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  1. #51
    I drink your milkshake. Thessaly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unique View Post
    Find an ESTP!!
    I don't believe I've ever dated or been close friends with an ESTP hmmm...

  2. #52
    ish red no longer *sad* nightning's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ruthie View Post
    That would SO not work for me. Granted, some of the activities you mentioned (hiking, fishing) sound like stuff I would be into (forget the skydiving, though!) and would make for a great date. But the whole concept of building a relationship by trying to get me out of my comfort zone wouldn't work for me. Take camping, for example. I like a lot of outdoor activities, but I don't like the idea of sleeping outside. I can't count the number of people who thought they could change my mind about that - like I'm wearing a "please broaden my horizons" sign on my back. They're the same people who take it as a character flaw if you don't order adventurously at restaurants.

    As far as finding Se-type activities, I like doing a lot of things that would qualify (baseball games, fairs/amusement parks, beaches...) I would much rather find something that we BOTH would enjoy doing, rather than have some guy think he's going to be my savior and Show Me The Light with some new activity. Just puts pressure on me to have fun, makes me feel boring if I don't, and makes me resent him for making me feel that way.
    I think I should re-empathize my 1st qualifying statement...

    Drag an INFJ female off to do something different and fun. Take her out hiking, fishing, skydiving (if you can manage that one). Have a fun time without any expectations. Make it a surprise outing if you wish. But that's only after the INFJ is attracted to you.
    People who's trying to drag you off somewhere because they see it as a character flaw to do otherwise doesn't qualify... because they have an expectation of "what's suppose to happen". If somebody you're close to genuinely wanted share an experience with you, just to share it, then it's a different story.

    I have a comfort zone too, but it's easier to step out of it if you don't have to worry about meeting expectations. Just having fun doing whatever once in a while. It's a nice break. Obviously being dragged about too often is tiring.

    Quote Originally Posted by Unique View Post
    Find an ESTP!!
    Most ESTP seems a tad over the top for me. Too much action and not enough contemplation.
    My stuff (design & other junk) lives here: http://nnbox.ca

  3. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by LadyJaye View Post
    I dated an INFJ years ago - the only guy I've ever been in love with. I loved that we didn't have to talk in order to be on the same page, like scary telepathy. But, he was moody - actually, every NFJ I know is moody - and his feelings, though internalized, really seemed to take him over, like he just couldn't handle them sometimes. It was driving my Fi up the wall. I have to say though, the chemistry was insane.

    I wonder if INFP's have the advantage over us ENFP's in the sense that they are more their own island, and can retreat within themselves when someone is moody or difficult. ?
    Yes, I think so.

    Yes, husband can be extremely moody. At times it is like being married to a gothic novel but I always liked gothic novels yet it does drive me crazy...My problem is that I often take his moodiness/withdrawal personally. This is one part of me that drives him crazy. (when he is moody he expects to be super emo and have me remain this cold, detached observer yet at the same time he wants outpourings of sympathy/empathy)

    Yes, about the telepathy thing. This was and remains the most attractive part of the relationship. It's magical.

    Yes, intense chemistry. (we can also irritate the hell out of each other and have intense arguments so this is a double sided-coin) I am still crazy about him in this way, even when I am mad at him, when he first comes home, there's automatic excitment that he's back around me. I don't start purring and roll in the hallway like the cat does, but inside I feel like it.

    He adores when I am very Ne, it makes him laugh, lightens him up and entertains him---unless he is tired, in which case it drives him crazy because at those times he wants things clear cut, mono and if I am tired too then I get really, really vague and scattered. He takes this personally, as if I were purposely being vague and scattered in my responses to play games with him. (Which I am not it is just that my brain cannot be anything but random at those times) But this is only when we're both tired. There are our most volatile periods. It's kind of like the weather in our relationship---North Central Texas weather I suppose. We try to get better about recognizing when we are both in such a state but it is easy to slip when tired or feeling sick.

    There's also a relief that I get so much time to introvert and he understands the need. He understands more than others when I am odd or not graceful socially. All my odd quirkiness is OK. We most often give each other space without distance and this is a great comfort in life.

  4. #54
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ruthie View Post
    I would much rather find something that we BOTH would enjoy doing, rather than have some guy think he's going to be my savior and Show Me The Light with some new activity. Just puts pressure on me to have fun, makes me feel boring if I don't, and makes me resent him for making me feel that way.
    do you think it is a 6 trait to have a bit of a defiant streak? my intj 6 does, but since you're leaning towards infj for yourself, i'm interested to hear what you would think about being labeled defiant. (ie i get a "don't push me, i'm not your monkey" kind of response if i rib a bit too much)

    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    I find NF women are more likely to be drawn to T men in general. (Or at least think they are. ) I've noticed a tendency for F men to be drawn more towards F women, as they want someone as tender or more tender than they are.
    men don't get it (the whole F relating) with other men. so while in terms of a functional life partnership a T woman makes more sense, they want F F F at first bc their experience in teh world with other men is usually a little too stj to get into anything meaningful to them and their sense of themselves and share that with others.

