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Thread: The Hamburglar!

  1. #1
    Senior Member Lookin4theBestNU's Avatar
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    Default The Hamburglar!

    We have a lunch thief at work:steam: . I had a delicious-looking chicken salad sandwich I bought at the deli in the refrigerator in the break room. I was looking forward to said sandwich my entire shift. I go on my break and low and behold my lunch sack still has the banana and wheat thins but is empty of the sandwich I craved. We have many employees so identifying who exactly is taking not just my items but other people's too is difficult. I came in yesterday and someone finished off the rest of my lunch. I have my eye on a suspect and want to catch the person. I need some ideas .

    My idea: Placing an uber-tasty Jasons Deli sandwich in the break room and putting something really disgusting into it. I need ideas on what. It will cost money but revenge would be sweet. I have thought about something that would color the mouth of my thief too but I need help. Please share if you have something better or more amusing!!
    "At points of clarity, I realize that my life on earth is meaningless, and that I am merely a pawn in a bigger game. A game I cannot possibly understand or have control of. Thankfully, before depression sets in, I drift back into my cloudy, bewildered daily routine." **Joel Patrick Warneke**

  2. #2

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    That bastard! To not only steal your lunch, but to go into your lunch bag and choose what appealed to him/her. I'd feel violated.

    My father told me about a thief at work helped himself to the creamer dad stored for his coffee. One day, tired of always finding a wee dribble of cream remaining in the carton, dad stuck a Post-it note on the carton that read, "I spit in this."

    The next morning, when he opened the refrigerator, he saw an addendum to his note that read, "I did, too."

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lookin4theBestNU View Post
    My idea: Placing an uber-tasty Jasons Deli sandwich in the break room and putting something really disgusting into it.
    I am not sure about coloring the thief's mouth, but you could break a pen and empty the ink into the middle of the sandwich. I'd think that would be pretty hard to get out, thus easy to identify.

    A very think layer of wasabi or horseradish?

    A thinly sliced or spread cat turd (even better if fresh from the litterbox, for that added texture)?

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    Pareo cattus Natrushka's Avatar
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    Lunch thieves are one of the highest ranking work complaints out there. Ugh. I think know if someone did that to me, revenge would be swift

    Ideally you want to put something inside the lunch, as you say, something that'll turn their mouth some colour, or turn their stomachs. A warning on the lunch would do only that, I'd want to teach them a lesson </intj>

    Perhaps place some of the hottest, spiciest chili peppers you can in the middle of a sandwich? It would certainly get the message across... blue or red food colouring in the middle of a sandwich might also work - or chili's that have been drenched in food colouring...

    A sammy made of some expired lunch meat? Deftly hidden in the middle of course.

    Chocolate cupcakes made with x-lax?

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    Dave's insanity sauce. (One of the spiciest things out there, if you stick a drop in the middle, your lunch thief probably won't notice by feel that it is there, but their mouth will be burning very badly afterwards.) Just be careful if you end up eating the sandwich yourself.

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    Scorned Woman Hot Sauce.

  7. #7
    Senior Member sdalek's Avatar
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    My SO used to work for a company which had a bad problem of truck drivers from the delivery trucks stealing people's lunches from the break room which was right beside the delivery areas. This happened several times a week until my SO accidentally hit on a solution which resolved the problem for the remainder of the time she was there.

    At the time, we owned a red-tailed boa which we fed frozen rats to. Since frozen rats were hard to find, we took any opportunity to stock up. She found some on sale at a pet-shop that was going out of business and had bought some during her lunch break. Since they were packed in freezer bags and placed in a paper bag, she put them in the bottom of the fridge, out of the way so that the regulars wouldn't find them quickly, in the hopes that they would remain undiscovered for the rest of the day until she could pick them up and bring them home.

    Needless to say, at the end of the day, when she went to collect them, the rat bag showed signs of tampering. Though she didn't say anything for while, interestingly enough, other people in the office commented that their lunches weren't being stolen anymore.

    While typically I wouldn't recommend this, due to health and aesthetic concerns, it does point out that there are ways of deterring lunch thefts.

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    Pareo cattus Natrushka's Avatar
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    My husband, he of the Spicey Food, suggested Scotch Bonnet Peppers. A full one chopped and hidden in a sammy could send someone to the hospital, says he.

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  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Natrushka View Post
    My husband, he of the Spicey Food, suggested Scotch Bonnet Peppers. A full one chopped and hidden in a sammy could send someone to the hospital, says he.
    Nah, but it would burn. They should be easier to find than some more exotic, yet spicier, peppers.

    There are companies that sell highly concentrated capsicum...


    One of the upshots of working in a company that mostly hires ex-military people and those with security clearances is that they're pretty upstanding people. We don't have a theft of lunch problem where I work, but my department does have their very own small fridge for lunches, drinks, etc.
    I 100%, N 88%, T 88%, J 75%

    Disclaimer: The above is my opinion and mine alone, it does not mean I cannot change my mind, nor does it guarantee that my comments are related to any deep-seated convictions. Take everything I say with a whole snowplow worth of salt and call me in the morning, if you can.

  10. #10
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lookin4theBestNU View Post
    We have a lunch thief at work:steam: . I had a delicious-looking chicken salad sandwich I bought at the deli in the refrigerator in the break room. I was looking forward to said sandwich my entire shift. I go on my break and low and behold my lunch sack still has the banana and wheat thins but is empty of the sandwich I craved. We have many employees so identifying who exactly is taking not just my items but other people's too is difficult. I came in yesterday and someone finished off the rest of my lunch. I have my eye on a suspect and want to catch the person. I need some ideas .

    My idea: Placing an uber-tasty Jasons Deli sandwich in the break room and putting something really disgusting into it. I need ideas on what. It will cost money but revenge would be sweet. I have thought about something that would color the mouth of my thief too but I need help. Please share if you have something better or more amusing!!
    You're so wonderful, I love it!!

    We had a thief eating people's lunches where I used to work only everyone knew who it was. It was the older woman who I think would use her age to her advantage and get over on people by putting on that "I'm a senile old woman, I don't know anything " bullshit. She would routinely go into the fridge and eat people's food. She'd say she thought it was hers, but she did it everyday. She'd also drink people's juice and water, which I think is nasty but whatever. People grumbled about it, but no one said anything.

    So do you just want to make them a little sick or send them to the hospital? I'm a really bad person, I'd put some cleaning fluids on it and let them feast.

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