[MBTI General] Must NF's be right?

[Jess]

I have an INFJ boyfriend. I find he feels he must always be right. If I disagree with him, particularly in a fight, I will often want to drop it and go back to our happy predisposition, he will want to fight it out until one of us agrees.

In fact, he tends to get me agree with him. He pushes quite strongly. I am the one who constantly must tell him, "I am not in this to be right but to instead come to the best/correct conclusion and I'm willing to change if you convince me, and would like you to be able to, so we can end this." Because sometimes, it can feel to me like its become a contest of who is right...

To me, he is far more stubborn, especially when he feels wronged. Yet you all feel us NT's must be right all the time!

And all of my NF friends are the same too! They all get so upset if they feel someone wronged them, and they push it until you agree with them! Whereas, I'll let it go!

Its not necessarily a bad thing, there are definite advantages to it, but I am surprised that you so strongly feel we come off as arrogantly-we-must-be-right when I find my NF friends are often the ones who must be right.

So tell me: Is it just my strange personal experiences, or must you all be right?

 

[sakuraba]

I have an INFJ boyfriend. I find he feels he must always be right. If I disagree with him, particularly in a fight, I will often want to drop it and go back to our happy predisposition, he will want to fight it out until one of us agrees.

In fact, he tends to get me agree with him. He pushes quite strongly. I am the one who constantly must tell him, "I am not in this to be right but to instead come to the best/correct conclusion and I'm willing to change if you convince me, and would like you to be able to, so we can end this." Because sometimes, it can feel to me like its become a contest of who is right...

To me, he is far more stubborn, especially when he feels wronged. Yet you all feel us NT's must be right all the time!

And all of my NF friends are the same too! They all get so upset if they feel someone wronged them, and they push it until you agree with them! Whereas, I'll let it go!

Its not necessarily a bad thing, there are definite advantages to it, but I am surprised that you so strongly feel we come off as arrogantly-we-must-be-right when I find my NF friends are often the ones who must be right.

Seems like you are an NF and he's an NT

 

[Lady_X]

well honestly...i never understood the argument...i can't comprehend why someone would be fighting if they did not think they were right? what are they trying to prove then?

because to me....everything else is just discussion...you have your unsure views and i have mine and we discus them...then... you fight because you feel so strongly that you're right...i don't know about anyone else but...i so rarely make my mind up completely about anything... that when i do ...i mean it...and i intend to convince you of it too....haha

but i'm aware that...that thought process probably needs tweaking...haha

 

[sakuraba]

I have an INFJ boyfriend. I find he feels he must always be right. If I disagree with him, particularly in a fight, I will often want to drop it and go back to our happy predisposition, he will want to fight it out until one of us agrees.

Your BF's need to be right - NT

You wanting to drop it and maintain harmony - NF


This is a common/typical thing in NT/NF relationships. You might want to take a closer look at both your typings.

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

^ makes sense

 

[Sniffles]

If I disagree with him, particularly in a fight, I will often want to drop it and go back to our happy predisposition, he will want to fight it out until one of us agrees.

Are you sure you're really INTJ?

 

[disregard]

I have an INFJ boyfriend. I find he feels he must always be right. If I disagree with him, particularly in a fight, I will often want to drop it and go back to our happy predisposition, he will want to fight it out until one of us agrees.

In fact, he tends to get me agree with him. He pushes quite strongly. I am the one who constantly must tell him, "I am not in this to be right but to instead come to the best/correct conclusion and I'm willing to change if you convince me, and would like you to be able to, so we can end this." Because sometimes, it can feel to me like its become a contest of who is right...

To me, he is far more stubborn, especially when he feels wronged. Yet you all feel us NT's must be right all the time!

And all of my NF friends are the same too! They all get so upset if they feel someone wronged them, and they push it until you agree with them! Whereas, I'll let it go!

Its not necessarily a bad thing, there are definite advantages to it, but I am surprised that you so strongly feel we come off as arrogantly-we-must-be-right when I find my NF friends are often the ones who must be right.

So tell me: Is it just my strange personal experiences, or must you all be right?

Sounds like you know how to pick 'em!

Looking forward to more of your illuminating insights.~

 

[blanclait]

i think its just this case. i too like you tend to seek harmony and peace. I only approach discussion when both party is improvising. -> win-win situation.
i don't really enjoy arguments to find who is right or wrong. Its just exhausting

Perhaps your boyfriend is suffering from some sort of complex?or does he speak of something personal. He may be trying to prove you wrong due to the fact it doesnt correspond with his beliefs.

 

[Jess]

My boyfriend is definitely an INFJ. There is no question. He does have NT aspects though. This is perhaps that one.

I am definitely an INTJ. I just hate fighting. Its so useless and its usually over such pitiful things! why be mad at someone? Don't worry, be happy! Over many things I worry but I have a terrible memory so forget my grievances pretty quickly.

But no he's definitely INFJ.

