I'm feeling all gumbied right now lol
07-05-2013, 11:23 PM #3631"But you forget that there is one value that is greater than all others: human freedom. Because no matter how perfectly you set the world up for humanity, they will always rebel simply to exert their own selves. You cannot win."
07-06-2013, 01:01 AM #3632
I was somewhat drunk last night. I considered making out with a mostly gay drunk IXFP. But I decided it would only end badly.http://badges.mypersonality.info/badge/0/24/244970.png
6w5, 4w3, 1w9 (probably)
07-06-2013, 03:56 AM #3633
I didn't get my cigar tonight. We cannot underestimate that tragedy. But I got something more lasting: the final push into the cave mouth. It looks unexpectedly familiar, but that could be a good sign. Let's go exploring, like old times. /wat
07-10-2013, 03:37 PM #3634
I don't think he'll ever talk to me again. I think he loved me . . . but I couldn't ever let him in and all I do is hurt him . . . because anytime he tries, I let him down. I'm so drunk. Pass out soon. He says he can't think of anyone else more attractive or intelligent or interesting that he's dated . . . but my self hatred and hatred for anyone that tries to connect with me drove him away. I don't know. It's all just lies. He oesn't care. No one ever will. I'm just worthless. But he's out of fucks to give."My comrades and my beloved, upon your way you shall meet men with hoofs; give them your wings. And men with horns; give them wreaths of laurel. And men with claws; give them petals for fingers. And men with forked tongues; give them honey words." --Kahlil Gibran, The Garden of The Prophet
07-10-2013, 03:42 PM #3635
I just cant stop hating myself. left alone for the first 4 years ofmy life in fucken metal crate. then I get adopted into this family and get abused the fuck out of . . . fucked when I was eight and strangled until I passed out. No one ever cared to help me. Everyone rejects me in the end."My comrades and my beloved, upon your way you shall meet men with hoofs; give them your wings. And men with horns; give them wreaths of laurel. And men with claws; give them petals for fingers. And men with forked tongues; give them honey words." --Kahlil Gibran, The Garden of The Prophet
07-10-2013, 10:59 PM #3636I'm never wrong, I'm just sometimes less right
07-11-2013, 01:48 AM #3637
Considering that I posted something personal on a public forum, you have a right to make a comment on my posts. But honestly, considering the quality of the advice just given, I kinda feel that responding to you beyond this would be a waste. I am curious if this is coming from a place of genuine concern or that you are policing the fluff sub-forum? I would think a little of both, but more so the latter. And your comment about "help yourself first" . . . that comes off as massively condescending. Who made you arbiter of what constitutes having your shit together?"My comrades and my beloved, upon your way you shall meet men with hoofs; give them your wings. And men with horns; give them wreaths of laurel. And men with claws; give them petals for fingers. And men with forked tongues; give them honey words." --Kahlil Gibran, The Garden of The Prophet
07-11-2013, 02:15 AM #3638
A lot of people would consider the information you divulged to be a highly traumatic experience that would likely cause some lasting emotional damage.
Considering the self hatred you describe, I wouldn't say it'd be unreasonable for anyone reading that to hope or suggest that you seek out professional help. And looking after yourself first, or loving yourself first- cliche as that sounds- is kind of important if you ever do want to truly be close to anyone.
I'm not you, and I can't say I've been everywhere you have- but I did experience a various forms of physical/emotional abuse growing up, as well as half my family dying on me. It left me isolated, unable to trust, and grappling with a lot of deep self blame/defeatist thinking/beliefs that I am defective & always will be.. leading to self destructive behaviors. Your post resonated with some of those feelings, to me. I struggle with that even now; fully accepting myself. Over time [& relationships] I realized, it's practically impossible to really ever feel "safe" or close with someone- accepting that they could truly, consistently accept me- without learning to accept myself. Without finding that kind of safety within myself, first. If that makes sense.
Seeing professionals to deal with some of those issues- or just to make sure I was coping as well as I could with the tools at hand- was extremely beneficial for me. Was neutral territory- someone to talk to who I wasn't subconsciously fighting with myself about sharing things. Sometimes that's all you need, to start seeing things in a healthier way- someone who can take that shit apart with you in a structured environment, where you know (at the very least) they're paid to help you, not betray or hurt or shame you. I'm not trying to instruct you or anything- I don't know you. But I figure if something helped me, there's some slight possibility it'd help others to some extent, too, so might as well pass it along.
I'm not the only person here who's been dealt a traumatic/rough hand on this forum, so I try not to respond to people who solicit advice (whether I've asked for it or not, whether it's applicable or not) with defensiveness. Most people who read posts like yours & take the time to respond mean well (perhaps even relate), & they aren't trying to judge or criticize you. My impression here is that Ponyboy was trying to offer some sound advice (albeit in a flippant manner), but he wasn't trying to be unsupportive or condescending.
I dunno if you're still inebriated presently, but if so, maybe after some sleep (cognitive carwash)- when you wake up tomorrow & read this over, you'll see that there was likely no ill intent on anyone's part, here.
Take care. And cliche as it sounds, things can and do get better.
/end ramble03/23 06:06:58 EcK: lex
03/23 06:06:59 EcK: lex
03/23 06:21:34 Nancynobullets: LEXXX *sacrifices a first born*
03/23 06:21:53 Nancynobullets: We summon yooouuu
03/23 06:29:07 Lexicon: I was sleeping!
04/25 04:20:35 Patches: Don't listen to lex. She wants to birth a litter of kittens. She doesnt get to decide whats creepy
02/16 23:49:38 ygolo: Lex is afk
02/16 23:49:45 Cimarron: she's doing drugs with Jack
03/05 19:27:41 Time: You can't make chat morbid. Lex does it naturally.
07-11-2013, 02:36 AM #3639
Goodness. Is there any possible way for this to not come off like me being an asshole? So I come on here to vent . . . it's safe and anonymous. If this is an issue, they can ban me from the forum (or you can put me on ignore), otherwise, I really am not looking for a bunch of people to play Mother Theresa or to get embroiled in the "who has suffered more" game. We've all suffered and as far as I can tell everyone has issues. I don't give people advice because I full well realize I'm too fucked up and self interested/focused on my own issues to really comprehend and appreciate wtf the other person is going through. Who am I to say what another person needs to do? I feel like intuitives do this a lot . . . they project and turn other people's issues into their own and talk with a type of intimacy about said person's issues that just annoys me. Dude, you have no idea what this other person is genuinely experiencing. All you or anyone can glean is they are clearly in pain. Why not empathize purely with that . . . empathize with the fact we all have our issues we're trying to work through. It becomes so self involved when it becomes your thing. And maybe that's what rankles me . . .
So I guess if I wanted to be diplomatic I would soften all this in a way that made it seem like I was appreciative for the concern. Someone that doesn't know me at all claiming to know what course of action I should take to "get better". . . nah, I'm not appreciative of that type of concern.
07-11-2013, 02:43 AM #3640
[ENTP] how drunk do you get?By WALMART in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)Replies: 92Last Post: 07-24-2012, 02:27 AM