User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 50

  1. #1
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    MBTI
    yupp
    Posts
    29,776

    Default NFs and Letting go

    She drives me nuts when she's here, but I always miss her when she's gone. It's like we do have fun and we are good friends, and I understand her need to get help. Can't I be a little selfish and say I wish she hadn't left? I know I do say some pretty mean stuff about her, but I realized if I'm able to rip someone apart and let their actions affect me then I do care for them. Most people I wouldn't be bothered by what they do, it's like once I'm emotionally invested in someone I'm attached and I have a hard time letting go, even if I know I need to. I just can't let go, it's not that simple, I do better with the person leaving me. I know this will be a bad trait if I ever date and if I'm ever in an abusive relationship.

    So any other NFs have this problem? what is it about the people that repeatly hurt you cause you to stay? Is it low self-esteem, or is it something else. I know for me I see both the good and the bad in people and part of me hopes things will get better, but at the same time I don't expect them to. So if I have such low expectations for the other person, what is it that makes me stay? or you? I also I'm always aware of how much worse things could be so maybe that's why. I'm babbling sorry. Is it a maturity thing? when I mature more will I then be able to leave people easier? or will I always end up with the same type of self destructive people for friends?

    sorry I made this all about me, but I really do want other NFs experiences to read about, so ignore the above 2 paragraphs (mostly) and tell me about your relationships and letting go, and why you think you do this.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  2. #2
    nevermore lane777's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    635

    Default

    Not low self esteem, just plain loyalty will keep me in a bad relationship.

    Also, sometimes we take empathy too far: making excuses for the other person's poor behavior - did I provoke the bad behavior? Was their bad behavior justified in any way? It's not healthy. I think it's an F thing.
    To die would be an awfully big adventure - Peter Pan

    INFJ ~ 4w5 sp/sx ~ RLOAI ~ Inclusion e/w=1/0 (Melancholy Compulsive) Control: e/w=0/6 (Supine) Affection: e/w=4/0 (Phlegmatic Melancholy)

  3. #3
    Senior Member Wild horses's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Posts
    1,917

    Default

    I have that dreadful problem of seeing the world and it's dog through rose tinted glasses... I can be treated really badly but as long as I can still see the good in someone I will accept it... I'm really good at letting go though. I do find however, that I am not that great in making the break myself I prefer if the other person does it for me...
    (owch, just read the above and realised how falky it makes me sound)

  4. #4
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Socionics
    ENFp
    Posts
    878

    Default

    So any other NFs have this problem? what is it about the people that repeatly hurt you cause you to stay?
    It's the idealism. I highlight the good and ignore the bad to my own detriment.

    I think the solution is to recognize the tendency. Also, to admit that we're not really benefiting the situation by playing the matryr and if anything, we're doing serious damage to our emotional health in the long run.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Desperado44's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    MBTI
    ENFJ
    Posts
    471

    Default

    Well said by Lane.....and impressive that you recognize that at such a young age.

    I have such a strong sense of loyalty...that I will openly defend someone that is in the wrong. I always take the under dog.
    I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. --- Maya Angelou

  6. #6
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    infp
    Posts
    26

    Default

    A friend of mine recently told me that I self sabotage my relationships as to avoid any responsibility, then after the other has moved on I put her on a mantle and look back with a heavy soul as a child who loses a valued toy. I often only value a relationship after it's gone and enough time has passed for me to realize how deeply I cared for the person. I'm 31 and have had 4 intimate relationships, each of which I have ruined due to my handicap of finding too many faults in the now, and not seeing what a beautiful and delicate soul is loving back. Anyway, I'm having a hard time expressing myself at the moment so I will just stop.

  7. #7
    mountain surfing nomadic's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    MBTI
    enfp
    Posts
    1,709

    Default

    no i never have a hard time letting go, since I do what a lot of girls do, and move on and get in the next relationship. there's no reason why guys can't do the same. if u think the girl isn't doing the same thing, you are in for a nice surprise.

    to this day, once me and an ex break up, i never look back. there's one exception to this rule...

    in general, i think American media and mainstream society is pathetic when it comes to guys getting over ex-girlfriends. why the hell is there so much wallowing for guys? i can barely remember past real ex's. anything i learned with them is completely forgotten. of course, im sure it was painful at the time, adjusting, but i really forgot it. i strongly believe in trying to not be a shell of who you used to be, because thats not fair to the next person you are dating. many times, after a break up, i find myself reverting back to before I met them... listening to the same music that i listened to before them, thinking the same way as i did before I got with them. i remember how they smiled, thats about it. its weird, its like traveling back in time.

  8. #8
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Socionics
    INFP
    Posts
    238

    Default NFs and Letting Go

    Once I see potential in someone--even, maybe especially, if it's unrealizable--I'm hooked. I have to try to bring out what I see as a possibility in them. That, combined with loyalty, kept me in two bad marriages long after I should have left. You'd think I'd learn, and maybe I have, at least to a degree. In my current relationship (15 years), my partner did realize a lot of the potential I saw in her, but once the kids were raised and out on their own, she went right back to her old ways of workaholism. Loyalty keeps me from letting go of the relationship entirely, but I'm also moving on to another relationship that's more fulfilling to me (and, yes, I chose someone whose potential hooked me), so maybe I haven't learned anything, or haven't matured or whatever. I live with torn loyalties, unable to let go of either
    It's a blessing...and a curse.

    Originally Posted by Anja
    I don't have room for shame in my life.

    INFJ, 4w5 sx

  9. #9
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    9,849

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by cherchair View Post
    Once I see potential in someone--even, maybe especially, if it's unrealizable--I'm hooked. I have to try to bring out what I see as a possibility in them.
    So guilty of this, though I have been making a conscious effort at *not* doing this, because, well, *everyone* has potential.

    Also, NFs, beware of emotional vampires, please, they is the absolute worst!

    :horor:
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  10. #10
    Sniffles
    Guest

    Default

    Oh yeah, I had this problem with that one girl. I can only say that putting as much distance between you and the person in question helps greatly. Also you need to understand that healing from such experiences do take time. You can't force a broken heart to heal, you have to take it one day at a time.

    Quote Originally Posted by Modern Nomad View Post
    no i never have a hard time letting go, since I do what a lot of girls do, and move on and get in the next relationship. there's no reason why guys can't do the same. if u think the girl isn't doing the same thing, you are in for a nice surprise.

    in general, i think American media and mainstream society is pathetic when it comes to guys getting over ex-girlfriends. why the hell is there so much wallowing for guys? i can barely remember past real ex's. anything i learned with them is completely forgotten.
    I guess this proves the old saying of Women - last in, first out; Men - first in, last out.

Similar Threads

  1. [NF] Okay, so there's funny and then there's NF funny. Let's hear yours!
    By Ene in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 11-23-2012, 05:42 PM
  2. [NF] NF and ADD
    By GZA in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 26
    Last Post: 02-06-2011, 06:46 AM
  3. [NF] So my NF brethren...lets talk about you...and other general stuff
    By FalseHeartDothKnow in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 04-20-2010, 03:58 AM
  4. [INFP] NFs and pride, conflict, attitude?
    By Cindyrella in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 32
    Last Post: 12-27-2008, 07:23 AM
  5. Replies: 29
    Last Post: 07-16-2007, 01:47 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO