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Thread: The groan worthy joke thread

  1. #191
    Happy Dancer Array uumlau's Avatar
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    An argument is two people sharing their ignorance.

    A discussion is two people sharing their understanding, even when they disagree.

  2. #192
    Senior Member Array Eskimo2's Avatar
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    I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

    Before criticizing someone, walk a mile in their shoes; then if they complain, you’re a mile away and have their shoes.

    To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
    Likes meme duchess, Masokissed liked this post

  3. #193
    mom I'm going out Array Masokissed's Avatar
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    Oh God, I need to hit this thread up later. Give it a real punt.
    So dust off your fuck me pumps

  4. #194
    Temporal Mechanic. Array Lexicon's Avatar
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    Billboard outside local mechanic always has bad puns:

    Front:

    IF YOU HAVE A BLADDER INFECTION
    URINE TROUBLE


    Back:

    I TRIED TO CATCH SOME FOG
    BUT I MIST




    My favorite was a few months ago; a rare non-pun:

    CEREAL IS THE SWEATPANTS OF FOOD.
    03/23 06:06:58 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:06:59 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:21:34 Nancynobullets: LEXXX *sacrifices a first born*
    03/23 06:21:53 Nancynobullets: We summon yooouuu
    03/23 06:29:07 Lexicon: I was sleeping!



    04/25 04:20:35 Patches: Don't listen to lex. She wants to birth a litter of kittens. She doesnt get to decide whats creepy

    02/16 23:49:38 ygolo: Lex is afk
    02/16 23:49:45 Cimarron: she's doing drugs with Jack

    03/05 19:27:41 Time: You can't make chat morbid. Lex does it naturally.
    Likes Masokissed, SD45T-2, EJCC liked this post

  5. #195
    mom I'm going out Array Masokissed's Avatar
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    bae: ily
    me: i love u so much that i'm not going to give birth for you. im gonna give my heart for u instead. like legit
    me: *clears dining table at restaurant and lies down with spreaded legs* *looking directly at waitress*
    me: gonna donate an organ today
    waitress: ....
    waitress: please leave
    heart, on its way out: i'll have the red wine
    waitress: *cuts umbloodical cord with the menu and adds it to it*
    waitress: you can stay
    bae: you have no bae wake up
    waitress: stay forever *slowly starts morphing into satan starting with her already red hair*

    this all happened in the hospital during a coma i sadly did not wake from, my bae in tears griping onto me
    the moral of the story is to never trust a redhead
    hell is pretty chill tho
    So dust off your fuck me pumps
    Likes meme duchess liked this post

  6. #196
    Senior Member Array prplchknz's Avatar
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    Perfectly robust chickens
    Run laps a lot
    Pee on the garden
    Leap over fences
    Cock is a word for rooster
    Hen is a type of chicken?
    Kit kats are good
    Nice chickens don't belong in the
    Zoo
    ~@magpie
    Likes uumlau, Masokissed, Frosty liked this post

  7. #197
    Senior Member Array captain curmudgeon's Avatar
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    A disabled man robbed me the other day. I yelled 'YOU CAN HIDE, BUT YOU CAN'T RUN!'
    Jarlaxle: fact checking this thread makes me want to go all INFP on my wrists

    "I'm in competition with myself and I'm losing."
    -Roger Waters

    ReadingRainbows: OMG GUYS
    ReadingRainbows: GUESS WHAT EXISTS FOR ME
    hel: fairies?
    Captain Curmudgeon: existential angst?


    Johari Nohari

    https://www.librarything.com/profile/wheelchairdoug
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  8. #198
    Happy Dancer Array uumlau's Avatar
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    An argument is two people sharing their ignorance.

    A discussion is two people sharing their understanding, even when they disagree.
    Likes prplchknz liked this post

  9. #199
    came back haunted Array EJCC's Avatar
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    This thread:

    Quote Originally Posted by Nørrsken impersonating EJCC
    It's strange. I keep banning morons, but they keep signing up? What is this?
    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!
    Likes uumlau, Such Irony liked this post

  10. #200
    Entertaining Cracker Array five sounds's Avatar
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    Why are sports stadiums always hot after a big game?



    What do you call a bunny with fleas?

    You hem me in -- behind and before;
    you have laid your hand upon me.
    Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.


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