[NF] NF females both drawn to and repulsed by NF males?

[iwakar]

Any of you NF females both drawn to and repulsed by NF males?

I seem to experience more of the second response than the first (comparatively, not generally) as I hurtle towards 30 and I'm feeling guilty about it.

 

[disregard]

I think that what makes NF-NF attraction difficult (at least for me) is that you, as a values-oriented individual, are dealing with another values-oriented individual (relatively speaking), and that leaves lots of room for vehement disagreement.

 

[iwakar]

I think that what makes NF-NF attraction difficult (at least for me) is that you, as a values-oriented individual, are dealing with another values-oriented individual (relatively speaking), and that leaves lots of room for vehement disagreement.

That's not the source of my annoyance. I'm referring to being grateful for that level of understanding and appreciation, but wishing the male NF was better at flexing their S or T muscles more often.

An example, but not an exclusive one, is that one of my long time S.O.s is an INFP and between the two of us I was always faaaaaaaaar more capable of putting on my ExTJ business suit (this could be related to my years of retail management) and getting shit done. Whether it be long/short-term goal achievement, task details, putting on a poker face for the world, acting as a pillar of strength for the other during hard times, making choices based on logic rather than feeling, dealing firmly with unsavory outsiders etc... In fact, my ability to consistently perform in the areas I struggled most with and his complete failure to do so at most junctures resulted in a great deal of resentment on my end and the resultant rupture between us.

I can't believe that INFJs hold the NF monopoly on being able to demonstrate their inferior abilities when the need arises... or is my belief wrong? Arguably that magic little J could force NFs to cover all kinds of unimaginable terrain for the sake of accomplishing something important, but really... personally, my J is rather weak. Surely the stubborn worldviews of an INFP (for example) could accomplish the same amazing feats... right?



Anyhow, that covers new ground. I suppose my personal experiences may have painted an inaccurate portrait of the tendencies and capabilities of NF males, but it's a hard view to shake. The end result is a (possibly flawed?) assumption that NF females are better at playing tough girl than NF males are at playing tough guy... at least with each other.

 

[BerberElla]

That's not the source of my annoyance. I'm referring to being grateful for that level of understanding and appreciation, but wishing the male NF was better at flexing their S or T muscles more often.

Yes, I feel that all the time. I love NF men for the connection, and understanding but I often feel like I have made another female friend in mens clothing (no offence to any NF men) in that I can open up about anything and everything.

However I have no attraction, I need some T or some S to feel attraction. I have wished it could be different, and I have also felt guilty for not being able to feel attraction back when it has been there. I just can't help how I feel though.

 

[Anja]

I sometimes immediately feel my focus drawn to an NF male. "Ah! There you are!"

Then all this stuff goes on - recognition, empathy, irritation.

I suppose it's sort of like looking critically in the mirror.

The strongest attractions I ever feel toward a male are to the NFs but I can 't imagine being able to live comfortably with one.

Too much of a good/bad thing?

 

[Angry Ayrab]

I love NF men for the connection, and understanding but I often feel like I have made another female friend in mens clothing (no offence to any NF men) in that I can open up about anything and everything.

LMFAO...

On a serious note, I just think you guys need to find somone that is capable of being a man when the need arises. I like to be me on a natural note, but when shit needs to be done, or my family needs me I am the scariest ESTJ type you have ever met. I bet most NF males can do this when they mature enough to understand their responsiblities and their role in a relationship.

What yall are saying is yall want a man, and I get ya.

 

[Anja]

Hey! I don't want a man! I got one too many already.

Your point about balance is well taken, Ayrab.

 

[Anja]

Yes. I saw that too. There's some kind of sex role stuff going on here?

 

[gloomy-optimist]

The only NF men I could be drawn to would have to be an E. I've seen a few attractive ENFJs before.

But my main problem is that I need someone to balance out my emotions. I need a rock to cling to; I would love someone that could help me be strong and give me foundation.
Unfortunately, NF men can come off as too sentimental for me; if he's clinging on to me, what am I supposed to cling onto?
I love NF men, but for actual relationships, I need someone who can bring me back down to earth :/

 

[heart]

If you want an NF man but wish he'd flex his S & T more, simply find one who can. Older NF males should be able to better.

 

[disregard]

One of the most attractive (in personality, and looks) people I know is an NF male. I think, specifically, what makes his being NF so hot is that he has a very masculine appearance and drive... but he is an idealist and brilliant and independent and passionate... It is a thrilling combination.

I can't say which type he is... But I would say ENFP.

 

[violaine]

I can be quite drawn to balanced NF men. The well-rounded, quietly confident ones are wonderful. I used to date an INFP some years ago and it didn't work out because I felt smothered. That turned me off NF men for a while. Now that I could say "I love you but I need some space", it would probably work out better but I would also want him to have some inner fortitude. A grounded and confident NF man is particularly attractive.

 

[SillySapienne]

One of the most attractive (in personality, and looks) people I know is an NF male. I think, specifically, what makes his being NF so hot is that he has a very masculine appearance and drive... but he is an idealist and brilliant and independent and passionate... It is a thrilling combination.

That sounds like a PERFECT man!!!

If I were to ever meet a masculine NF, I would probably get all for him.

And on a slightly tangential note, I would TOTALLY go for a hawt, uber-ISTP lesbian.

 

[Anja]

A very sweet, and in modern parlance, "hot" and "sexy INFP male friend of mine was a guy I just loved to spend time with and, yes, sanveane, I often felt - a word, um, a word. Not smothered so much. Overloved? Not that.

Well, dang. He just plain felt dependent. But that may have been because he had dwindled his support system to nothing. Bad habits, jealousy, impulsivity. So I imagine it's a matter of healthy balance, which he certainly didn't have.

I also am very contented with my ISTJ, though at times irritated. I have known for a long time that I need someone rock solid in my life to keep me from flying away. And it took me a long time to work through my dependency issues with him.

(First it took me about twenty years to figure out that they existed!)

 

[JivinJeffJones]

I know quite a few NF guys and they are almost all hooked-up with T women. Coincidence? I think not.

 

[runvardh]

I'd need an NF female who wouldn't call me cold.

 

[Lauren Ashley]

I'm not repulsed by NF males, I like to see males express emotion. Just as long as it's not all the time and I feel like I have to mother them.

 

[Mondo]

I know quite a few NF guys and they are almost all hooked-up with T women. Coincidence? I think not.

I agree with you. I tend to be more attracted to T types than F types BUT I think that F types are generally more attracted to me (including NFs)- however, Feelers tend to be more willing to be attracted to someone else than Thinkers, Thinkers aren't likely to give too many hints (especially the Introverted ones)..

 

[runvardh]

I'm not repulsed by NF males, I like to see males express emotion. Just as long as it's not all the time and I feel like I have to mother them.

I've had to father a girlfriend once - not fun.

 

[kyuuei]

Oy. I've been in too many relationships where I feel I have to put on the STJ suit as well.

I'm good at being there when needed, getting shit done, and voicing myself even though I'd rather not be rude in the first place. But if I say "Hunny, my food is wrong.." .. and they don't insist on being the one to tell the waiter . No go. OR EVEN WORSE! If I do say something and they don't back me up!

Men need to be men when the time arises. AA said it best.