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  1. #11
    Senior Member Forever_Jung's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    it doesn't always work, I've tried sometimes it does. especially not with southern church ladies
    Yeah, I've really crashed and burned with certain people.Even so, I find that more fun than trying to dodge them or trying to meet them on their level/ In the end, they don't think I'm a dick, merely annoying and incomprehensible. I'm sorry you have to deal with such people.

  2. #12
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Forever_Jung View Post
    Yeah, I've really crashed and burned with certain people.Even so, I find that more fun than trying to dodge them or trying to meet them on their level/ In the end, they don't think I'm a dick, merely annoying and incomprehensible. I'm sorry you have to deal with such people.
    not in years, but you never know. I need to be prepared.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  3. #13
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    I tend to "buddy up" with a close person at events like that... lets me actually enjoy it. Otherwise I park myself in a comfy seat in a corner with food and drink, and watch the sociable people migrate around, and talk to people as they come up. I don't have much of a problem with a little friendly small talk, though. I just always end up talking about life aspirations with people because apparently I seem to direct conversation there.

  4. #14
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    The key is to try and find out information early in the conversation that you can build on to create a connection with the person. I am a musician so that creates a lot to talk about as pretty much everybody at least likes some kind of music. After finding that out I can try and bring in some of my own knowledge and experiences and quickly the conversation will start flowing naturally and getting more personal.

    And if it doesn't - their loss.

    What's important is finding out stuff to build a conversation on, and "small talk" exists because there are certain subjects that are safe.

    The other person's facial expressions and willingness to volunteer info are good indications as well. Some people you just won't click with for one reason or other and should will feel obvious - in which case you can exit politely when there's a pause.

  5. #15
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
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    Those who don't like small talk often don't understand the emotional and social purposes of small talk.

    Small talk enables us to safely guage the emotional state of others, and enables others to safely guage our present emotional state.

    Often those who don't like small talk dismiss the emotional states of others, and are deaf to their own emotional states and dismiss them.

    The social purposes of small talk are myriad. First small talk creates a mutual safe social space, and from there we can guage our position in the social space, by age, by status, by economics, by education, by health, by belief, and by psychoclass.

    Small talk is an invaluable social skill and those who don't like it, demean it, and by demeaning small talk, demean us all.

  6. #16
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    There's this fake call feature that you can take advantage of. I've never actually used it, but it might come in handy one of these days.
    4w5 sp/sx EII

  7. #17
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 21% View Post
    There's this fake call feature that you can take advantage of. I've never actually used it, but it might come in handy one of these days.
    is it on the android or iphone?
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  8. #18
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    is it on the android or iphone?
    I think there are apps for both. I think one of my friends has a phone that has this feature built-in and you can set it on a timer but I'm not sure what phone that is.
    4w5 sp/sx EII

  9. #19
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Small talk in church situations can usually flow readily by remarking on aspects of the service that you just attended. Pay attention to the service to give you a couple of things primed and ready in your mind. Focussing on those concrete details, you give the person you're talking to something to work with and since most people enjoy talking about themselves, gives a jumping-off place for that to start and fill the space and then you will just need to look attentive for a bit.

    So, a baptism. Aside from the obvious smile and approach, you can start with, "Wasn't the service lovely!" or "The baby didn't cry at all!" or "I enjoyed the music - what was that hymn they played when the family came to the front?"

    Once the chit-chat peters a bit, it is perfectly acceptable to excuse yourself to get a cup of tea, talk to someone else who you "should" talk to, or go back and help a family member with something. "Oh, excuse me, I should go help my Mom for a sec - it was nice to talk to you!" Smile and exit! Or set something up ahead of time where your Mom comes and extracts you socially after a few minutes - a church rescue! You'll sort it out.

    Like all things, it takes some practice to feel smooth and comfy with, and even then, it can sometimes just seem like social lubrication that's surface and "fake". However, by participating, you can often gain many additional fringe benefits to the interaction so I've observed such exchanges are worth the effort.

    Good luck and enjoy!
    "Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one."
    Eleanor Roosevelt


    "When people see some things as beautiful,
    other things become ugly.
    When people see some things as good,
    other things become bad."
    Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

  10. #20
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    Small talk in church situations can usually flow readily by remarking on aspects of the service that you just attended. Pay attention to the service to give you a couple of things primed and ready in your mind. Focussing on those concrete details, you give the person you're talking something to work with and since most people enjoy talking about themselves, gives a jumping-off place for that to start and fill the space and then you will just need to look attentive for a bit.

    So, a baptism. Aside from the obvious smile and approach, you can start with, "Wasn't the service lovely!" or "The baby didn't cry at all!" or "I enjoyed the music - what was that hymn they played when the family came to the front?"

    Once the chit-chat peters a bit, it is perfectly acceptable to excuse yourself to get a cup of tea, talk to someone else who you "should" talk to, or go back and help a family member with something. "Oh, excuse me, I should go help my Mom for a sec - it was nice to talk to you!" Smile and exit! Or set something up ahead of time where your Mom comes and extracts you socially after a few minutes - a church rescue! You'll sort it out.

    Like all things, it takes some practice to feel smooth and comfy with, and even then, it can sometimes just seem like social lubrication that's just surface and "fake". However, by participating, you can often gain many additional fringe benefits to the interaction so I've observed such exchanges are worth the effort.

    Good luck and enjoy!
    not orthodox. the services are basically the same.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

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