User Tag List

First 456

Results 51 to 60 of 60

  1. #51

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    yeah it justs proves my point that people are liars. people are like oh I love weird shit then when you present them with the weird shit they get uncomfortable. so really it doesn't matter. because people just say stuff, and most of the time it's bs they just want to look pretty. so nothing to talk about.
    People aren't really liars. They just don't care. They don't care about the need or desire to be authentic or whatever. It kind of sucks in a way, but you need to present something attractive to attract. And maybe if you're lucky, you will find one or two people to be authentic with.

  2. #52
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    MBTI
    yupp
    Posts
    29,776

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by wolfy View Post
    People aren't really liars. They just don't care. They don't care about the need or desire to be authentic or whatever. It kind of sucks in a way, but you need to present something attractive to attract. And maybe if you're lucky, you will find one or two people to be authentic with.
    no it's more than not caring their reaction. and I'm not telling them personal stuff either.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  3. #53
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    5w6 sp/sx
    Posts
    17,538

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    Well, here's the thing - who will be the first person to talk "real"? I have watched a lot of people in my day and listened to many make this same grievance. Yet I do not observe them "getting real" in conversation either. I do not see them taking any risks and being any more themselves than the people they complain about.

    So, idk - is real conversation truly a preference? .
    It is for me, but on most of the occasions when I have tried to take smalltalk real, I have received reactions similar to those described by @prplchknz, or @OrangeAppled's "be weirded out & leave you alone" option. I have found it best just to keep my ears open and listen for someone talking real talk. I can force it if unavoidable, but I find I don't have much to say to most people I encounter in purely social situations. That's just the way it is.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  4. #54
    Unapologetic being Evolving Transparency's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    1w9 sp/sx
    Socionics
    ESI Fi
    Posts
    3,182

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    Enjoy? I think I'd prefer a trip to the dentist. Except that those pesky hygienists all seem to expect small talk, and while they have sharp objects in your mouth, to boot.
    Holy crap. I agree. The funny thing is that I just started to request to not see the hygienist that my dentist office keeps assigning me. And it's for this very reason. It immediately got me extremely anxious when I had her prep me before the dentist came in. Her persistent small talk and scratchy voice, mixed with the feeling that I was being pulled out of my head and more into my body from the Novocaine was so unpleasant. I told them never to put me with her again. She gives me dirty looks now when I go there. I don't care. As long as I don't have to hear her.

    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    I love bus conversations.
    I don't think I ever considered them to even be an option.

    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    I try I fucking try but when I say what's on my mind I get looks at like i'm a moron or crazy. like the other day I was walking and I was cursing to myself because my shoes were making my feet bleed and this guy gave me a look like i was completely insane. I want to talk about things and I try and people laugh shut me down or just ignore me.
    Yea this is what happens.

    I don't go into small talk mode unless I really know the person very well. Cause I know eventually the convo will develop. Which I'm fine with.

    With strangers or people I haven't seen in years...I just be me. And I don't really care what they think. I mean, I'll be polite. But if I'm conversing with someone over flowers, for example, it will eventually lead into a deeper conversation. I can't help but make conversations mean more. Otherwise I stop engaging. (I guess I don't care about being a dick, cause I'm a polite dick.)
    "Once the game is over, the Pawn and the King go back into the same box"

    Freedom isn't free.
    "Freedom is the right to tell people what they do not want to hear." ~ Orwell
    I'm that person that embodies pretty much everything that you hate. Might as well get used to it.
    Unapologetically bonding in an uninhibited, propelled manner
    10w12

  5. #55
    Wake, See, Sing, Dance Cellmold's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Posts
    5,806

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    Well, here's the thing - who will be the first person to talk "real"? I have watched a lot of people in my day and listened to many make this same grievance. Yet I do not observe them "getting real" in conversation either. I do not see them taking any risks and being any more themselves than the people they complain about.

    So, idk - is real conversation truly a preference? .
    Conversely, what is or isn't small talk? It's more a matter of topics of interest than whether or not those conversations are of a grander scope or not.

    I use the term out of convenience rather than accuracy. The point being that it's about arrogance and assuming what you want to talk about is somehow of more importance and depth.

    I don't know about real. What do you mean by that? Anything that's closer to a persons true thoughts and moods? Deep philosophical discussions? Airing out personal issues?
    I think everyone talks small, merely that the small of their talk isn't the small of someone else's. Like i said plenty of people would probably find me boring.

