User Tag List

First 345

Results 41 to 50 of 50

  1. #41
    Member Pandar's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    78

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Falling Snow View Post
    [hugs Pandar tight]

    that is one of the saddest stories I've heard. What a terrible betrayal. All I can say is that your Dad has made a mistake - adults do. How you respond to this is your business of course, but just know that it is NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. Get on and live your life and never let this hold you back. Find other people to encourage you and to be proud of you. Hell, I'm proud of your achievement and I don't even know you.

    [goes away shaking her head and muttering]
    I am planning on calling him. To get some kind of closure. I don't think I can fully move on and trust males until I have done so. My trust issues have become an emotional barrier in my relationship w/ my boyfriend. I'm sure if this fissure had not occurred I would probably be a very different person, or at least more extroverted and sociable.
    I may burst into random song or sit quietly and read. I may argue about something I know nothing about, or help those in need. I don't know everything about the world, but I know me.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  2. #42
    Senior Member MafiaAngel180's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Posts
    133

    Default

    I used to believe in soulmates, but the world has ruined that for me. Though I might be bitter and jaded, I am and forever will be an idealist. I want one man. One love. And it sickens me to realize that I have been forced to trudge on and find several and lose several. Giving up? Letting go? What are these things you speak of? They are not in my vocabulary. The men I dated gave up on me. Mostly they gave up because it got tough. But I am a firm believer in working through things. Because if one wants to be married, that's what one does. So I am trying to practice that. However, if a man hit me or cheated on me...I would be done. But you will never see me giving up on the love of my life because of distance or some other minor setback. However, I think our society today makes it nearly impossible to tolerate anything. Let me explain...

    I am all for equal rights between the sexes. But at some point, men stopped needing women for anything. But specifically, companionship. Most of the men I've been with didn't need me even for companionship, they had their friends or someone else. And during that kind of situation...when one tiny, eesie weensie trivial disagreement occurs...BAM!!! They are gone, because you are easily replaced by someone who is one click away on the internet. Too many choices out there these days. Whether you disagree or not, it's how I feel. And until today....I felt alone with how much I actually tolerated with a man. What to tolerate and how much is what confuses me.

    Some of my female friends are hypocrites. They will tell me not to put up with a damned thing. Yet they would. Every person is going to have something about them that makes them a pain in the butt. Might as well make it work if you are in love.

  3. #43
    Senior Member mochajava's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    478

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by lane777 View Post
    Not low self esteem, just plain loyalty will keep me in a bad relationship.

    Also, sometimes we take empathy too far: making excuses for the other person's poor behavior - did I provoke the bad behavior? Was their bad behavior justified in any way? It's not healthy. I think it's an F thing.
    I make excuses for other people's bad behavior (or just behavior that doesn't work for me -- like very demanding or extraverted behaviors) rather than asking the one relevant question, "how is this affecting me, and am I okay with it?". It becomes a complex mess of, "oh, but she's far from home" "but he was hurt as a child" "but if I don't their feelings will be hurt, etc."

  4. #44
    Senior Member mochajava's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    478

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Pandar View Post
    I think I will always have that problem...My dad and I used to have a great relationship. And absolutely wonderful father-daughter whatchyamacallit. When I was fifteen my father hurt me emotionally, essentially damaging our relationship forever. He allowed my stepmother to yell at me for three hours and about halfway through I tried to leave. He told me to sit down, because I needed to hear what she had to say. Apparently what I needed to hear was a drunk woman raving about how her relationship with my father is more important than my relationship with him....

    I pretended to understand. Went along with the flow. I was halfway through a month long visit cross country, so I couldn't just up and leave. I was only fifteen. When my high school graduation started to come around the corner I notified my dad. Thinking that he would remember all the good stuff and put aside the negativity, from wherever it came from (I still don't know why he allowed the incident to occur or what I had done to offend my stepmother). I thought he would fly out here and be proud of me, I am his only child and my stepmother can not have children. No. He didn't respond to my first email. He responded to my second with 'I will not be attending'. No 'I apologize' no 'I'm sorry'. I didn't even receive a card from him.

    I've tried emailing him off and on. About my accomplishments or whatever was going on. No responses. I receive my American FFA Degree in October. Something that takes an average of five years to complete and is the highest honor in the National FFA Association.

    I will be lucky to get a congratulations and yet no matter what my dad is the one I cry for when I am saddest. He always will be.

