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  1. #51
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jixmixfix View Post
    Right next to my work, a man smashed through a stoplight pole with his car taking down the 30 foot object. As I drove by I see ambulance giving CPR and compressions to his chest. Since CPR has such a grim rate of recovery I knew something was wrong. A few hours passed the road was cleared up as construction workers easily put a new stop light pole back in it's place. The road was cleaned up ok to drive on and it was like nothing ever happened...
    I'm sorry. It would be kind of unsettled to just witness the transience of such things -- someone's life was fine, in a split second it all changes, and within a few hours things are back to "normal" .... except for him. And I'd be torn between wanting to know what happened and if he's okay, vs not wanting to butt into someone else's business; modern culture seems to automatically distance us from other people's tragedies (it's someone else's life), even while simultaneously it tends to package it and toss it up on the news for consumption.

    I've found too that normally I can detach, but some things create a visceral response to me. When I was working my first job twenty years ago, a guy was friends with someone on the EMT squad in our local rural area, and he came into work with Polaroids of an incident where a small plane had crashed on a house in town (right during rush hour -- the pilot had a heart attack, and the plane went down and totaled the house, killing the passengers and the old couple living there). I ended up looking at them, mostly out of morbid curiosity, and while my brain seemed to "parse" everything in a detached way, recognizing what it was, etc., I found my body actually responding to the pictures negatively, without any conscious understand of why -- kind of like if you get hurt, you yell/lash out. it was purely automatic. I found myself getting dizzy and nauseated, and I could't get the images out of my mind.

    So even if you understand what has happened, it's still likely that you are responding to the incident on a more basic level. it's not weird to have a lingering reaction where something really bothers you.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  2. #52
    figsfiggyfigs
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saturned View Post
    It doesn't make sense to me that you are this blissfully unaware of how you come across at times.
    I'm quite aware. I still don't see your point. How is my experience, although much worse, acceptable, while his is not? How is telling him that he'll move on and eventually forget about it, a bad thing? I don't see the irrelevance of my comment in relation to his experience, just because I "have seen it but he has not". That makes no sense to me what so ever. Do you think my comment came from a mind trained to see tragedy? Do you see the hypocrisy of your statement?

  3. #53
    Senior Member Gish's Avatar
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    Around 200,000 people die every single day, if everyone stopped for those people nothing would ever get done.
    Whoops.

  4. #54
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by YWIR View Post
    I'm quite aware. I still don't see your point. How is my experience, although much worse, acceptable, while his is not? How is telling him that he'll move on and eventually forget about it, a bad thing? I don't see the irrelevance of my comment in relation to his experience, just because I "have seen it but he has not". That makes no sense to me what so ever. Do you think my comment came from a mind trained to see tragedy? Do you see the hypocrisy of your statement?
    ha ha... Please, come on, hon. Since when does a comment like, "Seen worse. you'll get over it" sound at all like you've invested in an answer? I mean, maybe you were being sincere by it, and meant what you said -- but even thought I don't really take things personally, if someone would have posted that in a thread I started on a topic like this, I would have basically thought, "Thanks for playing," and promptly ignored you.

    Basically, if we want to actually counsel/advise someone, doesn't it make sense to communicate our thoughts a little more transparently? It's supposed to be for the recipient, not for the writer.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  5. #55
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    Well at least it's nice to know there are stop lights that can do the work for you.

  6. #56
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gish View Post
    Around 200,000 people die every single day, if everyone stopped for those people nothing would ever get done.
    Which is true, but we're not talking about them.
    We're talking about the impact of someone dying in front of you.

    Quote Originally Posted by The Ü View Post
    Well at least it's nice to know there are stop lights that can do the work for you.
    ha... not sure that the creators imagined "stop" light in that sense...
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  7. #57
    Senior Member Gish's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Which is true, but we're not talking about them.
    We're talking about the impact of someone dying in front of you.

    Thanks for the completely unnecessary post whoring comment, here is mine.

    Quote Originally Posted by jixmixfix View Post
    I think the the thing that shook me up the most is that the world doesn't stop, not even for a second. The businesses still run, the pathway gets cleared up and everything keeps going as if nothing ever happened.
    Whoops.

  8. #58
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gish View Post
    Thanks for the completely unnecessary post whoring comment, here is mine.
    Excuse me? Care to explain yourself?

    I thought it was pretty clear:
    200,000 die daily, and we do not witness those.
    But I think just about anyone would have a little more reaction to that death intruding right in front of them.
    Which means they have to work through it somehow.

    Which is what hit jixmix. if someone hadn't seemingly croaked in front of him, he wouldn't have started this thread nor posted the comment that you quoted, but this made him think of that and it's sticking with him.

    This ain't rocket science, I think my point was pretty self-explanatory.
    If you don't like to have your thinking challenged, make it a little more soundproof next time.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  9. #59
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gish View Post
    Around 200,000 people die every single day, if everyone stopped for those people nothing would ever get done.
    who said everyone has to stop? when no one even looks to see what's going on around them?

  10. #60
    figsfiggyfigs
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    ha ha... Please, come on, hon. Since when does a comment like, "Seen worse. you'll get over it" sound at all like you've invested in an answer? I mean, maybe you were being sincere by it, and meant what you said -- but even thought I don't really take things personally, if someone would have posted that in a thread I started on a topic like this, I would have basically thought, "Thanks for playing," and promptly ignored you.

    Basically, if we want to actually counsel/advise someone, doesn't it make sense to communicate our thoughts a little more transparently? It's supposed to be for the recipient, not for the writer.
    I don't see the topic itself as worth investing more than I have already stated. I don't think it's a big deal, people witness deaths daily, most more dramatically and first-hand. The OP himself didn't seem very attached to the subject, other than witnessing this for the first time, and being a somewhat fascinating and puzzling experience to him. I'm sure he was more impressed by how things continued to play as if nothing happened, than effected by the death on a personal level. I wasn't going to fake caring or be excessively nice due to making the assumption he was grieving some strangers death that had no direct effect on his life. My response was directly related to the OP's attitude. He was a tad uneasy, and my post told him "hey, I've seen worse, you'll get over it".

    Should I have added "trust me" to sound more genuine?

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