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  1. #1
    12 and a half weeks BerberElla's Avatar
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    Default Depressed young ENFP?

    Help, my 17yr old ENFP brother is unbelievably depressed and I can't seem to help him get out of it.

    He has made some really bad judgement calls in the last year (of the criminal kind) and has really messed up his life. He is homeless and is now living with me and I can't motivate him in the slightest to try to take back some control in his life.

    He has no idea what he wants to do with himself, but he has to do something because I can't afford to keep him in the style he has become accustomed to (thanks to criminal activities). He is really depressed and everything sounds unappealing to him.

    If he screws up again he will end up in prison and I really don't want to see him end up that way.,

    He seems to have no patience on obtaining things the old fashioned way, which I understand via the peer pressure he is under, but I need him to snap out of it for his own sake.

    What works in motivating an ENFP to grab control back at that age?

    What would you as an ENFP need, or you as someone dealing with an ENFP say or do to help him balance out?

    Of course I don't want to meddle or seem controlling, I want to give him free reign in his own life to make mistakes and learn from them, but then again there are some mistakes, like the ones he is making now, that he will not be able to bounce back from so easily. Like a criminal record and what that could do to his future career.
    Echo - "So are you trying to say she is Evil"

    DeWitt - "Something far worse, she's an Idealist"

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  2. #2
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    oh...i am so sorry.
    the best i can come up with is that he may just need help visualizing where he wants to be in a couple of years time....how does he want to see his life....what things is he good at...if he can translate his skills in whatever criminal activity he was involved in to something positive...like was he good at sales...good with people...research...can he work towards a career that will utilize those skills....??

    if he has a drug problem though...he's going to need rehab....don't try to do that on your own...i'm sorry i wish i could be more help...maybe one of the younger guy enfp's will come along and answer in a bit.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  3. #3
    12 and a half weeks BerberElla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by erinavery View Post
    oh...i am so sorry.
    the best i can come up with is that he may just need help visualizing where he wants to be in a couple of years time....how does he want to see his life....what things is he good at...if he can translate his skills in whatever criminal activity he was involved in to something positive...like was he good at sales...good with people...research...can he work towards a career that will utilize those skills....??

    if he has a drug problem though...he's going to need rehab....don't try to do that on your own...i'm sorry i wish i could be more help...maybe one of the younger guy enfp's will come along and answer in a bit.
    Yes, I was talking to him about trying to visualise himself a few years from now, and he said he couldn't see anything apart from a crap life waiting for him, so I tried to get him to visualise himself 6 months from now, then 1 month from now, but again he is really depressed and he can't see anything.

    Infact the whole conversation seemed to make him even more depressed and stressed out about things.

    If I could afford to I would cover his costs and give him more time to make a decision, since the pressure to make the decision is stressing him so much, but I honestly can't.

    He seems to think that if he commits to one course, ie a job or back to college (which he would get paid for) then that is what he will be stuck as forever, so I tried to get him to see that whatever he chooses need only be a taster and that he had nothing to lose if he changed his mind and opted for something else after, and that still didn't work lol

    My brother is normally so bubbly, charming, funny and kind to people, seeing him like this is upsetting.

    Thanks for replying
    Echo - "So are you trying to say she is Evil"

    DeWitt - "Something far worse, she's an Idealist"

    Berb's Johari Berb's Nohari

  4. #4
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    hmm...
    i know that for me...a lil inspiration goes a long way so
    if you could find a book about someone who overcame the same situation that might help...or a movie even...pursuit of happiness with will smith was really good
    and maybe a meeting with a career counselor
    i would also suggest he see a dr. to make sure he doesn't need medication...if he doesn't...he may still benefit from some mood elevators like st. johns wort or b12 or something
    and a lil company and some laughs...i'm sorry that's the best i can come up with....good luck to you.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by BerberElla View Post
    Yes, I was talking to him about trying to visualise himself a few years from now, and he said he couldn't see anything apart from a crap life waiting for him, so I tried to get him to visualise himself 6 months from now, then 1 month from now, but again he is really depressed and he can't see anything.

    Infact the whole conversation seemed to make him even more depressed and stressed out about things.

    If I could afford to I would cover his costs and give him more time to make a decision, since the pressure to make the decision is stressing him so much, but I honestly can't.

    He seems to think that if he commits to one course, ie a job or back to college (which he would get paid for) then that is what he will be stuck as forever, so I tried to get him to see that whatever he chooses need only be a taster and that he had nothing to lose if he changed his mind and opted for something else after, and that still didn't work lol

    My brother is normally so bubbly, charming, funny and kind to people, seeing him like this is upsetting.

