@Nihilogen I'll save up a few grand, track down Robert Matthew Van Winkle in whatever gutter he is in, and pay him to stab you with an icicle. The final words you will ever hear will be, "Ice Ice Baby"
(I'm about to win creativity, nothing personal to whoever gets this)
I will lock several murderous, clinically insane patients in a room where the walls are covered with pictures of your face. Stravinsky's Rite of Spring will be playing non-stop for approximately ten months or until the point where the criminally insane have associated your face with the music itself, and I will then treat them with something utterly miraculous to where they can function in society normally. That way, if they ever see you in public, as soon as they see your face, they will remember the association to Rite of Spring and will act sort of like sleeper-cell agents that will ultimately try and kill you to make the bad memories stop rushing back to their head. I'm playing the long-term.
buys you an enchanted cow, tells you will eat for a life time, and then locks in a cave, puts neurotoxins in the water that is intesified by beef, you are slowly killed by the neurotoxins and malnutrition