from our temperament can say the exact same thing.. It's very much so a problem in interpersonal communication that exists when there is friction due to differences.

    The 'essence' of a person? For me- the 'whole package'- it's the vibe that I get from them- if we're on the same wave-length or not, an idiosyncratic feeling that's indescribable.

    When I don't get the essence of a person, it's usually, because something about them is so difficult that it's hard for me to really mesh with.. something about them in their personality that's so restrained, uptight, routine-like and restricting that I don't get.. almost to the point of being a cross hybrid between human & machine. That's the best of my ability of describing the essence of a person I don't quite understand. lol

  3. #3
    Senor Membrane
    Join Date
    May 2008
    MBTI
    INFP
    Posts
    3,190

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Viv View Post
    I honestly think that people who are opposite from our temperament can say the exact same thing.. It's very much so a problem in interpersonal communication that exists when there is friction due to differences.

    The 'essence' of a person? For me- the 'whole package'- it's the vibe that I get from them- if we're on the same wave-length or not, an idiosyncratic feeling that's indescribable.
    Do you think it is more like you don't like a person that you aren't on the same wave length with, or is it more like you don't get what he is about. To me, I can tolerate people I dislike better than the people I don't get. There is something freaky about them. If I don't like someone the communication is still a lot easier than with someone I don't get any vibes from.

    Quote Originally Posted by Viv View Post
    When I don't get the essence of a person, it's usually, because something about them is so difficult that it's hard for me to really mesh with.. something about them in their personality that's so restrained, uptight, routine-like and restricting that I don't get.. almost to the point of being a cross hybrid between human & machine. That's the best of my ability of describing the essence of a person I don't quite understand. lol
    This sounds familiar. There's always some hint of "mechanic" kind of behavior. Even if they are being funny and easygoing...

  4. #4
    Senior Member Kestrel's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    2w1
    Socionics
    EIE
    Posts
    138

    Default

    It seems to me that if you aren't getting *any* vibes, there might be some kind of interference. This is where it gets murky because it could be you, it could be them, or it's possibly both of you. Sometimes people don't want you to see their essence and they do a damn fine job of hiding it. Other times you get an essence but you wonder if it's real or authentic.

    Personally, I'm kinda picky about who I share my "full spectrum" with. But that still won't stop me from being friendly and open to people who want to talk to me.

    But yes, idiosyncratic details help me gauge if the person I'm dealing with is worth sharing my time with. If they speak alot, do their actions match their words or are they mostly hot air? If they're quiet, what does their body language tell me?

    I don't know if this helped, but it was worth a shot.
    I-44 N-88 F-62 J-67

    A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. -Winston Churchill

  5. #5
    Senor Membrane
    Join Date
    May 2008
    MBTI
    INFP
    Posts
    3,190

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Kestrel View Post
    Personally, I'm kinda picky about who I share my "full spectrum" with. But that still won't stop me from being friendly and open to people who want to talk to me.
    This is not an issue usually. If someone doesn't want to be like all open, that's fine, no one is open anyways. Or if someone has a fake surface, there still is something visible that is really their essence. But, I am totally puzzled when I can't get a grip of anything concrete in there. And I find it very hard to define what is it that should be there. It seems like they are missing a soul. And then it isn't anymore about whether or not I want to spend time with them, it becomes closer to whether I can understand their language. I hear the words but I don't know where they are coming from.

    I think I am making this conversation more blurry as I try to explain it.

  6. #6
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    FREE
    Enneagram
    594 sx/sp
    Socionics
    LII Ne
    Posts
    42,333

    Default

    I've tried to define this before, and I can't. You can't explain an intuitive process sufficiently through linear writing, just as you cannot explain how a perception works or why -- you can merely describe what you see or do not see.

    Most people, I interact with and I get a very strong imprint of who they are. Like I have "seen their face" and then I can recognize them anywhere we meet later. I just know who they are and what they'll probably do -- I would definitely label it as "essence." I "know" them.