    Thanks for replying
    I got depressed at this time in my life also. It was maybe one of the best things that happened to me because it drove the transition from being just bubbly, charming, funny and kind, to being a fully developed ENFP. We actually need to make that transition. You get to a point where you are self aware enough to realise you aren't doing the rest of yourself credit by just being that nice guy. I can tell you I went close to going over the edge quite a few times but never really wanted to take the easy way out, still by no means take it lightly. Depression is a serious thing.

    Only things I'd say are help him think through it (it works with ENFPs), and lots of hugs. I've never minded anyone wanting to care or be closer. If he pushes you away it might be because he knows it is a fall he needs to take. In the years following it, I had the most productive session of my life. Between 18 and 22 I set the ground work for all the things I love now, which before that age I had nothing to do with.

    If he doesn't see the future as positive, it is because it is closed. We hate just walking the path to where we are going. It, control and detail are probably our most common causes of stress. I've just come out of doing physics and engineering that drove me almost completely insane. And a few months ago I had the same thoughts. I really couldn't be bothered anymore and I wasn't doing my normal switch into overdrive and dig myself out thing. I found what i needed was to fill in details so i could see the positives and to have an escape route. A break at the beach worked well and helped my mind switch on enough again to realise where I was at.

    Oh yeh, the bad calls are related to the stress. When stressed we start neglecting details, and when we start doing that all the information from the Ne has no firm reference to judge on. We pretty much bash at whatever is holding us in place to try to get out, whether that is school, work, society, our image. In the end the only goal is escape. When he gets that escape, whatever form it comes in, he will settle more to being himself again. At that age for me with hormones and everything, it took a few years though.

  6. #6
    Senior Member r0wo1's Avatar
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    Not being an enfp, I can only give advice from what I have seen in enfp friends, that have kind of made poor choices as well.

    For my enfp friends, they tend to be very influenced whether for good or for bad from their peers. It would probably be very positive for your brother to have some friends who want to influence him for the good.

    He needs positive support from his family as well. Somebody to encourage his good decisions and openly (but carefully) discourage the poor ones.

    And a goal , something to look forward too. As an N he has to spend at least sometime focusing on the future. He needs something positive in the near future he can get himself excited about. A hobby that could turn into a career? A fun night class at a college? Depends on the person I think.

    Thats off the top of my head, I dunno if it helps at all, but I'll think about it some more and see if I have any good ideas.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by r0wo1 View Post
    Not being an enfp, I can only give advice from what I have seen in enfp friends, that have kind of made poor choices as well.

    For my enfp friends, they tend to be very influenced whether for good or for bad from their peers. It would probably be very positive for your brother to have some friends who want to influence him for the good.

    He needs positive support from his family as well. Somebody to encourage his good decisions and openly (but carefully) discourage the poor ones.

    And a goal , something to look forward too. As an N he has to spend at least sometime focusing on the future. He needs something positive in the near future he can get himself excited about. A hobby that could turn into a career? A fun night class at a college? Depends on the person I think.

    Thats off the top of my head, I dunno if it helps at all, but I'll think about it some more and see if I have any good ideas.
    Nah, they are good points. With the wrong friends our evil side comes out. We normally won't join them in the worst stuff, but our ideas inspire a lot of it.

    The future one is difficult. If he sees the future can go anywhere, which as an ENFP it probably can then he will be fine. One goal might not be enough, we really love openness and adaptability in things.

  8. #8
    Senior Member r0wo1's Avatar
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    Maybe not so much a goal then but rather the hobby then? Something constructive? Something that would pick him up when he's down and something he can look forward to?

  9. #9
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    ^^^ agreed
    if you can really zone in on a special talent that he has and help him figure out some of the exciting ways in which he can utilize them...i think that should help...a lil ego stroking and inspiration
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  10. #10
    Senior Member mlittrell's Avatar
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    encourage him as a person. the best way, for me at least, to pull an ENFP out of a funk is to a) encourage them, as a person. point out all of their good qualities and tell them how those qualities will help them in the future, and point out the bad qualities and how to eradicate them (also try to downplay those bad qualities a little). b) try to lend some logic to the situation. it gets them out of the emotional funk and back into the real world. truthfully an ENTP would be excellent at getting them out of this, but you are an INFP so you should be able to associate with them

    so be kind and caring but use logic to bring them back and encourage them as a person. got it ?
    "Honest differences are often a healthy sign of progress. "

    "You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty."

    "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."

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