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  1. #141
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    Ah. It would be nice if she would have focused on your self-image concerns, instead of trying to shame you out of desiring plastic surgery.



    I can't help but to think we were in similar boats.

    I remember when I was in high school I used to think the same thing. Literally. I can thank family and a couple of key experiences for this, but that's another story. Every time I saw a girl laughing I just KNEW they were laughing at me. The pointing. The stares. Comments on my nose (we share big noses) or ears.

    The thing is, I look at pictures of me in high school, and I was actually perfectly normal looking, perhaps even good looking to the women who liked a 6'2", black haired, blue eyed, large nosed, kinda big eared, fairly athletic soccer goalie build. But I had (and still likely have) body dismporphia. In my eyes, I was a hideous monster. Every day that I dealed with people the evidence of my hideousness just mounted higher and higher. I considered myself so ugly that I noticed every time a girl thought I was weird looking (thanks to el nose-o and los ears-o), and even likely misinterpreted occasional interest for dismissal. Meanwhile, any potential positive sign was either filtered out, down played, or I simply assumed the other person didn't have good taste or felt pity upon me.

    Now... I won't insult your intelligence by saying that you aren't a 1.5/10 when I've never met or seen you. However, please take a moment and check out the video below:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iAuc2xAM7-8
    okay lunar you need to watch this. ^^

    it's so sad but it's probably what's happening here. tell your parents.

    and this one
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gFOjTrbygv8

  2. #142
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by greenfairy View Post
    I can't say for sure since I don't know what you look like and I don't know your circumstances, but here is what I estimate your problem breaks down to:
    70% your state of mind
    20% your lifestyle
    5% how you present yourself
    4% your actual features
    1% other factors, like maybe you live in a place full of ignorant jerks.

    This means that only 5% of your situation is due to circumstances outside of your control. Why would you focus on that, when you can change 95% of it?

    Edit: Make that a slightly larger percentage to where you live.
    I think you're underestimating the extent of the ignorant jerkiness factor and the effect that can have on a impressionable mind. Yes, it's a super-impressionable mind, to be sure, but in a world where there are people who actually say something this dumb :
    Quote Originally Posted by Rasofy View Post
    Fwiw, if people are making fun of you because you are ugly, that means you aren't ugly to the point that men feel pity for you. So 1.5 is probably way off.

    Guys wouldn't even notice your ass if that was the case.
    ...to be helpful, you can't just say it's all (or even mostly) in her head.

    This thread seems to be full of people assuming she's crazy, instead of realizing that she's fairly typical of most young girls, for whom body image is an all-consuming fixation. This girl is the inevitable result of so much that is wrong with society. It's not her that needs fixing, IMO.

  3. #143
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    I'm not sure if the parents will help or not, especially if they were part of the problem.

    A school counselor might help if the parents fall short.

  4. #144
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    it's freakin child abuse if they don't. :/

    how could you not help your kids if they were hurting like that.

    i think i would have to figure out how to either move or homeschool my kids and put them in therapy asap

  5. #145
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Ü™ View Post
    Wow, PerC is creepy. I just created my intro thread there.
    huh. I was wondering why the "16912 Members Without a Really Creepy Vibe" sign there reset this afternoon.

    Anyway, the reality is that no one really knows what the situation is or what the OP is working with, and yes, it's all true that society foists certain images off on the young and old as to "what they should look like" to be accepted and happy. it's hard to gauge anything in this thread. I daresay also that people in this thread (like people anywhere) respond to levels of physical beauty, even if they mean well, when it comes to making friends and spending their time with others; appearance does impact social receptiveness, even if idealistically it should not.

    I do think the desire to change one's body is more intense in cultures where there are resources available that CAN change appearance, even if they are expensive. if you're in a world where you have no recourse whatsoever, you learn to just deal with it (or make some other kind of resolution); here the resources are expensive but still reachable with a lot of effort, so then people drag themselves over broken glass to get there in hopes it will fix what they feel is wrong about themselves, like people do with any "cure."

    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    it's freakin child abuse if they don't. :/

    how could you not help your kids if they were hurting like that.
    Some people who look good to others outside the family end up being bad, insensitive parents to their own children. It happens.
    That's all I care to say about that.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  6. #146
    As Long As It Takes.... Redbone's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Salomé View Post


    ...to be helpful, you can't just say it's all (or even mostly) in her head.

    This thread seems to be full of people assuming she's crazy, instead of realizing that she's fairly typical of most young girls, for whom body image is an all-consuming fixation. This girl is the inevitable result of so much that is wrong with society. It's not her that needs fixing, IMO.
    I agree. Society places about 80% of a female's worth on her looks and the remaining 20% on what she can do for others. It's dehumanizing to be reduced down to a set a functions.

    But what can she do now? Can't wait around for society to change in order to feel better. What are some things she can do now to lessen the impact of this kind of thing?

  7. #147
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post



    Some people who look good to others outside the family end up being bad, insensitive parents to their own children. It happens.
    That's all I care to say about that.
    yeah...i know it's not my place to talk about but damn it pisses me off.

  8. #148
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Salomé View Post
    This thread seems to be full of people assuming she's crazy, instead of realizing that she's fairly typical of most young girls, for whom body image is an all-consuming fixation. This girl is the inevitable result of so much that is wrong with society. It's not her that needs fixing, IMO.
    No, she's not typical of most young girls. She's tracking a trail across the internet with the belief she is ugly. Are you equating a recommendation of therapy with people thinking she is crazy here? I don't see it that way ...

    I agree with your thoughts on potential cause, but until society gets 'fixed', there's no other option but for her to work on herself to be able to overcome this programming.
    "Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one."
    Eleanor Roosevelt


    "When people see some things as beautiful,
    other things become ugly.
    When people see some things as good,
    other things become bad."
    Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

  9. #149
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Redbone View Post
    I agree. Society places about 80% of a female's worth on her looks and the remaining 20% on what she can do for others. It's dehumanizing to be reduced down to a set a functions.

    But what can she do now? Can't wait around for society to change in order to feel better. What are some things she can do now to lessen the impact of this kind of thing?
    She can nut up? I sure as hell know the answer isn't "post your pic so we can tell you you're not ugly". This completely misses the point. Maybe she is ugly. I don't care, do you? She needs to learn to get her self-esteem from other things and she wont do that by having her obsession indulged by "well-meaning" strangers rating her out of 10. Challenge the status quo, don't perpetuate it. Fight back. Cultivate qualities decent people will respect and admire. The world is full of ugly people who manage to find partners and lead happy and productive lives.

    All this fuss and attention is making her think her problem is serious. Meanwhile, real shit is happening in the world.

  10. #150
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    That's a healthy persons perspective tho Salome.

    That's where I started with it too but this person is obsessed with this and healthy people never are. Know what I mean?

    Therapy seems to be the best answer right now so she can see the truth of what you're saying.

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