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Thread: The Rant Thread

  1. #5411
    came back haunted Array EJCC's Avatar
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    Why haven't I figured out how to deal with people at their worst, even after years of introspecting, practicing active listening, and learning to be a more open and receptive person? You would think that after all that time, I wouldn't become a deer in the headlights when people try to open up to me and I don't understand what they're going through, and/or I don't sympathize with them or agree with their reactions.

    Inb4 "you're an ESTJ, of course you're like that". After all that work, though? All that practice? Is there no way to overcome type in this regard? Does ESTJ equal emotionally stunted jerk, no matter what?
    and it's nice enough to
    make a man
    weep, but I don't
    weep, do
    you?

    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw or gryffindor (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  2. #5412
    hey ma! got a tatoo Array prplchknz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    Why haven't I figured out how to deal with people at their worst, even after years of introspecting, practicing active listening, and learning to be a more open and receptive person? You would think that after all that time, I wouldn't become a deer in the headlights when people try to open up to me and I don't understand what they're going through, and/or I don't sympathize with them or agree with their reactions.

    Inb4 "you're an ESTJ, of course you're like that". After all that work, though? All that practice? Is there no way to overcome type in this regard? Does ESTJ equal emotionally stunted jerk, no matter what?
    i dunno if this is an ESTJ reaction because a lot of times same thing happens to me. unless i'm a secret estj but probably not. the only time this will not happen is if i can relate to the situation, if i can't then nope. i'm a dickwad.

    i think this true for everyone though, just some are better at hiding it. *glares at the fe people*
    by @magpie
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  3. #5413
    Happy Dancer Array uumlau's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    Why haven't I figured out how to deal with people at their worst, even after years of introspecting, practicing active listening, and learning to be a more open and receptive person? You would think that after all that time, I wouldn't become a deer in the headlights when people try to open up to me and I don't understand what they're going through, and/or I don't sympathize with them or agree with their reactions.

    Inb4 "you're an ESTJ, of course you're like that". After all that work, though? All that practice? Is there no way to overcome type in this regard? Does ESTJ equal emotionally stunted jerk, no matter what?
    I don't think you quite realize how very, very young you are. The kind of maturity you are looking for comes at a great cost. Based on my observations, it takes a couple of decades as an adult without kids to get there. The (slightly) faster route is to have kids - about a decade in that case. Being entirely responsible for an otherwise helpless human being puts a lot of things in a very different perspective that tends to (but is not guaranteed to) be a lot less selfish than before.

    I don't know if I mentioned this to you, before, but once upon a time, one youngster on INTJf commented that he wanted to be able to dispense the kind of "wise advice" that I regularly did. My reply: "No, you don't. I wouldn't wish on ANYONE what I had to go through to learn it."

    A bittersweet story:

    Recently, on a flight to somewhere, I happened to sit by a very talkative woman. She was cheerful and obviously had a goodhearted nature. She loved talking about education and learning. We had a wonderful conversation for an hour or so. Then she shyly mentioned why she happened to be flying home from Germany. Her husband had been working in Germany. He had just died. She had just made the arrangements to bring his body home.

    The conversation continued for a bit, and I mentioned that my Mom had died back in 2000. She asked me, "That feeling. Does it ever go away?"

    "No, I don't think so," I replied. "Actually, I don't think it is supposed to."

    "You see," I said, "One thing I've learned is that there is a huge difference between being 'nice' and being 'kind'. They do more or less mean the same thing, but I'm talking about something particular, here. Everyone is capable of being nice. It's easy. You just put on a mask and act polite. You follow the rules of civil interaction. You say please and thank you. But it's just a mask. The mask hides all sorts of different kinds of people, some of whom are benevolent and others who aren't so benevolent. Sometimes for some people, it's very obviously just a mask and they don't mean a single 'nice' word that they say.

    "But being 'kind'. That's different. If you've suffered, really suffered, then it's easy to be kind. All you have to do is remember that just about everyone else you meet has suffered to some degree, some more, some less. When you know and see all that suffering, the thought of saying or doing anything that unnecessarily adds to that suffering just HURTS. You know it when you meet such people who embody kindness. They are gentle and forceful at the same time. You can feel that they see you as you really are. And if you pay close attention, you can see how they just made your life so much easier, without really trying.

    "So, yeah, that feeling never really goes away. It isn't supposed to. It makes you more human. It connects you more deeply with everyone. It makes you a better person."

    Before we parted and went our separate ways, she gave me the BIGGEST hug.

    (end story)

    So yeah, I feel your frustration and not quite figuring out how to get beyond type. I'm an INTJ, so seriously, I totally get it. People don't believe me when I say I was really kind of an asshole when I was younger. (Not deliberately so, but just utterly naive about how to communicate with people, and utterly confident in my knowledge of how everything worked - and it didn't help that I actually was very much smarter than most everyone around me and kind of intolerant of how slowly they would think things through.)

    EJCC, you are one of the best examples of a healthy, happy, warm and loving ESTJ I've ever encountered. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You are extremely emotionally aware, and that's why you're even asking these questions and feeling this frustration. But as awesome as you already are, the goal towards which you strive is a lifetime goal, not a "project" that you can complete in a few months or years. There is no degree to earn. It's just life, and you only get better at it by doing it. And, my dear EJCC, I sincerely pray that you don't have your world rocked by the kind of pain I am talking about anytime soon.

    An argument is two people sharing their ignorance.

    A discussion is two people sharing their understanding, even when they disagree.
    Likes Hawthorne, Mad Hatter, Alaska, EJCC, Eilonwy and 4 others liked this post

  4. #5414
    across the universe Array Olm the Water King's Avatar
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    Back in my day, RPG meant rocket-propelled grenade.


  5. #5415
    hey ma! got a tatoo Array prplchknz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sultan of Beans View Post
    Back in my day, RPG meant rocket-propelled grenade.

    then go find one and play with it.
    by @magpie
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  6. #5416
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    The two coworkers who know the most about this project are not here today (one's sick, the other needs to stay home to look after his kids), I don't know WTF is going on, and I have to finish it all and send it out by the end of the day!

  7. #5417
    Senior Member Array Lark's Avatar
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    I wish the original escape from atlantis existed, not this wooden cut outs survive:escape from atlantis game, its totally dumbed down, I cant believe how gaming has become so, so sanitised and infantilised

  8. #5418
    Member Array Senkrad's Avatar
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    Oh, great. When I thought I had it under control, something new showed up and took a bloody dump all over my misery.
    I'm a green bean killing machine.

  9. #5419
    Senior Member Array Grand Admiral Crunch's Avatar
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    I'm hungry and pissed off. I have a new baby and need rest. I'm tired of everyone bothering me.
    Likes Qlip liked this post

  10. #5420
    waiting for Winterman Array Osprey's Avatar
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    God, today sucks.

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