[MBTI General] INFJ-INFP relationship

[heart]

...there might be a lack of communication ...

Why?

 

[iwakar]

Positive: Never been better (NOT perfectly of course) understood with so much patience and appreciation.

Negative: As the lone J, definitely feel put upon "to make the call" on life's decisions.

 

[ferrisbueller]

any type can work with any type.

Blech. If you don't think compatibility and type are related then choose another topic.

I'm very nearly an INFP and I've been dating an INFJ for over a year. It works out pretty well for us. In our relationship I'm the moody one, however, which seems to be different from some of you. Getting my INFJ to emotionally communicate openly has been the biggest trial, and keeping my mood stable has been a big one as well.

 

[Evi]

I have an INFP roommate and we get along wonderfully. The lack of structure is frustrating at times, but really only when it interferes with my own structure. She the more outgoing of the two of us and likes to challenge people's comfort zones, which for some reason I really like about her. She isn't fake, a quality I value highly.

 

[Brutus01]

I have trouble with INFPs. To me they lack ambition and are too "P".
I worry that I could run right over them and not even know it.

I lean toward INTJ though so maybe that is why.

Lack ambition? gah i feel like i have to much of it!

 

[runvardh]

I think my worst attribute is that I'm still easily side tracked...

Who is able to handle that?

 

[Udog]

I've always been drawn to INFJs, but I've never been quite able to make it click. There is connection, and attraction, but as Eileen said, never any real fire. If it ever does click, it will be incredible... but I won't hold my breath.

The pattern in my life that I noticed (as a male with female INFJs) is that to make an INFJ helplessly attracted to you, you have to really stimulate their Se.

 

[heart]

Positive: Never been better (NOT perfectly of course) understood with so much patience and appreciation.

Negative: As the lone J, definitely feel put upon "to make the call" on life's decisions.

This doesn't bear true in my relationship. He takes a lot longer to come a to decision than I do (procrastinates like crazy), it is just that once he's made a decision he wants it set in stone and I'll allow more flexing after coming to a decision. He also needs external motivation to do chores and such, he relies on me a lot of the time to provide it. That can be a little draining. I'm the one who ends up filing taxes and paying bills and things like that.

^ was edited to better explain. (lol, nothing's ever totally finished!)

 

[Thursday]

This doesn't bear true in my relationship. Many times my Te is the only thing that gets anything done around here.

right again, heart
let us not forget that Fi is the judging function
and Ni is the perciever

 

[LadyJaye]

I dated an INFJ years ago - the only guy I've ever been in love with. I loved that we didn't have to talk in order to be on the same page, like scary telepathy. But, he was moody - actually, every NFJ I know is moody - and his feelings, though internalized, really seemed to take him over, like he just couldn't handle them sometimes. It was driving my Fi up the wall. I have to say though, the chemistry was insane.

I wonder if INFP's have the advantage over us ENFP's in the sense that they are more their own island, and can retreat within themselves when someone is moody or difficult. ?

 

[Thursday]

I dated an INFJ years ago - the only guy I've ever been in love with. I loved that we didn't have to talk in order to be on the same page, like scary telepathy. But, he was moody - actually, every NFJ I know is moody - and his feelings, though internalized, really seemed to take him over, like he just couldn't handle them sometimes. It was driving my Fi up the wall. I have to say though, the chemistry was insane.

I wonder if INFP's have the advantage over us ENFP's in the sense that they are more their own island, and can retreat within themselves when someone is moody or difficult. ?

no - it depends on the partner/circumstance/health of the INFP

 

[BlueScreen]

On the boards I seem to clash with female INFJ more often than not (Except TJ). But the masculine male INFJ are easier to get along with. Not sure why this is, just is.

I have similar clashing with female INFJs. Never sure why, the whole different functions thing probably. Find them a little moody and introverted, which sometimes comes off as completely cold or dismissive. Though I find the male INFJs are more laid back. Maybe it's a socially learnt difference. Or the way we both behave when there's chemistry.