    But there's a small percentage of people whose face I cannot see. I can't figure out whether that is a problem with my perception, or whether they truly have a face at all, or some other scenario. I can't connect with them, I can't anticipate their probable behavior/comments, I can't do anything at all with them. I have no idea who they actually ARE, although I can remember the surface-level interference.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  7. #7
    Senor Membrane
    Join Date
    May 2008
    MBTI
    INFP
    Posts
    3,190

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Most people, I interact with and I get a very strong imprint of who they are. Like I have "seen their face" and then I can recognize them anywhere we meet later. I just know who they are and what they'll probably do -- I would definitely label it as "essence." I "know" them.
    You are definitely talking about the same thing as I am. For a while I thought that maybe I am describing something that isn't there.. or something I imagined.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    But there's a small percentage of people whose face I cannot see. I can't figure out whether that is a problem with my perception, or whether they truly have a face at all, or some other scenario. I can't connect with them, I can't anticipate their probable behavior/comments, I can't do anything at all with them. I have no idea who they actually ARE, although I can remember the surface-level interference.
    Yes. Have you ever asked from other people if they have the same feeling about that particular person?

    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    I've tried to define this before, and I can't. You can't explain an intuitive process sufficiently through linear writing, just as you cannot explain how a perception works or why -- you can merely describe what you see or do not see.
    You know, I can't even think about this in the normal way. Very strange. It is like I have no conscious way to explain it. The essence just comes from somewhere and hoovers around the people and tells me how they are. It is like having a Merriam-Webster definition tagged to the person, but in a language that cannot be translated into this conscious language...

  8. #8
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    FREE
    Enneagram
    594 sx/sp
    Socionics
    LII Ne
    Posts
    42,333

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by nolla View Post
    You are definitely talking about the same thing as I am. For a while I thought that maybe I am describing something that isn't there.. or something I imagined.

    ...You know, I can't even think about this in the normal way. Very strange. It is like I have no conscious way to explain it. The essence just comes from somewhere and hoovers around the people and tells me how they are. It is like having a Merriam-Webster definition tagged to the person, but in a language that cannot be translated into this conscious language...
    It's sort of why I find "what type is so-and-so" conversations frustrating. A lot of my typing is more intuitive, seeing a person all at once in that mental flash, and any explanation I have for it always seems to be constructed after the fact. I use Thinking to check and vet the intuition, but it's just frustrating to not be able to explain what I'm seeing and why (and honestly, there is no "why" -- I just "see" it). You can't explain a cat by dissecting it and describing all of its component pieces; same thing for much of my type reading, the whole is far bigger than the collection of its parts.

    As an analogy, I feel like I'm in an art gallery and everyone's huddled around a painting and saying things like, "Oh it must be Whistler's Mother, because it's got a woman in it!" or "The light blue coloration of the paint clearly leads me to suspect Monet, since he used blue a lot," and meanwhile I'm just there looking right at the Mona Lisa and wondering why everyone is confused... or if I'm going psychotic.

    We're funny.

    Yes. Have you ever asked from other people if they have the same feeling about that particular person?
    Informally.

    Would you like to compare notes in PM?
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  9. #9
    Senor Membrane
    Join Date
    May 2008
    MBTI
    INFP
    Posts
    3,190

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    It's sort of why I find "what type is so-and-so" conversations frustrating. A lot of my typing is more intuitive, seeing a person all at once in that mental flash, and any explanation I have for it always seems to be constructed after the fact. I use Thinking to check and vet the intuition, but it's just frustrating to not be able to explain what I'm seeing and why (and honestly, there is no "why" -- I just "see" it). You can't explain a cat by dissecting it and describing all of its component pieces; same thing for much of my type reading, the whole is far bigger than the collection of its parts.
    I think this is the reason I am bad at typing people...

    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Would you like to compare notes in PM?
    WHO IS IT!

  10. #10
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    FREE
    Enneagram
    594 sx/sp
    Socionics
    LII Ne
    Posts
    42,333

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by nolla View Post
    I think this is the reason I am bad at typing people...



    WHO IS IT!
    YOU!

    ha ha
    j/k
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

Similar Threads

  1. [JCF] XNFPs and Knowing the "Essence" of People
    By finalcount in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 42
    Last Post: 07-30-2012, 10:36 AM
  2. [MBTItm] Essence of Feeling
    By SolitaryWalker in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: 04-20-2008, 05:20 PM
  3. Pictures of People?!?
    By miss fortune in forum The Bonfire
    Replies: 31
    Last Post: 03-24-2008, 10:00 AM
  4. [INTJ] Why do a lot of people seem to have lots of negative views about INTJs?
    By bai_lin83 in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 87
    Last Post: 01-21-2008, 12:30 AM
  5. Replies: 69
    Last Post: 08-10-2007, 12:05 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO