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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by phoenix13 View Post
    Haha, that's pretty good (although the furniture one stumped me)! You consistently make me laugh on this forum, so I'm pretty sure you'd rock.
    Thanks! The furniture joke is a bastardization of Nietsche's "When you look into the Abyss, the abyss also looks into you." I doubt I'd use that unless I could fit it into the perfect context. You can be sure I would hone endlessly before I ever set foot on stage, purely out of fear.

  2. #22
    señor member colmena's Avatar
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    I didn't get/find those funny, Jack.

    'though I do think it would be a waste for you not to do stand up. Even your good timing comes across in your posts.
    http://badges.mypersonality.info/badge/0/6/68764.png
    Ti Ne Fi Ni

    -How beautiful, this pale Endymion hour.
    -What are you talking about?
    -Endymion, my dear. A beautiful youth possessed by the moon.
    -Well, forget about him and get to bed.
    -Yes, my dear.

  3. #23
    Mud and rain and chaos... TickTock's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jack Flak View Post
    Well I was on a lot of drugs in the early 80s, like everyone else. Kool-Aid, M&Ms, baby food...
    this ones good.

  4. #24
    Senior Member Flush's Avatar
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    - What did you think of the Niels Bohr documentary?
    - Bohring!

    (verbalized that in class, they didn't enjoy it...)
    01001001010011100100011001010000

  5. #25
    almost half a doctor phoenix13's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by colmena View Post
    I didn't get/find those funny, Jack.

    'though I do think it would be a waste for you not to do stand up. Even your good timing comes across in your posts.
    Absolutely.

    Quote Originally Posted by Flush View Post
    - What did you think of the Niels Bohr documentary?
    - Bohring!

    (verbalized that in class, they didn't enjoy it...)
    Now that's my kind of joke! I have the cheesiest sense of humor...

  6. #26

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    People don't discriminate based on color of skin.

    I have dark-skin. When I wear a cap, I can be mistaken for African American. But when I take of the cap, people can see I'm Indian. When I grow a beard, people have remarked that I look like an Arab terrorist. I like soccer, and speak a bit of Spanish--though it's hard, I can pass for Mexican. I have a couple of darker skined Philippino friends--if I hang out with them, people think I'm Asian.

    My experience show that people don't discriminate based on color of skin.

    They are actually racist.

    Accept the past. Live for the present. Look forward to the future.
    Robot Fusion
    "As our island of knowledge grows, so does the shore of our ignorance." John Wheeler
    "[A] scientist looking at nonscientific problems is just as dumb as the next guy." Richard Feynman
    "[P]etabytes of [] data is not the same thing as understanding emergent mechanisms and structures." Jim Crutchfield

  7. #27
    Oberon
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    I was clearing the supper dishes last night with my kids, and I started singing that ubiquitous Kid Rock song that contains the line "...drinkin' whiskey out'the bottle, not thinkin' 'bout tomorrow..." but to make it rhyme precisely I sang "...tomottle." Then I said "Tomottle? What's tomottle?"

    And my twelve-year-old son replied "Nuthin'! What's tomottle with you?"

    And somewhere, off in the cosmic distance, there was a rim shot.

  8. #28
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    There were 3 young scouts who were raising money for their scout group. The den leader was asking for each person to report how much money they had raised and how they had raised it. The first little boy said he had mowed yards to earn money.

    "I raised $150."

    "Great," said the den leader.

    The second young man said, "I raised $254 by selling candy."

    "Good job," said the den leader.

    "How about you, Johnny?" he asked the third little boy.

    "I raised over $10,000 selling toothpaste and toothbrushes."

    "$10,000! How did you do that?!" asked the den leader incredulously.

    "Well, first, I sat up shop on a busy street corner and gave away chips and dip."

    "How can you make money giving away chips and dip?"

    "Well, people would eat the chips and dip, and then they would spit it out and say, "This tastes like shit!"

    "It is shit," I'd tell them. Then I asked them if they would like to buy a toothbrush and some toothpaste.

  9. #29
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    That's pretty funny.

  10. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by copula3 View Post
    There were 3 young scouts who were raising money for their scout group. The den leader was asking for each person to report how much money they had raised and how they had raised it. The first little boy said he had mowed yards to earn money.

    "I raised $150."

    "Great," said the den leader.

    The second young man said, "I raised $254 by selling candy."

    "Good job," said the den leader.

    "How about you, Johnny?" he asked the third little boy.

    "I raised over $10,000 selling toothpaste and toothbrushes."

    "$10,000! How did you do that?!" asked the den leader incredulously.

    "Well, first, I sat up shop on a busy street corner and gave away chips and dip."

    "How can you make money giving away chips and dip?"

    "Well, people would eat the chips and dip, and then they would spit it out and say, "This tastes like shit!"

    "It is shit," I'd tell them. Then I asked them if they would like to buy a toothbrush and some toothpaste.
    That's not original! I heard that in the seventh grade!

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