I suppose my other friends don't fight it out like he does, but they don't drop it. Its always underlining and there is tension/friction in the relationship because they are obviously unhappy. I am so happy to drop it. They nurse it and hold onto it, and they don't back down. Perhaps for good reasons, but they still won't back down.

After hours of arguing around in circles, it grows weary for me

He has the 6th sense of being able to know what is going on with anyone that a lot of INFJ's seem to have. Reads people like a book. He is extremely emotional, far too emotional to be an INTJ. He is the emotional one, I am the reclusive one for sure.

 

[Numbers]

Hmm, i'm more like an NT in this situation.

I'm very stubborn about what i'm arguing about and usually not willing to concede the point since if i'm arguing something is telling me either i'm right, or there is a point to be made.

I also like to debate unless it becomes an argument (personal). It's another way of reaching the truth.

I'm pretty sure i'm NF, but not completely. I've also thought I was a NT in the past and tested as INTP on the official MBTI. To be fair I could have tested however I wanted at the time since I know how the test works.

Anyway, something to take into consideration.

 

[Blackmail!]

Jess,


Maybe your story has nothing to do with NF or NT.
Maybe your boyfriend simply has something to prove to YOU, because you're not like anybody for him?
It could be a way to show you what you mean for him.

Have you considered this possibility?

 

[Dwigie]

Pft, I'm an INFJ it can be one of our issues. If I think I'm right I have no problem hunting you down it depends on how annoyed I am. Sometimes I drop it, I drop it these days I have too much on my hands to act like an idiot and waste my time because I don't agree with people or what not...But it really is a big problem for me and people I'm with.

 

[Kasper]

I get this. My INFJ sister has to convince others on some topics and can go on and on about them, if I'm not getting anything out of the discussion I'll stop caring and debating, she won't. The topics she will do this with tend to revolve around right and wrong human behaviour, people being taken advantage of and other kinds of unfair treatment.

She is stubborn, I'm determined. With these topics she seems to have her ideas cemented in, if someone has been wronged than someone must be accountable, I'm more open to examining other logical points of view. Our ENFP mother is worse in this area when it comes to arguing a point to death.

I do the same thing as you and just want to stop the discussion as I want logical not emotional arguments. I also don’t like being wrong so if I get caught out I tend to want to retreat and think it over before I continue, basically I want the opportunity to subtly change my stance without losing face

 

[CrystalViolet]

I know when my feelings are hurt, I will argue some one down into the ground. Sometimes it's not really about the topic, but the need that, yes, you will acknowledged that you have hurt my feelings. I try not to get into arguments for this very reason...I work hard to diffuse disagreements before they get personal. It's difficult though, when some one pays little attention to feelings (I'm not saying that bf or you are doing that,but if it started out a rational discussion then maybe bf has had his feelings hurt and you didn't notice)

 

[nonsequitur]

I get this too. I'm definitely an NT, but after years of trying to "prove" myself, I came to the conclusion that it's honestly quite pointless. I don't care about "being right" anymore, I just want a harmonious relationship. It has nothing to do with making sure that no feelings are hurt, and more to do with energy levels/whether it's worth it or not.

I find that with NFs, you don't need to concede that they're "right", you can just (as an INTJ) say "I can see why you say that, and I understand your pov... but I can't agree with that generalisation given my personal experiences". Which often mollifies them without making them "right" or yourself "wrong"... and cuts off the argument, pretty much. Basically, just make sure that (if valid), their feelings are validated by yourself. If they're not valid, make a joke about it and try to make them feel better some how.

 

[Dwigie]

Nonsequitur is right, he knows us so well. Except for the joke part that drives me insane. I usually feel myself getting all worked up and walk away nowadays so I let the steam go out before hurting anyone's feelings.

 

[nonsequitur]

"she", Dwigie. Female. What I meant by the "joke" part was... For e.g., if my NF friend has a really crap day because he/she's been PMSing, I'd joke "well, with our luck, we'll probably be run over by a tram on our way home/robbed by a tramp" or something like that. I definitely wouldn't joke about their feelings. It would only fire them up more.

 

[Nonsensical]

Haha, I'm usually not right..mostly because I don't pay attention as much as I should..and I'm not saying that lightly..it gets me into a lot of trouble.

 

[cafe]

I'm much more of a scrapper than my NT is. Most of the time, like nonsequitur says, I don't need to be right I need to feel heard, understood. And I want to understand where others are coming from, what they're thinking. I believe in win-win as much as possible and that often means compromise, which means negotiation.

 

[edcoaching]

He has the 6th sense of being able to know what is going on with anyone that a lot of INFJ's seem to have. Reads people like a book. He is extremely emotional, far too emotional to be an INTJ. He is the emotional one, I am the reclusive one for sure.

Remember, T and F have to do with how we make decisions, not with how we control our emotions. Lots of T's exhibit tons of emotion. Lots of F's have learned how to stuff it to maintain harmony--or because it's convenient if you really want to backstab later

In my household, both T's happen to prefer Extraversion and both display far more frequent outbursts than the two Introverted ones who prefer Feeling...