    As for taking the risks I regularly do with mixed results, besides which some people just don't want to think about something I might want to talk about hence walking away. Generally I'm waiting for a point to springboard off, I'm a narcissistic and selfish conservationist though as I tend to ramble about what I'm interested in and ignore what the others have to say.

    But that developed because of growing up in a heavily regulated social atmosphere of do's and dont's.
    'One of (Lucas) Cranach's masterpieces, discussed by (Joseph) Koerner, is in it's self-referentiality the perfect expression of left-hemisphere emptiness and a precursor of post-modernism. There is no longer anything to point to beyond, nothing Other, so it points pointlessly to itself.' - Iain McGilChrist

    Suppose a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?"
    "Suppose it didn't," said Pooh, after careful thought.
    Piglet was comforted by this.
    - A.A. Milne.

  6. #56
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    937 so/sx
    Posts
    6,226

    Default

    Here's the thing that strikes me in reading these recent replies: most folks are focussed on themselves and how they feel about small talk rather than on the other person and the kind of pleasure it can bring another person. I'm not saying this is selfish, it's quite natural, but as a recipient of small talk, is it possible to see this as a gift to you to ease tension or further conversation instead of some sort of burden? Someone who makes small talk with you is attempting to make a connection with you. It is true that this person may not mesh with you, 9 times out of 10 it might not, but that singular time it does, it can be so wonderful!

    I can empathize with the comments about getting odd looks and the like. It happens to me too, and I've been in awkward situations aplenty. When I was in my early twenties, I had to write out little conversations on a piece of paper to practice them. Like making a hair appointment, or what to say to a hairdresser while you are pinned in the chair for half an hour. I decided I wanted to get good at it and started off by focussing on the other person instead of my own inner fears, even though they were still there and are even still. Many people are not conversationally divergent, nor are the associations other people's words trigger in my mind generally simple or straightforward to talk about, yet still, in discovering this together, we discover what we two people make in combination with each other. I have friends that I talk about certain topics with and not others. Without some verbal exploration, how else would one discover this? How else to discover how special many other people are?

    Waiting for someone else to take more risk does turn towards selfishness, though. And if you are genuine and it's only returned with odd looks, you know not to cast your pearls in that direction next time. These are simply data points through which you chart a future course with the people you interact with either occasionally or regularly. Without risk, there is less possibility of reward.

    Maybe this will help - imagine that most people are inherently all thinking the same kinds of things inside as you are. They too wish to avoid unpleasantness yet ease the awkward spaces and find small talk rather banal at times. Small talk is like a friendly game of tennis - when someone has made the effort to send the ball your way, is it such a chore to lob the ball back for a few minutes at least? Are you so special as to be above this? If you think about playing together, about it collaboratively, does it help? Does it help to see yourself as an active participant rather than an unwilling recipient, standing there with a racquet in your hand, doing nothing?
    "Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one."
    Eleanor Roosevelt


    "When people see some things as beautiful,
    other things become ugly.
    When people see some things as good,
    other things become bad."
    Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

  7. #57
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    MBTI
    yupp
    Posts
    29,776

    Default

    I sometimes try to initiate I'm just sometimes bad at words and it usually back fires
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  8. #58

    Default

    In my experience, there's no airtight way to avoid all of the undesired social interactions that inevitably come at you in life without incurring some measure of social consequences, such as negative assumptions about your character or hostile reactions.

    You can either compromise at whatever level you are willing and able, or accept the consequences of not navigating social waters.

    It can be a real drag either way.
    "The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things." - Rainer Maria Rilke

  9. #59
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    5w6 sp/sx
    Posts
    17,538

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    Here's the thing that strikes me in reading these recent replies: most folks are focussed on themselves and how they feel about small talk rather than on the other person and the kind of pleasure it can bring another person. I'm not saying this is selfish, it's quite natural, but as a recipient of small talk, is it possible to see this as a gift to you to ease tension or further conversation instead of some sort of burden? Someone who makes small talk with you is attempting to make a connection with you. It is true that this person may not mesh with you, 9 times out of 10 it might not, but that singular time it does, it can be so wonderful!

    I can empathize with the comments about getting odd looks and the like. It happens to me too, and I've been in awkward situations aplenty. When I was in my early twenties, I had to write out little conversations on a piece of paper to practice them. Like making a hair appointment, or what to say to a hairdresser while you are pinned in the chair for half an hour. I decided I wanted to get good at it and started off by focussing on the other person instead of my own inner fears, even though they were still there and are even still. Many people are not conversationally divergent, nor are the associations other people's words trigger in my mind generally simple or straightforward to talk about, yet still, in discovering this together, we discover what we two people make in combination with each other. I have friends that I talk about certain topics with and not others. Without some verbal exploration, how else would one discover this? How else to discover how special many other people are?