    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    Well, Se is really about taking in external stimulation via the 5 senses - being a part of the physical world. How that fleshes out varies depending on the individual. One of my friends sounded a bit like you, except even amusement parks were too much for her. However, she still did enjoy it when her ISTP took her on road trips "just because", or they'd go to the mall and walk around, run errands together, or just watch TV and comment on the show while they cuddled.
    definitely, i wonder if there is a gender difference too. part of using Se for inj types is letting down your guard. Ni is wary much of the time, defensive, preparing for negative possibilities (as is Si). it can be a bit paranoid. Se feels so light and free, being in the moment, etc. plus the difference, teh uniqueness of experience, texture, colour, taste, etc that you get from sensory information stimulates our imagination. sometimes we lose all sense of taste, so vibrancy is literally a breath of fresh air.

    Quote Originally Posted by nightning View Post
    Most ESTP seems a tad over the top for me. Too much action and not enough contemplation.
    definitely. they also rarely show their own vulnerabilities or allow themselves to connect in an emotionally honest way.

  5. #55
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    Quote Originally Posted by nightning View Post
    Most ESTP seems a tad over the top for me. Too much action and not enough contemplation.
    Was sorta talking a bit more to the INFP... they aren't so... lets plan things
    here have a hug anyway

    Quote Originally Posted by Thessaly View Post
    I don't believe I've ever dated or been close friends with an ESTP hmmm...
    Oh right, usually works pretty well, I'm almost with an INFP and have 2 INFP close friends

    We're usually the one craving to do something amazing but don't have the crazy idea yet, come give us one! lol

    Mmm well, maybe one will talk to you soon! Or better yet, go find one! haha

    Quote Originally Posted by the state i am in View Post
    definitely. they also rarely show their own vulnerabilities or allow themselves to connect in an emotionally honest way.
    emotional connectivity? you looking for a girlfriend or a man? lol seriously though I think T/T or F/F is usually in the case of Ts too standoffish and in the case of Fs too overwhelming

    I'd hate to be an F guy tbh, they don't really fit in as well

  6. #56
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unique View Post
    I'd hate to be an F guy tbh, they don't really fit in as well
    how unique.

  7. #57
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    Quote Originally Posted by the state i am in View Post
    how unique.
    I seem to have replaced Fe on my function order with Fi

    So yes, very unique ;p

    I'm more talking about those dominant Fe guys they can sometimes have a hard time

    There's unique and then there is strange... haha

    I have an ENFJ mate thats a cool cat though

  8. #58
    Senior Member Ruthie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by the state i am in View Post
    do you think it is a 6 trait to have a bit of a defiant streak? my intj 6 does, but since you're leaning towards infj for yourself, i'm interested to hear what you would think about being labeled defiant. (ie i get a "don't push me, i'm not your monkey" kind of response if i rib a bit too much)
    Oh yeah. I have a defiant streak. And thanks, by the way, for reducing my desire to not play the Student role in my relationships to said "defiant streak."

  9. #59
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by the state i am in View Post
    men don't get it (the whole F relating) with other men. so while in terms of a functional life partnership a T woman makes more sense, they want F F F at first bc their experience in teh world with other men is usually a little too stj to get into anything meaningful to them and their sense of themselves and share that with others.
    That's a damn good point.

  10. #60
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ruthie View Post
    Oh yeah. I have a defiant streak. And thanks, by the way, for reducing my desire to not play the Student role in my relationships to said "defiant streak."
    i like what you just did right there.

    i'm curious tho what this is like for an inj 6. the idea of being toyed with is awful for any Ni dom type. i think part of it is a combination of Ni turning over the situation and like having a specific program running in the background finding things that could be a threat to their autonomy, security, and sense of predictability. i assumed Te was much more aggressive than Fe, but maybe it has more to do with the 6?

    so where does the specific 6 motivation come into play to turn it into defiance? for me, i'll just stare someone down, kinda give 'em the glaring cold Ti intp-like intensity and just walk away. a kind of fuck you, i'm done with you kind of thing/statement. but that's the 5 talking. what registers for 6s and how do you describe the attitudes you get in the moment?

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