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[MBTI General] NFs and Gifts

Jae Rae

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I'm starting this thread because yet another friend (NT) told me it's hard for her to choose gifts for me. She said when my birthday comes up, her mind goes blank, so this time she asked me what I'd like. Well, what's wrong with that?

I've taken to dropping hints or even just outright telling my husband (NT) what I'd like for occasions and this works well.

What's so strange is that I usually give gifts that are appropriate and appreciated by folks - I seem to have a knack. It's not that they're just being kind or polite, I can tell it's the right gift. I do this in various ways: I know their hobbies and interests; this information stays in my head when I'm out shopping, not necessarily for them; I'm not afraid to ask others and/or them what they'd like. My NF daughter also can do this easily.

So I'm wondering - do you have the knack for gift-giving? And do others tell you it's easy or hard to buy gifts for you?


I should add I'm always appreciative for any gifts received.
 

Kyrielle

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Depends on the person. Usually if I know them okay and know about a quirk or two, I can find something that will be useful or will make them laugh because it makes fun of one of their quirks in a gentle way. I dunno, there's also some weird thing where sometimes I just look at something and will say "This has so-and-so written all over it" because something about it will be almost exactly like some part of their personality.

However, there are some people who, even though I know them well, I prefer to ask directly what they want. For example, I can "eyeball" shop for my brother and father, but I cannot do this very well for my mother. Mostly it's because I want to get her something she can use, and she's not always utility oriented. That and I also usually get her a book or two for the holidays and I don't want to be that person that gives away shitty books to people, so I like to make sure it's something they've been wanting to read.

As for myself. I can't imagine it being too terribly hard to shop for me. I like gifts that I can use, and I'm not all that secretive about my interests nor do I always have everything I need for my interests. If someone were really stuck, but didn't want to ask me directly what I wanted, I could point them to my bookshelf and that'd give them a pretty good idea of what kind of person I am (like how people find out more about other people by looking through their music collection, for me it's looking through my books).
 

runvardh

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Apparently I'm difficult, but my family says that about my father too, whom I probably know the best gifts for. Funny thing is, with the people I do know how what to get for, the things themselves tend to cost between $70 and $500. This is not because they're greedy, but because their activities and interests are expensive.
 

disregard

mrs
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People in my family say I'm difficult to buy for, because I'll get mad if it's not useful and something I really need. I am a bit of a grinch when it comes to spending money on unnecessary items. My sister says I'm hard to buy for because of my taste.

My friends.. I don't recall once getting upset over a gift. The best gifts are ones that are home-made or something that used to belong to the person. Those make me :wubbie:

As for gift-giving.. I've never been much of a gift-giver. If I get you a gift, it's something I liked and might want to borrow someday. :D
 

phoenix13

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Hmmm, I don't think I have a knack for giving gifts. I can make kick-ass cards, though.

No one has expressed difficulty in buying me presents. I'm pretty passionate about a lot of things and almost always happy with free stuff, so it's easy to think up gift ideas and hard to mess up.

Perhaps it's a matter of how out-there (visible, expressed) your interests are.
 

prplchknz

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Depends on how well I know the person, sometimes I can find the perfect gift other times I have no clue.

For me, I started making a wishlist on amazon, cuz I can never think of what I want when asked directly. I don't expect to get half the things on the list, but their's enough that I'll be suprised and still get what I want.
 

kyuuei

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I tend to have this as well. People seem to be unable to shop for me, although I am disgustingly easy to please and I have enough hobbies and interests to forever doom me..

But my gift giving usually goes like this: I find something that's PERFECT for someone every so often. Christmas rolls around: I usually have had my eye out on gifts months in advance, so when the season kicks in, I sort of know what I am looking for. I, too, collect information and tuck it away in my mind as far as hints people have dropped, or things people have said. I also do generic gift-giving if I just have a blank drawn in my mind, but otherwise I tend to go out of my way to ensure if I'm going to do it, at least do it right.
 

Anja

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I carry the people I would give gifts to with me in thought. Sometimes I'll run into something that's "just perfect" and pick it up on the spot to save for a gift.

I like to give gifts that have meaning to the other person and try to find something unique. I often sew or cook my gifts for others. When I'm stumped I give a gift of my time. Magazine subscriptions on subjects of interest are also a good idea, I think.

I may be difficult to buy for. Material things are not of great importance to me, so a diamond necklace wouldn't be highly valued unless it were a family heirloom. It could be that I'd rather have an arrangement of dried flowers. And I think people might feel uncomfortable giving me something with so little apparent value to them.

I appreciate most gifts I am given. And over time I've told most everyone in my life to please not buy me items of apparrel as my taste in clothing is unusual.
 

Jae Rae

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I carry the people I would give gifts to with me in thought. Sometimes I'll run into something that's "just perfect" and pick it up on the spot to save for a gift.