    Waiting for someone else to take more risk does turn towards selfishness, though. And if you are genuine and it's only returned with odd looks, you know not to cast your pearls in that direction next time. These are simply data points through which you chart a future course with the people you interact with either occasionally or regularly. Without risk, there is less possibility of reward.

    Maybe this will help - imagine that most people are inherently all thinking the same kinds of things inside as you are. They too wish to avoid unpleasantness yet ease the awkward spaces and find small talk rather banal at times. Small talk is like a friendly game of tennis - when someone has made the effort to send the ball your way, is it such a chore to lob the ball back for a few minutes at least? Are you so special as to be above this? If you think about playing together, about it collaboratively, does it help? Does it help to see yourself as an active participant rather than an unwilling recipient, standing there with a racquet in your hand, doing nothing?
    But I find that most people are not thinking the same kinds of things inside as I am. Moreover, attempting to connect with strangers conversationally is much less a risk, with much greater prospect of reward, for someone who is good at it and enjoys it. Another case of different strokes for different folks.

    Perhaps my motivations are selfish, but not in the big picture. Sure, I don't want to put the effort out for smalltalk with everyone who comes my way; they might not enjoy talking with me that much anyway (see? perhaps I am just sparing them the unpleasantness). But you would be surprised how much I would do even for a stranger if I saw I was in a position to help. I feel no guilt in expecting them to forego a personal connection. I will give them other "gifts" if appropriate.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  10. #60
    Senior Member Rambling's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    5w6 sx/sp
    Socionics
    ILI Ni
    Posts
    401

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    Here's the thing that strikes me in reading these recent replies: most folks are focussed on themselves and how they feel about small talk rather than on the other person and the kind of pleasure it can bring another person. I'm not saying this is selfish, it's quite natural, but as a recipient of small talk, is it possible to see this as a gift to you to ease tension or further conversation instead of some sort of burden? Someone who makes small talk with you is attempting to make a connection with you. It is true that this person may not mesh with you, 9 times out of 10 it might not, but that singular time it does, it can be so wonderful!

    I can empathize with the comments about getting odd looks and the like. It happens to me too, and I've been in awkward situations aplenty. When I was in my early twenties, I had to write out little conversations on a piece of paper to practice them. Like making a hair appointment, or what to say to a hairdresser while you are pinned in the chair for half an hour. I decided I wanted to get good at it and started off by focussing on the other person instead of my own inner fears, even though they were still there and are even still. Many people are not conversationally divergent, nor are the associations other people's words trigger in my mind generally simple or straightforward to talk about, yet still, in discovering this together, we discover what we two people make in combination with each other. I have friends that I talk about certain topics with and not others. Without some verbal exploration, how else would one discover this? How else to discover how special many other people are?

    Waiting for someone else to take more risk does turn towards selfishness, though. And if you are genuine and it's only returned with odd looks, you know not to cast your pearls in that direction next time. These are simply data points through which you chart a future course with the people you interact with either occasionally or regularly. Without risk, there is less possibility of reward.

    Maybe this will help - imagine that most people are inherently all thinking the same kinds of things inside as you are. They too wish to avoid unpleasantness yet ease the awkward spaces and find small talk rather banal at times. Small talk is like a friendly game of tennis - when someone has made the effort to send the ball your way, is it such a chore to lob the ball back for a few minutes at least? Are you so special as to be above this? If you think about playing together, about it collaboratively, does it help? Does it help to see yourself as an active participant rather than an unwilling recipient, standing there with a racquet in your hand, doing nothing?
    Yes, I agree with you...data points for future interactions and for a mental picture of that person. No talk is small if you're interested in the other person, and having a mental checklist of Person A: ask about baby, Person B: ask about gardening, Person C: discuss wife's health...etc can hugely please the other people for little mental output.

Similar Threads

  1. [INTJ] INTJ Women - How to get to them?
    By Sphare in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 81
    Last Post: 01-13-2010, 05:23 PM
  2. [MBTItm] ESFP/ENFP - how to get the ESFP off the ENFP?
    By Twixt in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 35
    Last Post: 08-04-2009, 06:37 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO