the man makes some good points he just goes about saying it the wrong way.
Thanks mlittrell.
You just gave me the fodder to perfectly illustrate my Fe.
I'm going to pick on Nocapszy and a new member Edgar.
Let's address Nocapszy first. I've met the guy and I actually do like him. I thought he was cute. But his immensely pinchable cheeks aside, he most certainly has problems with delivery which then makes his cheeks more punchable than pinchable. Now as mllitrell correctly pointed out, I thought about the truth of his statements as well and agreed with him on that aspect. But what trumped it for me is Nocapszy's
history of delivery problems. I guess that's my Fe kicking in. The venom embedded in his posting style is something that I can't shake and neither do other forum members. He can wants to say in a way doesn't get people's hackles up.
Culture and atmosphere moves at different levels and I'll change my behavior depending on where I'm at. I suppose this is where the accusations of Fe being fake comes in because someone might know me in one context, meet me in another and I seem like a different person. Perfect example of that is when I go out with coworker who's never been out with me before. At work I'm all about being professional and maintaining a professional appearance. But when I'm not at work I don't have to do that so I'll chill out measurably. So it'll come as a surprise to people that only know me in a work context to suddenly go to happy hour with me and see me throw down 4 shots of tequila, want to start dancing with everyone who passes by me and see how nasty my mouth gets. I'm pretty assiduous about keeping my nose clean, or you could say appearances, but at this point I really don't care. I don't view the change in my personality as fake, but I'm sure some people will. Can't please everyone! But that's just an aside, so I'll continue with my point.
So here's my Fe working right now. I'm all about making MBTIc as comfortable for as many people as possible. Once again I know you cant please them all, so my means of doing that is by finding an average, or a common denominator (hopefully not the lowest one!). It's like keeping the thermostat set at 75. Some people will find that too cold and other too hot, but most people find it a comfortable temperature. Now if you want to see my Fe in action right now let's look at a member that's caught my eye most recently.
So I'll be reading the forum, my way of checking that the temperature is still comfortable for most people and I'll be looking for spikes or drops, hot zones or cool zones. I notice this guy Edgar. I notice
that three times he's referred to women as bitches. I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt, but he's definitely on my radar. I don't know of this is my Fe or not, but I'm just going to say it is. Why am I giving him the benefit of the doubt?
- He's a new member
- This may be his style of joking
- Even though it may upset me a bit that he's called women bitches three times other people seemed not to have commented or be upset about it so I'll stay cool, for now. I bolded for now, because contrary to popular opinion I have no problem disturbing the peace. I hate false peace and that tend to happen when people are being inhibited from speaking their mind. That is not something I'm in favor of. Additionally, my Fe sometimes leads me to believe that just because I feel something, someone else feels it as well. False and overindification is problem that FJs have. This is one thing I'm grateful for the FPs on the forum about, letting people own their own feelings and I need to take ownership of my own. I can't assume people feel the same as I do.
Still, I don't trust my blip, probably because I tend not to trust my introverted judgment. So even though I feel something isn't right within me, I'll look for confirmation from other people that what I'm noticing isn't just my own feelings (low introverted judgment) but something that other people feel as well. So far, no one has said anything but I'm still searching for clues to confirm my feelings. So I'll check out who he's friends with and his visitor messages, or anything to see if there's anything there to prove or disprove my feelings. This is information that's going into a file cabinet in my mind. It may or may not be used, but it's there.
This also works in a positive way. If I find out one of my coworkers likes airplanes I'll store it away and pull it out when it needs to. So when Christmas rolls around this year and we exchange gifts at work I'll get him something that's related to his interests. I talk to people and find out what they value, what they care about, what interests them because it's something that helps me feel connected to them and hopefully that feeling is reciprocated. If it seems like the person doesn't want to reciprocate I leave them alone. No one likes a meddlesome person, myself included.
So I guess this is my Fe at work. It's not "don't forget to say thank you or please or compliment someone." It's not these hard rules that I dare not deviate from. I'm actively searching for information about people and I put that information to use. Each FJ has a different tolerance for disharmony. Some can't handle people disagreeing with each other even if it's done respectfully. Some FJs feel disharmony is reached when people start throwing chairs at each other and then they'll get involved. I can handle a fair amount of disharmony but I won't let it disintegrate into total chaos. And I feel confident enough in my Fe abilities that I can keep it from reaching that point. If I feel that the disharmony is temporary and will lead to greater peace as the end product I'll probably be an instigator myself. And I try to funnel my subconscious desire for chaos out by watching ultraviolent movies and UFC events.
