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  1. #91
    Senior Member Littlelostnf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    Welcome, Jim!

    I do get told with some frequency that I'm hard to "get next to". I don't do this on purpose at all. I just have my natural instinct to like/help/socialize with people (which is genuine) pulling against my need to protect myself (which is also kneejerk).

    If I'm not putting myself out there, it's because being an Fe primary is already difficult and I have to *somehow* control what affects me. It seems strange to be innately driven towards what can profoundly harm you, and yet that's how I feel.

    I try to make myself more "available" but it just doesn't happen. Getting me in "available" mode is one of those highly specialized moments when I feel absolutely safe.
    Nice work Pink that is spot on.
    for my life is slowed up by thought and the need to understand what I am living.

  2. #92
    Senior Member Harlow_Jem's Avatar
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    I think ENFJ's can be very fake.

    Ex: My ENFJ boyfriend and I will be driving in the car back from a party or whatever and he will be steaming mad about something I did but I will have no idea as he will joke around and act as if everything's peachy keen as shit and then as soon as he gets home he'll blow up at me over the phone. I still can't believe he's that scared of/repulsed by confrontation to be so fake and then blow up. What a pussy.

    But the funny thing is, he's not a pussy. He's the quintessential prototype of the all-american male that everyone loves and respects and no one fucks around with but he can't outright scream at me about something stupid? I don't know...

    "I have no need for good souls; an accomplice is what I want"--Sartre


    psychic changes are born in your heart, entertain.

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  3. #93
    Senior Member The Third Rider's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Harlow_Jem View Post
    I think ENFJ's can be very fake.

    Ex: My ENFJ boyfriend and I will be driving in the car back from a party or whatever and he will be steaming mad about something I did but I will have no idea as he will joke around and act as if everything's peachy keen as shit and then as soon as he gets home he'll blow up at me over the phone. I still can't believe he's that scared of/repulsed by confrontation to be so fake and then blow up. What a pussy.

    But the funny thing is, he's not a pussy. He's the quintessential prototype of the all-american male that everyone loves and respects and no one fucks around with but he can't outright scream at me about something stupid? I don't know...
    Sounds, like you have your work cut out for yourself.
    ENFJ 3W4

    If you read this I am sorry to say that you just lost 5 seconds of your life that you wont be getting back.*

    *Actual time may vary.

  4. #94
    Senior Member SpottingTrains's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Harlow_Jem View Post
    I still can't believe he's that scared of/repulsed by confrontation to be so fake and then blow up. What a pussy.
    I'm willing to bet he isn't scared or repulsed. He merely doesn't want to see you upset. You may think that you being upset is not such a big deal and is bound to happen but to him it will contradict everything that he puts into your relationship.

    He has probably been internalizing a lot of the issues that have crept up in your relationship lately and finally decided to burst through the only medium that he could illustrate how he felt without having the visual repercussions.

    In his own 'twisted' way he is trying to save you the pain of him venting his frustrations or at least shelter himself from more turmoil.

  5. #95
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    My ENFJ wife is a store manager for a company that likes to put on pretenses. Everyone is HAPPY all the time, and very SUPPORTIVE all the time of each other ... even though I think they're all about ready to slit their wrists or the wrists of each other.

    She'll send me e-mails throughout the day full of stuff like "Oh I'm so happy!!!!" and "Isn't that great!!!! (talking about some new promotional thing for the company) ... and I just want to choke her.

    I actually have to say to her "You know you don't have to be like that with me right?" ... man is she ever stressed out sometimes. She has a hard time escaping "the mode." I do see though, that 'the mode' is also a coping mechanism ... AND it really helps the ENFJ succeed. Ever watched an ENFJ rise through the ranks of an organization? It's stunning.

    This thread has been REALLY helpful. I'm like that INFJ priest guy that was being talked about earlier ... I get it more now from the other point of view. I could talk about that more, but this is an ENFJ thread.

    ENFJ's ... I FREAKIN' LOVE ENFJs (I really do) ... for 18 hours every single day.

  6. #96
    movin melodies kiddykat's Avatar
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    I like ENFJs. I think their not always wanting to show what's bothering them stems from not wanting to burden others.

    I also knew an ENFJ, who spilled his guts to me 24/7 in a way where I knew he still held back.. I didn't mind it, since I think venting is normal & healthy for people. Plus, the chemistry between ENFPs/ENFJs (for me) works out to the point where those sad moments somehow turn out to be moments of joy & laughter..

    Who cares what others think, right? If they think you're fake, then maybe it's a form of self-projection.. I don't know..

    Passive aggressive behavior in any personality type isn't always constructive, which can cause anyone to appear fake- that's why I can somewhat understand those who tend to be like this- it's not their fault- it's about trust, which isn't always easy for the average person who's been hurt pretty deeply, I think, or someone who tends to think of others before themselves, in general (which is an admirable trait, IMO)..

  7. #97
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    I can't get enough of ENFJ's. I can finally see the inner nature of people and seeing them is euphoric, like all the work and effort they do just shows up all at once. It's like seeing an INFP at their best inside.

  8. #98
    Guerilla Urbanist Brendan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Harlow_Jem View Post
    I think ENFJ's can be very fake.

    Ex: My ENFJ boyfriend and I will be driving in the car back from a party or whatever and he will be steaming mad about something I did but I will have no idea as he will joke around and act as if everything's peachy keen as shit and then as soon as he gets home he'll blow up at me over the phone. I still can't believe he's that scared of/repulsed by confrontation to be so fake and then blow up. What a pussy.

    But the funny thing is, he's not a pussy. He's the quintessential prototype of the all-american male that everyone loves and respects and no one fucks around with but he can't outright scream at me about something stupid? I don't know...
    He does it over the phone so you can't look in his eyes and see how hurt he feels.
    There is no such thing as separation from God.

  9. #99
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brendan View Post
    He does it over the phone so you can't look in his eyes and see how hurt he feels.
    Or, initially he's probably in shock that she did whatever it was that she did that pissed him off. People try to play it cool sometimes until they figure out that something is really happening.

    Also, the few ENFJ's I know are the furthest thing from fake. They have their reasons for doing the things they do and I always find there to be legitimate sentiment behind their actions/words, even if they are to keep harmony and peace.

  10. #100
    Senior Member SpottingTrains's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brendan View Post
    He does it over the phone so you can't look in his eyes and see how hurt he feels.
    Yeah, I would agree with this. I also think despite what she has done to him he is still attempting to shelter her from the pain he feels at some level.

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