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Thread: Why do I always

  1. #1
    unscannable Tigerlily's Avatar
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    Default Why do I always

    think people don't like me? Is it low self esteem? Am I unlikable? I have a few close friends who "get" me and of course my Husband and children, but yet I always feel others don't really like me. I pretty much don't care accept when I meet someone I truly like which is rare.

    I was out the other day and ran into someone I hadn't seen in several months and she seemed very happy to see me. I was pretty shocked and wondered what impression I had left her when we last saw one another that would have caused her to behave this way?
    Time is a delicate mistress.

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    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
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    Default Q and A

    Q - Why do people take an instant dislike to me?

    A - It saves time.

    Victor.

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    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jen View Post
    think people don't like me? Is it low self esteem? Am I unlikable? I have a few close friends who "get" me and of course my Husband and children, but yet I always feel others don't really like me. I pretty much don't care accept when I meet someone I truly like which is rare.

    I was out the other day and ran into someone I hadn't seen in several months and she seemed very happy to see me. I was pretty shocked and wondered what impression I had left her when we last saw one another that would have caused her to behave this way?
    I used to do this, too, and still do though not as badly.

    I used to be absolutely convinced I was unlikeable and that people didn't like me. I assumed they were nice because they liked my husband - who IS likeable.

    For me, I think it stemmed from my childhood where I was treated with contempt by my mother. She treated me as though she hated everything about me. She criticized every area of my life. I was convinced of my un-lovability - and it became a perpetual self-fulfilling prophecy because I was constantly sabotaging myself.

    I was sure I wasn't liked because I didn't like me.

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    I was out the other day and ran into someone I hadn't seen in several months and she seemed very happy to see me. I was pretty shocked and wondered what impression I had left her when we last saw one another that would have caused her to behave this way?
    Did you leave someone out of this paragraph that would explain your surpsrise? (Being happy to see you sounds like something you'd be wanting to achieve, not something bad.)

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    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    Your mind must be playing games with you when you meet somebody new. Here're some possibilities:

    1. You're projecting the way you feel about yourself onto others. Inside, you think you're undeserving of the acceptance or admiration.
    3. You never learned how to be secure around strangers and are feeding off the "energy" of your parents/caretakers.
    4. You in essence reject yourself early on in the relationship to avoid rejection after someone REALLY gets to know you, where the rejection can hurt a lot more.
    5. You've already come to expect your reaction, which actually brings it about. Meaning: Jen sees someone she's going to meet; She automatically thinks "I'm in a stranger-meeting situation;" She recalls that in her self-image, she is unable to accept admiration or acceptance from strangers (for whatever reason); She acts according to her self-imposed expectations.

    Any of this resonating with ya?

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    Highly Hollow Wandering's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    4. You in essence reject yourself early on in the relationship to avoid rejection after someone REALLY gets to know you, where the rejection can hurt a lot more.
    This one is me Problem is: I'm right People DO end up rejecting me (well, parts of me, but I see myself as a whole, so rejecting a part of me hurts the whole of me) once they get to know more of me :ouch:

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    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wandering View Post
    This one is me Problem is: I'm right People DO end up rejecting me (well, parts of me, but I see myself as a whole, so rejecting a part of me hurts the whole of me) once they get to know more of me :ouch:
    *









    *JUST KIDDING!! LOL

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    unscannable Tigerlily's Avatar
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    INTJMom I can relate because I grew up with a negative controlling mother and no matter how hard I tried I just couldn't seem to do the anything right for her. I am seriously trying so hard not to be that way with our kids. I'd hate for them to grow up resenting me the way I do my mother.

    Edahn that was great, thanks. Three is possible and four is pretty spot on.

    Wandering, maybe it's an INFJ thing? I seriously feel like a freak sometimes as if no one understands me. Now when I say this I am not looking for sympathy, but I am trying to understand the way I operate and how I can become a better person.

    Zerg I didn't leave anything out, but you'll have to learn to speak in code at times if you want to communicate with me.
    Time is a delicate mistress.

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    Highly Hollow Wandering's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post





  10. #10
    unscannable Tigerlily's Avatar
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    ^ hehe Not all INFJ's are into Dolphins and poppy fields. Some of us can be brutal if you rub us the wrong way.
    Time is a delicate mistress.

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