Thread: The groan worthy joke thread
06-29-2015, 07:25 PM #191
06-29-2015, 09:23 PM #192
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Before criticizing someone, walk a mile in their shoes; then if they complain, you’re a mile away and have their shoes.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
07-25-2015, 12:47 AM #193
Oh God, I need to hit this thread up later. Give it a real punt.So dust off your fuck me pumps
07-25-2015, 01:34 AM #194
Billboard outside local mechanic always has bad puns:
IF YOU HAVE A BLADDER INFECTION
I TRIED TO CATCH SOME FOG
BUT I MIST
My favorite was a few months ago; a rare non-pun:
CEREAL IS THE SWEATPANTS OF FOOD.
03/23 06:06:58 EcK: lex
03/23 06:06:59 EcK: lex
03/23 06:21:34 Nancynobullets: LEXXX *sacrifices a first born*
03/23 06:21:53 Nancynobullets: We summon yooouuu
03/23 06:29:07 Lexicon: I was sleeping!
04/25 04:20:35 Patches: Don't listen to lex. She wants to birth a litter of kittens. She doesnt get to decide whats creepy
02/16 23:49:38 ygolo: Lex is afk
02/16 23:49:45 Cimarron: she's doing drugs with Jack
03/05 19:27:41 Time: You can't make chat morbid. Lex does it naturally.
07-25-2015, 01:49 AM #195
me: i love u so much that i'm not going to give birth for you. im gonna give my heart for u instead. like legit
me: *clears dining table at restaurant and lies down with spreaded legs* *looking directly at waitress*
me: gonna donate an organ today
waitress: please leave
heart, on its way out: i'll have the red wine
waitress: *cuts umbloodical cord with the menu and adds it to it*
waitress: you can stay
bae: you have no bae wake up
waitress: stay forever *slowly starts morphing into satan starting with her already red hair*
this all happened in the hospital during a coma i sadly did not wake from, my bae in tears griping onto me
the moral of the story is to never trust a redhead
hell is pretty chill thoSo dust off your fuck me pumps
07-27-2015, 09:39 PM #196
07-27-2015, 10:03 PM #197
A disabled man robbed me the other day. I yelled 'YOU CAN HIDE, BUT YOU CAN'T RUN!'Jarlaxle: fact checking this thread makes me want to go all INFP on my wrists
"I'm in competition with myself and I'm losing."
ReadingRainbows: OMG GUYS
ReadingRainbows: GUESS WHAT EXISTS FOR ME
Captain Curmudgeon: existential angst?
07-29-2015, 05:36 PM #198
Some of these are repeats, but most aren't:
20 Rick Grimes Dad Jokes That Are So Bad That They're Good | DiplyAn argument is two people sharing their ignorance.
A discussion is two people sharing their understanding, even when they disagree.
07-30-2015, 12:38 PM #199
07-30-2015, 12:42 PM #200
Why are sports stadiums always hot after a big game?
What do you call a bunny with fleas?
You hem me in -- behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
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