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  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by oberon View Post
    That's not original! I heard that in the seventh grade!
    BURN.

  2. #32
    Mud and rain and chaos... TickTock's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by copula3 View Post
    There were 3 young scouts who were raising money for their scout group. The den leader was asking for each person to report how much money they had raised and how they had raised it. The first little boy said he had mowed yards to earn money.

    "I raised $150."

    "Great," said the den leader.

    The second young man said, "I raised $254 by selling candy."

    "Good job," said the den leader.

    "How about you, Johnny?" he asked the third little boy.

    "I raised over $10,000 selling toothpaste and toothbrushes."

    "$10,000! How did you do that?!" asked the den leader incredulously.

    "Well, first, I sat up shop on a busy street corner and gave away chips and dip."

    "How can you make money giving away chips and dip?"

    "Well, people would eat the chips and dip, and then they would spit it out and say, "This tastes like shit!"

    "It is shit," I'd tell them. Then I asked them if they would like to buy a toothbrush and some toothpaste.
    Good but sounds familiar to this funnier and shorter joke:

    At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote. - Emo Philips

  3. #33
    Oberon
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    Once my wife and I were getting frisky, and as she made a move on me she said "Oh look what I've found! A pen!s!"

    To which I replied "Well, it may look like a pen!s... but does it pass the taste test?!?"

  4. #34
    almost half a doctor phoenix13's Avatar
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    My buddy's dad is the cheesiest man alive. Some of his original jokes:

    Are you going to puppet school? I hear you have to pull a few strings to get in.

    (note: the Stanford mascot is a Tree). You're going to a Stanford game? Well, I guess you have to worry about the fans leaving...

    My buddy was carrying her laundary down the stairs one day, and her dad said, "Look, it's Santa Clothes!"

  5. #35
    señor member colmena's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phoenix13 View Post
    My buddy was carrying her laundary down the stairs one day, and her dad said, "Look, it's Santa Clothes!"
    LOL.
    That's bad enough to be funny.
    http://badges.mypersonality.info/badge/0/6/68764.png
    Ti Ne Fi Ni

    -How beautiful, this pale Endymion hour.
    -What are you talking about?
    -Endymion, my dear. A beautiful youth possessed by the moon.
    -Well, forget about him and get to bed.
    -Yes, my dear.

  6. #36
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    One day a young lawyer and his wife were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the young lady parted her legs the bee entered her vagina. The woman started screaming "Oh my god, help me, there's a bee in my vagina!" The lawyer immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation.

    The doctor thought for a moment and said "Hmm, tricky situation. But I have a solution to the problem if young sir would permit." The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use whatever method to get the bee out of his wife's vagina. The doctor said "OK, what I'm gonna do is rub some honey over the top of my penis and insert it into your wife's vagina. When I feel the bee getting closer to the tip of my penis I shall withdraw it and the bee should hopefully follow my penis out of your wife's vagina. The husband nodded and gave his approval. The young lady said "Yes, Yes, whatever, just get on with it."

    So the doctor, after covering the tip of his penis with honey, inserted it into the young lady's vagina. After a few gentle strokes, the doctor said, "I don't think the bee has noticed the honey yet. Perhaps I should go a bit deeper." So the doctor went deeper and deeper. After a while the doctor began shafting the young lady very hard indeed.

    The young lady began to quiver with excitement. She began to moan and groan aloud. The doctor, concentrating very hard, looked like he was enjoying himself, he then put his hands on the young lady's breasts and started making loud noises. The lawyer at this point suddenly became very annoyed and shouted, "Now wait a minute! What the Hell do you think you're doing?" The doctor, still concentrating, replied, "Change of plan. I'm gonna drown the bastard!"

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