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  1. #81
    Senior Member Wild horses's Avatar
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    In response to OP... I have a friend who is ENFJ and he certainly holds parts of himself back... esp the negative stuff he once told me that if something comes up in his character that he doesn't like he represses it or even tries to train himself not to behave or feel a certain way... Very controlled people I have found... not sure if I would use the work fake though... controlled fits better
    ... couldn't drag me away

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  2. #82
    Senior Member Desperado44's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Anja View Post
    So I'm wondering how it feels to be an ENFJ who feels a lot of responsibility to make others feel comfortable. Is it sometimes so much of a burden that one has to constantly look on top of things?
    Its absolute murder. Very unhealthy.

    And its made worse by birth order in my opinion. If you're the first born......you'll get stress in spades.
    I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. --- Maya Angelou

  3. #83
    Senior Member Erudur's Avatar
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    As I was reading this, I was thinking the holding back sounded a lot like first born. I wonder how it is modified in the other birth order types?

    Using this guys take on birth order:
    Birth Order Plus - Intro to Birth Order

    I've seen third born personality turbo charge the ENFP.

  4. #84
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    I've always been the "baby" in a matter of speaking. Granted, Jaye shoved me out of 2nd place by a mere minute, but she acts like the older sister. Then again, my natural Ni state of "What?" obliviousness makes me the perfect third placer.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  5. #85
    The Memes Justify the End EcK's Avatar
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    My older sister is an entj.
    she's amazing in her own way.

    I could never care for people like she does.
    Expression of the post modern paradox : "For the love of god, religions are so full of shit"

    Theory is always superseded by Fact...
    ... In theory.

    “I’d hate to die twice. It’s so boring.”
    Richard Feynman's last recorded words

    "Great is the human who has not lost his childlike heart."
    Mencius (Meng-Tse), 4th century BCE

  6. #86
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    You're not people. You're a wacky cartoon bear.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  7. #87
    Senior Member sonata's Avatar
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    Would an ENFJ ever start to do the previously mentioned mixed-signals, available/unavailable thing with someone they've been friends with for a long time, who has seen behind the facade on occasion, if that friend is leaving the country in a few months and probably won't live anywhere near them in the foreseeable future?

    That just occurred to this confused NT as a possible cause of some of the asdjfkl; that's been happening lately between me and her.

  8. #88
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sonata View Post
    Would an ENFJ ever start to do the previously mentioned mixed-signals, available/unavailable thing with someone they've been friends with for a long time, who has seen behind the facade on occasion, if that friend is leaving the country in a few months and probably won't live anywhere near them in the foreseeable future?

    That just occurred to this confused NT as a possible cause of some of the asdjfkl; that's been happening lately between me and her.
    Outside of my immediate family, only three people have seen me at my absolute worst (and being chronically ill brings on such moments of humiliation with wrenching frequency): my ISTP best friend, my ESFP bff Shorty, and my INTJ best friend. These people could blackmail me if they wanted to, but I have/had zero desire to cut myself off from them.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  9. #89
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jim View Post
    hi i'm new,

    a lurker, but now a member!

    At work today, a colleague said to me 'I feel like you're hiding who you really are from me'

    Do enfjs get this a lot, and why?
    yes, I got this a lot from an INTJ. He said i am not direct at all.
    But you know, my roomates, who lived together with me almost four years, they said i am very easy to be read, they said they knew very well what i gotta do and say .
    to some degree ,i think i agree with the INTJ, he is right, i just show them (i mean my roommates)what i thought they sholud see, i mean i let them know they know me so well.but it doesn't mean i am very horrible,i just think i should act in that way.
    let's back to the INTJ's view. yes, he is right,i am not so direct , because i think sometimes ,it is a way to protect myself .i just don't want to be dealt with very easily.
    but he is right again, he said , in this way , people also know how to deal with me .
    as an ENFJ, if he or she trusts someone compeletly, you know they are very childish.
    so , when your colleague said to you like this , i think i am not suprise at all.

  10. #90
    Senior Member Littlelostnf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    ENFJs don't like to talk about themselves. You can even see it on the forum, ENFJs are the NFs least likely to have threads going on and on forever about them even though there is a small but consistent amount of ENFJs lurking on the forum (hey yall!).

    I reveal myself to people who I feel comfortable with which is a surprisingly small amount of people. I certainly don't have this huge vat of secrets I'm hiding. ENFJs have that nice Fe covering so that batshit Ni doesn't come out clocking people over the head and scaring them off.

    When you develop a good feel about people you learn what they're really interested in or what they're pretending to be interested in and you respond in kind. Pretending's not even the right word because that implies deception when it's not that. It's more like some repetitive habit we acquire when dealing with people. I say good morning you say good morning, you ask me how I'm doing I say I'm fine, I repeat the question back to you, you say you're fine and we're done. I know most people don't care what I did over the weekend or what I want to do with my life but they'll ask out of courtesy and I'm fine with that. I suppose having these jejune transactions with most people makes you more reflective than revealing and I don't doubt people can sense that.

    And mostly, when I listen to people telling me about themselves I'm also figuring out if they're the kind of person who I'd want to share myself with. I'm highly observational of people through interaction. If someone sounds simple in the head (which I can usually tell after talking to a person awhile) I'm taking the information and making decisions on if I'd like to have a deeper relationship with the person. Maybe Substitute isn't so paranoid because I know I do it.
    Yup what she said...specially the first two paragraphs...also agree with that Brendan said. Hi back at yah...busy busy...yes I've been lurking but NO TIME EVER LATELY!...well except for now
    for my life is slowed up by thought and the need to understand what I am living.

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