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  1. #31
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Wow, I can totally relate to PMs post, totally, especially the part about waiting for confirmation from other people that I'm not overreacting. The posts where edgar refers to bitches made me cringe and I did the same thing by stepping back to see how others reacted.

    Fe isn't fake but I can sometimes feel as though I'm putting others first when I shouldn't.

  2. #32
    Nerd King Usurper Edgar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trinity View Post
    Wow, I can totally relate to PMs post, totally, especially the part about waiting for confirmation from other people that I'm not overreacting. The posts where edgar refers to bitches made me cringe and I did the same thing by stepping back to see how others reacted.

    Fe isn't fake but I can sometimes feel as though I'm putting others first when I shouldn't.
    For the sake of truce and goodwill, I would like to post this:

    [YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pUN5560mbdo"]Women Appreciation Video[/YOUTUBE]

  3. #33
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The_Liquid_Laser View Post
    Some people view Fe as fake. There are a number of reasons for this, but I think the most common is that a person with undeveloped Fe doesn't really understand that FJ types process things differently. For example a compliment might not mean much to an INTP, but it is a meaningful connection to a FJ type (assuming that it is perceived as sincere).
    That's definitely one reason: A particular type is evaluating another type according to THEIR standards, without stepping into the other types' shoes and understand how they see the world and what is sincere and meaningful to them.

    It's not much different than Fe people looking at Ti and thinking we always just like to cause trouble and can't ever just place someone's well-being ahead of our own tendency to argue and push our own ideas. (They're not getting that it's not personal to us; and that to not say something feels like a lack of integrity.)

    We all do it.

    Another reason Fe can seem fake is that ExTP types realize the effect different actions have on FJ types so they can learn to fake Fe to some extent. Ultimately the ExTP's are just faking it though, and this can make people think Fe is fake in general.
    I can't speak for individuals, but there's a tendency for people leading with N and/or T to wield F as a tool to produce a desired outcome, true, since the F actually isn't "in charge."
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  4. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    I can't speak for individuals, but there's a tendency for people leading with N and/or T to wield F as a tool to produce a desired outcome, true, since the F actually isn't "in charge."
    This makes me wonder how many people may have typed someone they know as ESFJ, but really they are ExTP using Fe like a bludgeoning tool. Like Scarlett O'Hara.

    Maybe many ExTP females in the past felt it more socially acceptable to communicate with others via Fe, to act as Fe dom when they really had a poor develiopment of Fe as inferior function. Just a thought that comes to me. When people on these boards are nagging on Fe, it seems many times it's about an older female they know.

  5. #35
    Senior Member wedekit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dwigie View Post
    Agree with laser. But I am fake with people I don't want to establish a real connection with, obviously. I stick to pretty boring subject with these people so I can chase them off even though I seem very nice. I seem very "smiley face" and there's this kind of void behind it that lets people guess I really really am being insincere and don't give a damn about the conversation, well not all people.
    Hahaha, I never really thought about it but I guess I do this as well. People I don't really wish to create a bond with (usually for good reason; not because of snobbery) just get a "formality Fe" from me. People who push my buttons too much don't receive this luxury.
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  6. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dwigie View Post
    Agree with laser. But I am fake with people I don't want to establish a real connection with, obviously. I stick to pretty boring subject with these people so I can chase them off even though I seem very nice. I seem very "smiley face" and there's this kind of void behind it that lets people guess I really really am being insincere and don't give a damn about the conversation, well not all people.
    This is part of what gets Fe labeled as fake, you want to be seen as nice while brushing someone off? Just can't be done without people eventually realizing the fakeness of the action. We can't always be "nice" in life and it's disingenuous to try. jmo.

  7. #37
    Senior Member wedekit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    This is part of what gets Fe labeled as fake, you want to be seen as nice while brushing someone off? Just can't be done without people eventually realizing the fakeness of the action. We can't always be "nice" in life and it's disingenuous to try. jmo.
    I would be interested in knowing an alternative way of handling this kind of situation. I'm being sincere, too.
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  8. #38
    soft and silky sarah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    This makes me wonder how many people may have typed someone they know as ESFJ, but really they are ExTP using Fe like a bludgeoning tool. Like Scarlett O'Hara.

    Maybe many ExTP females in the past felt it more socially acceptable to communicate with others via Fe, to act as Fe dom when they really had a poor develiopment of Fe as inferior function. Just a thought that comes to me. When people on these boards are nagging on Fe, it seems many times it's about an older female they know.
    I agree with this. UNDERdeveloped use of any cognitive function can give that function a bad name. Also, I'm thinking that a lot of the criticism aimed at Fe may be because people who clearly don't prefer it can't yet understand the value of it when they see others using it.

    It's taken me a while to understand the value of Fe, and I don't think I really "got" what it was all about until I formed a friendship with someone who was domFe, and who seemed to me to be a genuine person of integrity.
    I stopped discounting Fe as just "social networking skills" once I reframed it in my mind as a heartfelt desire to connect with others and appreciate others.

    Sarah
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  9. #39
    Senior Member Simplexity's Avatar
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    One quick question I have is being fake more due to individual or group dynamics?

    I know I used to piss off a lot of my Fe teachers in grade school by challenging them and not listening to their appeals for emotion and they didn't hesitate in using group dynamics to make a case against me.
    My cold, snide, intellectual life is just a veneer, behind which lies the plywood of loneliness.

  10. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by wedekit View Post
    I would be interested in knowing an alternative way of handling this kind of situation. I'm being sincere, too.
    Being civil is different than being friendly.

    It really depends on how Fe one is getting in these cases. If one is acting friendily while not being open, then it is sending mixed messages out. This is what is so frustrating and confusing to Fi types. It's like the Fe person wants the other person to like them and feel warm and fuzzy towards them but they don't want to give anything of themselves in return.

    There's nothing more insulting than having someone be in truth rejecting while they working hard to maintain a friendly exterior. Sort of like someone always ringing the doorbell but running when you come to answer.

    It is like if you want to reject someone, then stand up and take the heat, don't hide behind some good guy facade.

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