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  1. #21
    E. N.. T... :P RiderOnTheStorm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    +1,000

    If you're helping people with the attitude of "I'll help you, but all I ask is this one simple thing. A thank you," people will sense that you're not really doing it out of love or altruism or just being a cool guy, but that you're doing it to GET something out of the other person. No one likes a martyr. I help people all the time, but I can pretty much tell who's there to suck me dry, and who genuinely needs and will appreciate the help. And sometimes people just need help, regardless of whether they're in a position to fall all over my feet in gratitude or not. I think you need to ask yourself why you're helping others. Is it really for them, or for you to feel needed?

    I was on a music-related message board and someone had offered copies of some cool high-res pics to the members there, if they'd PM an email. So I did, and thanked her graciously. A few days later, she posted a big emo message about how NO ONE had said please or thank you for these pictures, and what has this world come to, etc., etc. I reminded her that, yes I had, in fact, thanked her. And I also reminded her that if you just tell someone to PM you an email address, that's probably what people will do. You can't create unspoken rules and then get bent out of shape when people don't comply to them. If you do, you'll become very disillusioned, very quickly.

    Stop and ask yourself if there might be other reasons why you're not getting the reactions you're after.
    I thank you for this post.

    I do help people to feel needed. It feels good to be needed. There is no selflessness in being selfless. I am not sure if that makes sense, but I agree with you.
    You can't always do it right, you can always do what's left.

    Thoughts rearrange. Familiar now strange. All my skin is drifting on the wind.~

  2. #22
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    I try to keep it cheap. Why go the extra mile for someone who can easily abuse it? Give them better as they demonstrate worthiness of it.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  3. #23
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    As I see it, the real problem is not in loving humanity too much, but loving humanity in the wrong way.

    I've addressed this issue several times here before, especially my rant on the "Global village" concept.

    I've stated that love for humanity begins with those closest to you, not those farthest away. Yet for some odd reason, we commonly promote the opposite view. This leads to a rather perverted view of the world and ones relationship with fellow humans.

    I noted one example of this in the thread linked above: "Too often people are so concerned about the poor starving kid in Africa they see on TV, they forget the poor starving children in their own neighborhoods."

    So again, you have to love humanity in the right way.

  4. #24
    seor member colmena's Avatar
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    ^Your thoughts were not incoherent. An interesting read indeed.

    I once did some work for an environmental agency. It was just something as small as protecting the Arctic Terns; to help stop their local extinction. It was never meant to reflect substance such as saving the Amazon's rain forest or the like, but it was according to our means. Humanity is its own ecosystem, and its roots are all existing.

    I do not accuse anyone, but I hate the thought of people sending money to veil the guilt of not helping locally.
    http://badges.mypersonality.info/badge/0/6/68764.png
    Ti Ne Fi Ni

    -How beautiful, this pale Endymion hour.
    -What are you talking about?
    -Endymion, my dear. A beautiful youth possessed by the moon.
    -Well, forget about him and get to bed.
    -Yes, my dear.

  5. #25
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Peguy View Post
    "Too often people are so concerned about the poor starving kid in Africa they see on TV, they forget the poor starving children in their own neighborhoods."
    Or the sick brother who lives with your aging grandmother.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  6. #26
    Sniffles
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    Quote Originally Posted by colmena View Post
    ^Your thoughts were not incoherent. An interesting read indeed.
    Thank you.

    Edmund Burke also stated very well: "To love the little platoon we belong to in society is the first principle of public affections. It is the first link in the series by which we proceed towards a love to our country and to mankind."

    As I said, loving mankind begins with those closest to you.

  7. #27
    Senior Member animenagai's Avatar
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    do we care too much or do others care too little? i agree with aljblaise, it would be the end of humanity if we didn't care.

  8. #28
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Peguy View Post
    As I see it, the real problem is not in loving humanity too much, but loving humanity in the wrong way.

    I've addressed this issue several times here before, especially my rant on the "Global village" concept.

    I've stated that love for humanity begins with those closest to you, not those farthest away. Yet for some odd reason, we commonly promote the opposite view. This leads to a rather perverted view of the world and ones relationship with fellow humans.

    I noted one example of this in the thread linked above: "Too often people are so concerned about the poor starving kid in Africa they see on TV, they forget the poor starving children in their own neighborhoods."

    So again, you have to love humanity in the right way.
    Completely agree. I think the more we really love those closest to us, the more likely we are to make a difference on a grander scale. It's an interesting phenomenon in the political arena sometimes that you see a candidate and his/her supporters that champion the plight of the poor or sick or homeless or what have you, with little actual interaction with or love for them. And in order to love them, you have to realize that they're not perfect, adorable little underdogs. They're humans, with flaws and fears and prejudices like everyone else. And sometimes they'll bite your hand when you're trying to feed them. But I would submit that it's pretty easy to love people who behave the way you want them to. The challenge is to love people when you disagree with them, or they're annoying you.

    Quote Originally Posted by AwesomeCakes
    I thank you for this post.

    I do help people to feel needed. It feels good to be needed. There is no selflessness in being selfless. I am not sure if that makes sense, but I agree with you.
    Yeah, it definitely feels good to be needed. And there's really nothing wrong with that. But I've found that doing something kind for someone with absolutely no expectation is the better way to go. At the least, you know you've done something helpful, and you feel good. At best, they're grateful and they tell you/show you/return a favor. But you relieve yourself of the resentment that builds up through creating an expectation.

  9. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    The challenge is to love people when you disagree with them, or they're annoying you.
    That is indeed the great challenge. As Chesterton noted, Christ commands us to both love our neighbors and our enemies - since too often they're the same.

    Speaking of loving enemies - Carl Schmitt made a very interesting argument about how the original Greek in the Gospels reads "diligite inimicos vestros and not "diligite hostes vestros".

    That means that inimicos signifies the private, and hostes the public, enemy. So when Christ tells us to love our enemies, he's telling us to love our personal enemies.

  10. #30
    Resident Snot-Nose GZA's Avatar
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    I'm probably not compassionate enough, really. I'm actually a little bit selfish, in terms of who I look out for... you won't see me campaigning for AIDS awareness in Africa, or the freedom of Tibet. It's not like i'm against helping other people or anything, I guess those things just havn't entered my radar yet.

    However, when I am in a truely shitty mood, after a good amount of moping, poor rationalization, and projection of whatever is bothering me, I often have an epiphany where I want to help people. It's usually people I can relate to -suburban kids, or other people within this culture who may need help.

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