I like to give gifts that have meaning to the other person and try to find something unique. I often sew or cook my gifts for others. When I'm stumped I give a gift of my time. Magazine subscriptions on subjects of interest are also a good idea, I think.

I may be difficult to buy for. Material things are not of great importance to me, so a diamond necklace wouldn't be highly valued unless it were a family heirloom. It could be that I'd rather have an arrangement of dried flowers. And I think people might feel uncomfortable giving me something with so little apparent value to them.

I appreciate most gifts I am given. And over time I've told most everyone in my life to please not buy me items of apparrel as my taste in clothing is unusual.

Anja, I agree with nearly every word you've written here.

I love gifts of self - baked goods, homemade cards, homegrown flowers, etc. I also love to go out to lunch with friends for my birthday.

Clothing is tough to buy, but isn't it so for most people?

I also relate to Kyrielle's post about books - my husband and I both work with books, so people sometimes think we love ALL books.

Thanks to everyone who posted. There are many similarities to my experience of giving and receiving gifts.
 

heart

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I'm starting this thread because yet another friend (NT) told me it's hard for her to choose gifts for me. She said when my birthday comes up, her mind goes blank, so this time she asked me what I'd like. Well, what's wrong with that?

I've taken to dropping hints or even just outright telling my husband (NT) what I'd like for occasions and this works well.

I try to learn about the person and see what items they display in their homes or keep about them on daily basis.

I give my husband a specific list each year with book titles, clothing sizes and colors, etc. My best friend does the same with her husband. My husband is INFJ and hers is ENFP. It takes the stress off of them.

I get the same thing from him every year for Christmas basically, a new nightgown, a DVD or two, several books and I'm always thrilled.

My sisters get me the sweetest, most thoughful whimiscal items with cats on them which I love. (even the sister who otherwise won't talk to me!)

My in-laws buy me books that I hate. Like "behind scenes at the white house" and then say "well I know you like history." :rolleyes: When they've asked me what time period I study, I've told them early modern: 1400-1850, it never sticks with them. *sigh*

But goodness, get me just about anything with cats on it, or anything dealing with said time period or scented candles or bath oils. I'm really happy with those types of gifts.
 

SillySapienne

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Wow, interestingly enough, I am in the same boat about both things!!!

Yes, I would say that I have always had a knack for gift-giving, I think this is due to the fact that I tend to be acutely aware of what a person's tastes/likes are. Also, I enjoy getting/making gifts, immensely. When you get a unique gift for someone that they end up absolutely loving, I dunno... it makes me :D

People have told me that I was a difficult person to get gifts for, I really don't know why, though.

Luckily I no longer care too much about gifts, I have everything I can possibly want (material wise), so I often tell my loved ones that gifts are not necessary.
 

Jae Rae

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I try to learn about the person and see what items they display in their homes or keep about them on daily basis.

I give my husband a specific list each year with book titles, clothing sizes and colors, etc. My best friend does the same with her husband. My husband is INFJ and hers is ENFP. It takes the stress off of them.

I get the same thing from him every year for Christmas basically, a new nightgown, a DVD or two, several books and I'm always thrilled.

My sisters get me the sweetest, most thoughful whimiscal items with cats on them which I love. (even the sister who otherwise won't talk to me!)

My in-laws buy me books that I hate. Like "behind scenes at the white house" and then say "well I know you like history." :rolleyes: When they've asked me what time period I study, I've told them early modern: 1400-1850, it never sticks with them. *sigh*

But goodness, get me just about anything with cats on it, or anything dealing with said time period or scented candles or bath oils. I'm really happy with those types of gifts.

It seems that for some of us (Fs) it's just easier to keep those personal bits of information in our heads.

Heart, your nightgown story reminds me of one of the (unintentionally) funniest stories I've ever heard - when I was a very young woman I worked with a middle-aged divorcee at the library. Goodness knows how she supported herself on what we got paid, but I think she had a live-in boyfriend. One day she came to work grumbling because he'd gotten her a vacuum cleaner as a birthday present. "Doesn't he know I need a new peignoir set?"

That line will stay with me forever.

I'm not much for scented soap, oil or candles, but I love beeswax candles, which is what I told my friend when she asked what I'd like.
 

heart

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^ lol, well for Christmas it's usually a flannel nightgown for winter. He always finds the prettiest, most feminine ones. Always a suprise to see what it looks like! :D

Usually get a sexier, silky one for birthday. Though this year we skipped birthdays.
 

GZA

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I see gifts as sort of a social institution to some degree, depending on the occasion. Like sometimes you just get your neighbor a movie or whatever cause it's there birthday, but really you just want to hang out with them.