    So yeah. That is my never let go story.
    Parents are different though -- NOBODY wants to let go of their parents, nobody. The New York Times ran a few articles about this recently. 60-year-old woman in therapy, not wanting to cut her Mom off, who was clearly taking advantage of her. Several others - a gay male with an unaccepting family. Or me - I had pretty abusive parents (the episode with the stepmom you described is so familiar. There is no 15-year-old who is asking too much of her parents - that's why it's called PARENTING and is something difficult). Anyway - you know this - unfair on many levels. This being your Dad changes the situation in so many ways. Your not letting go is completely understandable, and it's different than any other life situation. It really is.

    This was a very INFJ response, wasn't it?

  5. #45
    Junior Member lilypad's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    MBTI
    ENFJ
    Posts
    17

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Arclight View Post
    When you consider the investment you put into relationships, emotionaly, financialy and spiritually it is disheartening to face that they payoff will be a broken heart and a balance of zero or even a deficit.
    This is another reason to cling on or to rack your brain looking for solutions.
    I find it very difficult to just give up on someone, give up on the dreams and aspirations that were once shared.
    The idea that despite you best efforts, You cannot prevent what seems inevidble is crushing.
    I find those moments worse than facing the idea of death.
    I have been in tears most of today, when I read this I finally felt like I wasn't just stupid in my last relationship (or as a 'friend' said 'weak') I was just trying my best.
    “Life is all about timing... the unreachable becomes reachable, the unavailable become available, the unattainable... attainable. Have the patience, wait it out It's all about timing.”
    Stacey Charter

  6. #46
    Let me count the ways Betty Blue's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    7W6 sp/sx
    Socionics
    IEE
    Posts
    4,797

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by lilypad View Post
    I have been in tears most of today, when I read this I finally felt like I wasn't just stupid in my last relationship (or as a 'friend' said 'weak') I was just trying my best.

    Yeah, i get this. But the thing thats so hard to accept is that no matter how much you want to help someone and how hard you wish to get somewhere with it, it can't happen unless they are willing themselves.
    "We knew he was someone who had a tragic flaw, that's where his greatness came from"

  7. #47
    Banned
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    MBTI
    IxFx
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Posts
    859

    Default

    Relationship: I don't want to let go, but I'll do it if that is what they want. But when letting go, we'll never speak again, and I'll get sick (major depression).
    Friendship: I'll let go, but it rarely happens, we always end up friends again after a while.
    Family: I'll let go. I don't really care much for those bonds.

  8. #48
    Banned
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    MBTI
    IxFx
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Posts
    859

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by mochajava View Post
    Parents are different though -- NOBODY
    EXCEPT, me.

  9. #49
    Senior Member mochajava's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    478

    Default

    @angell_m: I gave up on mine too -- but it isn't/wasn't easy. That also might have something to do with their ongoing attempts to make contact through other family members, gifts, packages, etc. Yikes, horrible situation! It needs to stop.

    To relate this back to the rest of this thread - my goodness, the parents not-letting-go is painful. I left them due to a long past history of abuse and no signs of changing (although some regret expressed that helped me stay longer than I should have). It was hard to do; my self-esteem is not really there and I'm relatively isolated.

    Each subsequent attempt at contact results in a depression of a week or a few days... it's really debilitating, almost. I think that it would be amazing to "just get over it" as lilypad's friend says. I guess her friend doesn't see that we absolutely would if we could.

    So letting go is difficult on both sides - if you're the one initiating, or if you've been the one let go.

    Is the point of this thread to determine whether it's more difficult for NFs? Or if there is NF-specific advice on letting go that works?

  10. #50
    Banned
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    MBTI
    IxFx
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Posts
    859

    Default

    I know exactly what you mean. Exactly. Except for the painful part.

Similar Threads

  1. [NF] Okay, so there's funny and then there's NF funny. Let's hear yours!
    By Ene in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 11-23-2012, 05:42 PM
  2. [NF] NF and ADD
    By GZA in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 26
    Last Post: 02-06-2011, 06:46 AM
  3. [NF] So my NF brethren...lets talk about you...and other general stuff
    By FalseHeartDothKnow in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 04-20-2010, 03:58 AM
  4. [INFP] NFs and pride, conflict, attitude?
    By Cindyrella in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 32
    Last Post: 12-27-2008, 07:23 AM
  5. Replies: 29
    Last Post: 07-16-2007, 01:47 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO