Wow, I've not been this angry in a while.
There are certain volunteer positions that merit a criminal background check, e.g., caring for young children. But no, the position I volunteer for does not merit it, and I will not submit to one. Therefore I will not volunteer. Good policy, guys! Keep it up. I've been doing this for 15 years or so. It's a bit late for the check, don'tcha think?