I like to give laughter as a gift, and it's not even a cover up for being cheap :laugh:. For my friend's birthday recently, I thought it would be fun to get him the most useless, arbitrary gift imaginable. So I bought a toaster for $17 and gave it to him. He laughed his ass off for like half an hour. I think a gift like that is more fun and more memorable than most other gifts. I remember a few years ago at one of my friend's birthday parties some guys bought her an ironing board with the same premise; you'll never guess what it is and once you know what it is it simply doesn't make any sense. The ironing board was even better because it has such a bizarre shape, she looked at it all night when it was still wrapped and thought "what could it possibly be?". The gift was the laugh, not the toaster. I think he had a toaster already, so the only use it would have is being returned for store credit at Sears or smashing it in an alleyway. I realize this kind of gift isn't for everyone, though.

As for what kinds of gifts I like to recieve, I don't really care. I don't really need any gifts, cause all the material things I want I already have, or can afford myself. Getting gifts in my family is bassically just getting them to buy me something I would have bought anyway (i.e. movie, CD, book, ect). I don't think I'd care if I never recieved another gift again in my life.
 

cascadeco

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I don't know, I feel like sometimes I can be really good with gifts, and find the 'perfect' item that I know a friend will like, but other times I have a tough time finding something. I think a lot of it is that my friends tend to not like 'things' so much, and are pretty particular about what they do like and aren't into collecting things and aren't very materialistic. And sometimes it's hard to find something that fits the bill and is personalized but not material - a mix of useful and meaningful, I suppose, is what my friends tend to want. I'll also get them books sometimes if I'm confident they'll like them or it pertains to something they're thinking about or pursuing in life -- and I don't have that confidence all that often! Also, I always like making mix cd's for people. :) And on a few occasions I've given friends one of my paintings as a gift.

Mom is fairly easy to shop for, as she likes 'stuff'. She likes having a lot out as far as interior decorating things go, so I'm not usually at a loss for what to get her. I'll often get her books too.

Dad is never easy to shop for, because he doesn't really have any hobbies, so lately I've started going the Barnes & Noble gift card route. Occasionally I'll get him a shirt, or I'll choose a history book for him. I've had success with some books I've gotten him, but I can tell I've botched the book selection up on least one occasion. He's hard.

Brother can be difficult, as he doesn't tend to want anything either, doesn't really have any hobbies other than net surfing and msnbc-watching, he doesn't read, and I wouldn't dare pick out music for him, so I'll usually just default his gifts to clothing. The only thing he DOES have that's a collection of sorts is a collection of wooden animal carvings -- so that's something I always keep an eye out for, especially when I'm traveling.

Gifts for myself -the one thing that's shifted in recent years is that I don't really want to accumulate 'stuff' anymore (like decorating-type things) - well, not that I ever really needed that stuff, but it kinda happened whilst living with my mom! Many of my things are gifts from her! But she's now aware that I'm not wanting 'stuff' so much anymore. Plus I've gotten pretty choosy about my ambience, and am going for a certain look and don't really want anything new unless I find something handcrafted overseas). Books, music, tea, gift cards for clothing, lotions/bath stuff things I like quite a bit these days. Or dark chocolate. That always works. :) And *anything* personalized -- mix cd's, homemade things...would be really special to me.
 

Jae Rae

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I like to give laughter as a gift, and it's not even a cover up for being cheap :laugh:. For my friend's birthday recently, I thought it would be fun to get him the most useless, arbitrary gift imaginable. So I bought a toaster for $17 and gave it to him. He laughed his ass off for like half an hour. I think a gift like that is more fun and more memorable than most other gifts. I remember a few years ago at one of my friend's birthday parties some guys bought her an ironing board with the same premise; you'll never guess what it is and once you know what it is it simply doesn't make any sense. The ironing board was even better because it has such a bizarre shape, she looked at it all night when it was still wrapped and thought "what could it possibly be?". The gift was the laugh, not the toaster. I think he had a toaster already, so the only use it would have is being returned for store credit at Sears or smashing it in an alleyway. I realize this kind of gift isn't for everyone, though.

I like this sentiment very much. Laughter is a gift of self, too.

When a dear friend was moving to Austin, I searched the web for a Texas item. I finally chose a brass belt buckle with a Texas star; I knew he'd never wear it, but it was symbolic and hecka funny. :D He thought it was great.
 

GinKuusouka

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I find that, in most cases, it's easy for me to find the right gift for someone. Something that they seem to really adore. There's only one person that seems unpleasable when I give him a gift, no matter how deep I delve into his interests and how hard I try. :doh: He happens to be my brother. :cry: Otherwise, I seem to have a knack for choosing the right gift too. :nice:

My family tells me it's hard to choose a gift for me, though I enjoy anything that seems to have had a little thought put behind it. Regardless, I thank them for the gift. My friends, on the other hand, don't seem to have as much trouble shopping for me. :yes:
 
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