Rant the first:
Am I really expected to sit there and listen to the same story over and over again? Really? I'm so not interested in the story of how you bought that sweater. Suuure, it's nice but hey, it's only a sweater!! And while I'm expected to remember all the details (which sadly I do) you never ever remember anything about me. I hate having to repeat stuff a gazillion times so I shut up but this doesn't mean that you have to fill the silence with more inane stories!!??! Also, your jokes are not funny and that's why I don't laugh at them. We may be good friends but there's a limit to my patience. Just because I can spend days talking to certain other people doesn't mean I can do it with you. You're tiring and mentally constipated. My not laughing as much doesn't mean I am depressed and am about to kill myself*.
Rant the second but directed to the same person:
Stop lecturing me on antioxidants and organic food etc etc. I know what I need and just because I'm not vocal about my food doesn't mean I'm an idiot who doesn't know what to eat.
Rant the third:
I'm not like you. I have different tastes and different ways of thinking. It doesn't mean I'm an alien. And you claim to be open-minded? Get over it already!
*Why does everyone think I am depressed and want to kill myself??? Haven't you ever seen someone think??