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Thread: The Rant Thread

  1. #5611
    hEARTLESS Aenima Array Blackout's Avatar
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    Highly specific information. Feed it to our congregation. Shine it up and you know they will buy it. A smoke screen that could be seen from space, mouths a gap, tears on our faces, we all fell down to our knees
    protect us from our enemies


    Never underestimate
    what this game can orchestrate
    what they'll do to dominate
    Now, I ride the Eternal winds once more! And none shall ever be my master!
    The Silver Surfer


  2. #5612
    hEARTLESS Aenima Array Blackout's Avatar
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    Smile appropriately to the right kinds of people, to the rights kind of people, with the right kinds of capital, financial or social. Craft your character, rehearse your performance. Reinforce habits. Walk to the alter. Read from the prompter. Smile to the prompter and clap like a seal.


    Years don't teach anything
    if you're not listening,
    a plug in your ears
    with bargain priced fantasies
    that will break down
    right when you need a real understanding
    and nothing means anything.
    Now, I ride the Eternal winds once more! And none shall ever be my master!
    The Silver Surfer


  3. #5613
    Superwoman Array Red Herring's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    Actual quote from new roommate, at the end of a cooking related conversation: "I have a new title for you. You are the queen of baking and of leaving the lights on."

    Jesus Christ -- if you have an issue with my leaving the lights on, just bring it up like a grown-ass woman. You are literally ten years older than me and should be beyond that now.

    I'm mad at myself for not calling you on that, but I was honestly too surprised and confused to know how to react in the moment. But if something like this happens again, we're going to have a talk about honest roommate communication.

    I miss my "house family" -- my two former roommates, who were the absolute best. And now I'm rooming with someone who thinks passive-aggressive compliment-insults from out of nowhere are acceptable.
    You can still calmly discuss this with her tonight when you get a minute to talk. Nothing wrong with telling her to please address things directly in the future because slipping criticism in like that makes things very awkward.
    The good life is one inspired by love and guided by knowledge. Neither love without knowledge, nor knowledge without love can produce a good life. - Bertrand Russell
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  4. #5614
    hey ma! got a tatoo Array prplchknz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    Actual quote from new roommate, at the end of a cooking related conversation: "I have a new title for you. You are the queen of baking and of leaving the lights on."

    Jesus Christ -- if you have an issue with my leaving the lights on, just bring it up like a grown-ass woman. You are literally ten years older than me and should be beyond that now.

    I'm mad at myself for not calling you on that, but I was honestly too surprised and confused to know how to react in the moment. But if something like this happens again, we're going to have a talk about honest roommate communication.

    I miss my "house family" -- my two former roommates, who were the absolute best. And now I'm rooming with someone who thinks passive-aggressive compliment-insults from out of nowhere are acceptable.
    she did just not in a way you liked.

    sorry that was snarky. but true. not saying there's a better way she should've said it. but you were informed.
    by @magpie

  5. #5615
    hyggelig Array EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Red Herring View Post
    You can still calmly discuss this with her tonight when you get a minute to talk. Nothing wrong with telling her to please address things directly in the future because slipping criticism in like that makes things very awkward.
    That'll work even when it's delayed like that? As opposed to waiting til a similar moment?

    I guess the benefit would be that I'd be calmer if I didn't wait til she did it again-- and if I had an opportunity to collect my thoughts.

    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    she did just not in a way you liked.

    sorry that was snarky. but true. not saying there's a better way she should've said it. but you were informed.
    That's exactly what I was saying, and the reason why I added "like a grown-ass woman" at the end.
    and it's nice enough to
    make a man
    weep, but I don't
    weep, do
    you?

    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
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    want to ask me something? go for it!

  6. #5616
    hey ma! got a tatoo Array prplchknz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    That's exactly what I was saying, and the reason why I added "like a grown-ass woman" at the end.

    do you think maybe your intimidating? ask her
    by @magpie

  7. #5617
    hyggelig Array EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    do you think maybe your intimidating? ask her
    She's very conflict-avoidant in situations involving her friends, but at the same time is very black-and-white and critical, and not as subtle as she'd like to think she is. I'm nearly positive she's an ENFJ and she really, really wants all of us roommates to like her. She's more openly critical of people, to their faces, when she doesn't care as much about people-pleasing and perfectly fitting into a friendly role.
    and it's nice enough to
    make a man
    weep, but I don't
    weep, do
    you?

    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw or gryffindor (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  8. #5618
    hey ma! got a tatoo Array prplchknz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    She's very conflict-avoidant in situations involving her friends, but at the same time is very black-and-white and critical, and not as subtle as she'd like to think she is. I'm nearly positive she's an ENFJ and she really, really wants all of us roommates to like her. She's more openly critical of people, to their faces, when she doesn't care as much about people-pleasing and perfectly fitting into a friendly role.
    i dunno. i'm done with people i give you permission to stab her.
    by @magpie
    Likes EJCC liked this post

  9. #5619
    Happy Dancer Array uumlau's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    She's very conflict-avoidant in situations involving her friends, but at the same time is very black-and-white and critical, and not as subtle as she'd like to think she is. I'm nearly positive she's an ENFJ and she really, really wants all of us roommates to like her. She's more openly critical of people, to their faces, when she doesn't care as much about people-pleasing and perfectly fitting into a friendly role.

    I agree with your passive-aggressive assessment of her. Yes, it arises from feeling like you have to be "nice" but directly telling people unpleasant things isn't "nice". Recall my comments a while ago regarding nice vs kind. It is possible to be very kind and very direct at the same time. For some reason, it isn't possible to be "nice" and very direct at the same time.
    An argument is two people sharing their ignorance.

    A discussion is two people sharing their understanding, even when they disagree.
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  10. #5620
    Vulnerability Array Eilonwy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    That'll work even when it's delayed like that? As opposed to waiting til a similar moment?

    I guess the benefit would be that I'd be calmer if I didn't wait til she did it again-- and if I had an opportunity to collect my thoughts.
    So, tough question here. How is your choice of how to address a difficult subject (waiting until a similar moment and doing what? being just as passive-aggressive?) any more grown-up than hers was? Perhaps you could model what a grown-up response looks like for her. Show her how you would like to be treated by treating her with the same respect.

    My opinion is that @Red Herring's suggestion sounds like a grown-up response.

    By the way, I've got 30 years on you and my experience is that there aren't a lot of people who always behave in a grown-up manner. I certainly don't.
    Johari / Nohari

    “That we are capable only of being what we are remains our unforgivable sin.” ― Gene Wolfe

    reminder to self: "That YOU that you are so proud of is a story woven together by your interpreter module to account for as much of your behavior as it can incorporate, and it denies or rationalizes the rest." "Who's in Charge? Free Will and the Science of the Brain" by Michael S. Gazzaniga

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