 

[rank]

Forget about type... similar principles and values are way more important.

True. However, type may be pre-defined by some of the values (pretty much). Then one can complain, knowing that this type is very rare, that to meet all the other criteria becomes nearly impossible.

I want to note also how different are INFJs with regard to gender and relationships. Another person usually divides INFJs into male and female - one of the gender groups gets along well with them, and the other - doesn't.

Besides, there's the issue of aging - seems to be critical when we discuss INFJs. Younger INFJs are much more "bitchy", aggressive and intolerant at times. Getting older, they slowly change that. The same drive is still with them, but they put it in a more refined form, as an educated social revolt in a form of teaching of its own.

 

[amelie]

One of my 3 best friends is an INFP. We get along really well in small doses, but the few times that we've gone to conferences or on extended visits with each other, her tendency to not want to make plans starts to wear on me, and both of us are fairly guarded with our emotions (easily hurt) so that can be hard. But we love to hang out at the same places - bookstores, movies, etc. - and we connect on a deep level when we aren't guarding. We talk about things freely that I would never share with most people. She gets me on a deeper emotional level than most people. My other BFs are ESTJ and 2 INTJs, and they listen, but they don't share the emotions and empathy with me in the same way, if that makes sense.

 

[AceofSpades]

I don't think I've meet any female INFP's (maybe at a renaissance festival) but the two I know at work I consider good friends. I easily joke around with them in very childish ways. They both have musical expertise in certain genres which is fascinating. At times they can be moody at unforseen times which catch me by surprise but nothing to get to get in a tiff over, other than that I have no problem getting along with them and enjoy them in general.

 

[PeaceBaby]

I find the consistent application of type stereotype fascinating, prevalent in this thread as in many others. Many of you may recall I am married to an ESTJ - you would think that makes him (by type default) the organizer, the bill-payer, the disciplinarian. But - not true! He does do the dishes though, and the laundry, so I am not complaining!

Honestly, I think some people see a distant disorganized dreamer and slap an INFP label on them when it's not warranted. I will now cease proselytizing in this thread, but people, give your head a shake and realize that type is generalities only!

Now, in the spirit of answering the OP, any people I have believed to be INFJ in my life are good friends, including one very good one. I get along with them just fine, and generally hold them in high regard. We share a closeness that you don't always find in other people.

I don't really think INFJ's are all that rare ... but maybe it's the circles I hang in.

 

[Sarcasticus]

The pattern in my life that I noticed (as a male with female INFJs) is that to make an INFJ helplessly attracted to you, you have to really stimulate their Se.

Can you elaborate on this?

 

[runvardh]

Can you elaborate on this?

Check out the Arthouse then get back to us

 

[nightning]

True. However, type may be pre-defined by some of the values (pretty much). Then one can complain, knowing that this type is very rare, that to meet all the other criteria becomes nearly impossible.

I want to note also how different are INFJs with regard to gender and relationships. Another person usually divides INFJs into male and female - one of the gender groups gets along well with them, and the other - doesn't.

Besides, there's the issue of aging - seems to be critical when we discuss INFJs. Younger INFJs are much more "bitchy", aggressive and intolerant at times. Getting older, they slowly change that. The same drive is still with them, but they put it in a more refined form, as an educated social revolt in a form of teaching of its own.

Agree with both your comments about gender and age/maturity. However you see pretty much the same pattern across all types. I'm not sure if knowing a person's type help much.

Not sure what you meant by "all the other criteria" when it comes to INFJ values. Sure we're suppose to be one of the few rarer types, but there's still a fair number of us around.

Can you elaborate on this?

Drag an INFJ female off to do something different and fun. Take her out hiking, fishing, skydiving (if you can manage that one). Have a fun time without any expectations. Make it a surprise outing if you wish. But that's only after the INFJ is attracted to you.

 

[the state i am in]

udog, i'd like to hear more of what you were getting at as well. you may be on to something.