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  1. #1

    Default NF females both drawn to and repulsed by NF males?

    Any of you NF females both drawn to and repulsed by NF males?

    I seem to experience more of the second response than the first (comparatively, not generally) as I hurtle towards 30 and I'm feeling guilty about it.
    "The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things." - Rainer Maria Rilke

  2. #2
    mrs disregard's Avatar
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    I think that what makes NF-NF attraction difficult (at least for me) is that you, as a values-oriented individual, are dealing with another values-oriented individual (relatively speaking), and that leaves lots of room for vehement disagreement.

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by disregard View Post
    I think that what makes NF-NF attraction difficult (at least for me) is that you, as a values-oriented individual, are dealing with another values-oriented individual (relatively speaking), and that leaves lots of room for vehement disagreement.
    That's not the source of my annoyance. I'm referring to being grateful for that level of understanding and appreciation, but wishing the male NF was better at flexing their S or T muscles more often.

    An example, but not an exclusive one, is that one of my long time S.O.s is an INFP and between the two of us I was always faaaaaaaaar more capable of putting on my ExTJ business suit (this could be related to my years of retail management) and getting shit done. Whether it be long/short-term goal achievement, task details, putting on a poker face for the world, acting as a pillar of strength for the other during hard times, making choices based on logic rather than feeling, dealing firmly with unsavory outsiders etc... In fact, my ability to consistently perform in the areas I struggled most with and his complete failure to do so at most junctures resulted in a great deal of resentment on my end and the resultant rupture between us.

    I can't believe that INFJs hold the NF monopoly on being able to demonstrate their inferior abilities when the need arises... or is my belief wrong? Arguably that magic little J could force NFs to cover all kinds of unimaginable terrain for the sake of accomplishing something important, but really... personally, my J is rather weak. Surely the stubborn worldviews of an INFP (for example) could accomplish the same amazing feats... right?



    Anyhow, that covers new ground. I suppose my personal experiences may have painted an inaccurate portrait of the tendencies and capabilities of NF males, but it's a hard view to shake. The end result is a (possibly flawed?) assumption that NF females are better at playing tough girl than NF males are at playing tough guy... at least with each other.
    Last edited by iwakar; 10-25-2008 at 11:58 AM. Reason: typo
    "The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things." - Rainer Maria Rilke

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    12 and a half weeks BerberElla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iwakar View Post
    That's not the source of my annoyance. I'm referring to being grateful for that level of understanding and appreciation, but wishing the male NF was better at flexing their S or T muscles more often.
    Yes, I feel that all the time. I love NF men for the connection, and understanding but I often feel like I have made another female friend in mens clothing (no offence to any NF men) in that I can open up about anything and everything.

    However I have no attraction, I need some T or some S to feel attraction. I have wished it could be different, and I have also felt guilty for not being able to feel attraction back when it has been there. I just can't help how I feel though.
    Echo - "So are you trying to say she is Evil"

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    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
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    I sometimes immediately feel my focus drawn to an NF male. "Ah! There you are!"

    Then all this stuff goes on - recognition, empathy, irritation.

    I suppose it's sort of like looking critically in the mirror.

    The strongest attractions I ever feel toward a male are to the NFs but I can 't imagine being able to live comfortably with one.

    Too much of a good/bad thing?
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

  6. #6
    Senior Member Angry Ayrab's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BerberElla View Post
    I love NF men for the connection, and understanding but I often feel like I have made another female friend in mens clothing (no offence to any NF men) in that I can open up about anything and everything.
    LMFAO...

    On a serious note, I just think you guys need to find somone that is capable of being a man when the need arises. I like to be me on a natural note, but when shit needs to be done, or my family needs me I am the scariest ESTJ type you have ever met. I bet most NF males can do this when they mature enough to understand their responsiblities and their role in a relationship.

    What yall are saying is yall want a man, and I get ya.

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    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
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    Hey! I don't want a man! I got one too many already.

    Your point about balance is well taken, Ayrab.
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

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    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
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    Yes. I saw that too. There's some kind of sex role stuff going on here?
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

  9. #9
    Senior Member gloomy-optimist's Avatar
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    The only NF men I could be drawn to would have to be an E. I've seen a few attractive ENFJs before.

    But my main problem is that I need someone to balance out my emotions. I need a rock to cling to; I would love someone that could help me be strong and give me foundation.
    Unfortunately, NF men can come off as too sentimental for me; if he's clinging on to me, what am I supposed to cling onto?
    I love NF men, but for actual relationships, I need someone who can bring me back down to earth :/

  10. #10
    heart on fire
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    If you want an NF man but wish he'd flex his S & T more, simply find one who can. Older NF males should be able to better.

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