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  1. #51
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    I am a leaf on the wind; watch how I soar.

  2. #52
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    "Well, if you must know, it was because he was very jealous, and I had these days of the week underpants."
    "*ehhhh* I'm sorry. I need the judge's ruling on this. 'Days of the weeks underpants'?"
    "Yes. They had the days of the week on them, and I thought they were sort of funny. And then one day Sheldon says to me, 'You never wear Sunday.' It was all suspicious. Where was Sunday? Where had I left Sunday? And I told him, and he didn't believe me."
    "What?"
    "They don't make Sunday."
    "Why not?"
    "Because of God."

  3. #53
    Entertaining Cracker five sounds's Avatar
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    - Let's see. You are...Michael Bolton?
    - Yeah.
    - Are you any relation to the pop singer?
    - No, it's just a coincidence.
    - I'll be honest with you, I love his music. I do. I'm a Michael Bolton fan. For my money, I don't know if it gets any better than when he sings "When a Man Loves a Woman."
    But you must really love his music.
    - Yeah. He's, he's, he's pretty, he's pretty good I guess.
    - You're God damn right he is. (laughs)
    So tell me, what's your favorite song of his?
    - Hmm. I don't, I don't know. I mean, I guess I sorta like em all.
    - That's why I feel the exact same way. But it must be twice as hard for you, being having the same name as him. I celebrate the guy's entire catalog. Anyway, let's get down to business, Michael!
    You hem me in -- behind and before;
    you have laid your hand upon me.
    Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

  4. #54
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    "Let me ask you something. When you come in on Monday and you're not feeling real well, does anyone ever say to you, 'Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays'?"
    "No. No, man. Shit, no, man. I believe you'd get your ass kicked sayin' something like that, man."

  5. #55
    Senior Member Jaguar's Avatar
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    If you don't like my jokes, don't laugh. If you have a medical opinion, then please speak up and speak up loud.
    But if you ever again tell me or my surgical staff that we're going to lose a patient, I'm gonna take out your lungs with a fuckin' ice cream scoop. Do you understand me?
    A fool and his money are soon elected.

  6. #56
    everything's absurd asynartetic's Avatar
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    Do you like Phil Collins? I've been a big Genesis fan ever since the release of their 1980 album, Duke. Before that, I really didn't understand any of their work. Too artsy, too intellectual. It was on Duke where Phil Collins' presence became more apparent. I think Invisible Touch was the group's undisputed masterpiece. It's an epic meditation on intangibility. At the same time, it deepens and enriches the meaning of the preceding three albums. Christy, take off your robe. Listen to the brilliant ensemble playing of Banks, Collins and Rutherford. You can practically hear every nuance of every instrument. Sabrina, remove your dress. In terms of lyrical craftsmanship, the sheer songwriting, this album hits a new peak of professionalism. Sabrina, why don't you, uh, dance a little. Take the lyrics to Land of Confusion. In this song, Phil Collins addresses the problems of abusive political authority. In Too Deep is the most moving pop song of the 1980s, about monogamy and commitment. The song is extremely uplifting. Their lyrics are as positive and affirmative as anything I've heard in rock. Christy, get down on your knees so Sabrina can see your asshole. Phil Collins' solo career seems to be more commercial and therefore more satisfying, in a narrower way. Especially songs like In the Air Tonight and Against All Odds. Sabrina, don't just stare at it, eat it. But I also think Phil Collins works best within the confines of the group, than as a solo artist, and I stress the word artist. This is Sussudio, a great, great song, a personal favorite.

  7. #57
    everything's absurd asynartetic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Nihilists! Fuck me. I mean, say what you like about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it's an ethos.
    -Are these the nazis, Walter?
    -No, Donny. These men are nihilists.

  8. #58
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    Nathan: Alice, please. Your dog, Alice. It and my appetite are mutually exclusive.

    Alice: Well, what's wrong with the dog?

    Nathan: Simple. He's been licking his asshole for the last three straight hours. I submit to you that there is nothing there worth more than an hour's attention. I should think that whatever he is attempting to dislodge is either gone for good, or there to stay. Wouldn't you agree?

  9. #59
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    I owe you a ten second car.

  10. #60
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    If I stay here a week, I will cost the Russian people seven cows. Who am I to cost the Russian people seven cows? I'm ashamed to put the picture of Lenin in a room like this.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

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