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  1. #11
    Gotta catch you all! Blackmail!'s Avatar
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    Jess,


    Maybe your story has nothing to do with NF or NT.
    Maybe your boyfriend simply has something to prove to YOU, because you're not like anybody for him?
    It could be a way to show you what you mean for him.

    Have you considered this possibility?
    "A man who only drinks water has a secret to hide from his fellow-men" -Baudelaire

    7w8 SCUxI

  2. #12
    Senior Member Dwigie's Avatar
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    Pft, I'm an INFJ it can be one of our issues. If I think I'm right I have no problem hunting you down it depends on how annoyed I am. Sometimes I drop it, I drop it these days I have too much on my hands to act like an idiot and waste my time because I don't agree with people or what not...But it really is a big problem for me and people I'm with.
    Sometimes I feel like I'm "on Mercury"-

  3. #13
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    I get this. My INFJ sister has to convince others on some topics and can go on and on about them, if I'm not getting anything out of the discussion I'll stop caring and debating, she won't. The topics she will do this with tend to revolve around right and wrong human behaviour, people being taken advantage of and other kinds of unfair treatment.

    She is stubborn, I'm determined. With these topics she seems to have her ideas cemented in, if someone has been wronged than someone must be accountable, I'm more open to examining other logical points of view. Our ENFP mother is worse in this area when it comes to arguing a point to death.

    I do the same thing as you and just want to stop the discussion as I want logical not emotional arguments. I also dont like being wrong so if I get caught out I tend to want to retreat and think it over before I continue, basically I want the opportunity to subtly change my stance without losing face

  4. #14
    lab rat extraordinaire CrystalViolet's Avatar
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    I know when my feelings are hurt, I will argue some one down into the ground. Sometimes it's not really about the topic, but the need that, yes, you will acknowledged that you have hurt my feelings. I try not to get into arguments for this very reason...I work hard to diffuse disagreements before they get personal. It's difficult though, when some one pays little attention to feelings (I'm not saying that bf or you are doing that,but if it started out a rational discussion then maybe bf has had his feelings hurt and you didn't notice)
    Currently submerged under an avalanche of books and paper work. I may come back up for air from time to time.
    Real life awaits and she is a demanding mistress.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  5. #15
    / nonsequitur's Avatar
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    I get this too. I'm definitely an NT, but after years of trying to "prove" myself, I came to the conclusion that it's honestly quite pointless. I don't care about "being right" anymore, I just want a harmonious relationship. It has nothing to do with making sure that no feelings are hurt, and more to do with energy levels/whether it's worth it or not.

    I find that with NFs, you don't need to concede that they're "right", you can just (as an INTJ) say "I can see why you say that, and I understand your pov... but I can't agree with that generalisation given my personal experiences". Which often mollifies them without making them "right" or yourself "wrong"... and cuts off the argument, pretty much. Basically, just make sure that (if valid), their feelings are validated by yourself. If they're not valid, make a joke about it and try to make them feel better some how. :P

  6. #16
    Senior Member Dwigie's Avatar
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    Nonsequitur is right, he knows us so well. Except for the joke part that drives me insane. I usually feel myself getting all worked up and walk away nowadays so I let the steam go out before hurting anyone's feelings.
    Sometimes I feel like I'm "on Mercury"-

  7. #17
    / nonsequitur's Avatar
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    :P "she", Dwigie. Female. What I meant by the "joke" part was... For e.g., if my NF friend has a really crap day because he/she's been PMSing, I'd joke "well, with our luck, we'll probably be run over by a tram on our way home/robbed by a tramp" or something like that. I definitely wouldn't joke about their feelings. It would only fire them up more.

  8. #18
    Senior Member Nonsensical's Avatar
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    Haha, I'm usually not right..mostly because I don't pay attention as much as I should..and I'm not saying that lightly..it gets me into a lot of trouble.
    Is it that by its indefiniteness it shadows forth the heartless voids and immensities of the universe, and thus stabs us from behind with the thought of annihilation, when beholding the white depths of the milky way?

  9. #19
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    I'm much more of a scrapper than my NT is. Most of the time, like nonsequitur says, I don't need to be right I need to feel heard, understood. And I want to understand where others are coming from, what they're thinking. I believe in win-win as much as possible and that often means compromise, which means negotiation.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  10. #20
    Senior Member edcoaching's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jess View Post
    He has the 6th sense of being able to know what is going on with anyone that a lot of INFJ's seem to have. Reads people like a book. He is extremely emotional, far too emotional to be an INTJ. He is the emotional one, I am the reclusive one for sure.
    Remember, T and F have to do with how we make decisions, not with how we control our emotions. Lots of T's exhibit tons of emotion. Lots of F's have learned how to stuff it to maintain harmony--or because it's convenient if you really want to backstab later

    In my household, both T's happen to prefer Extraversion and both display far more frequent outbursts than the two Introverted ones who prefer Feeling...
    edcoaching

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