Try to focus realistically on how he treated you. If you become addicted to some one emotionally and/or sexually (which is normal, it doesn't mean you're stupid or crazy, it's oxytocin pair bonding, people who don't do it are actually more worrisome as humans, and if you find though you do this too easily through one night stands or short term things that happened a couple few times, you probably should avoid casual sex for your own health)....the best way to remedy this is to focus on if the person actually treated you with love and respect.
It's super hard when you really feel close to someone, like the intimacy factor, so don't be hard on yourself. Let yourself be you don't have to "get over it" but if you are depressed focus on activities you enjoy, especially things that are easier to do without him or thoughts of him consuming you. This will remind you of the whole capable person that you were before you met him, and that you can be even if totally celibate.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy works. Even if you feel bad, if you start reframing things you can possibly bounce back quicker than you thought. It's ok to grieve, but changing the way you think about things actually will eventually improve your emotional state. And sometimes you will still think of him, you didn't fail, life goes on, you are human.
Information is so important. Learning that love is a choice was so meaningful for me.
Even without sex, emotional affairs and crushes occur. This can be almost or just as painful, depending on how close you two were, or how you idealized him. Eugene Onegin is the best book about romantic crushes. When Tanya realizes, there is no real Onegin. Don't like books, ok, but still you can focus on what actually happened, how did this person treat you, what quality did he have that you admired, and that love ultimately is a choice and is about bonding with another person, not chasing. Chasing is infatuation, and the basis for most relationship dysfunction from crush to dramatic sexcapades that end in murder suicide. THAT IS NOT LOVE.
Thank you for responding thoughtfully. I've framed and reframed, I've thought of things in so many ways, it has been 7 months.. I wake up crying occasionally.. angry and frustrated and sad.. because he abandoned the relationship while i was deeply in love with him. so it is an abandonment shock that I've dealt with.
I guess this was my first time being in love, ever, since my first love 11 years ago. Which is why this is so excruciatingly hard. I can't be with anyone sexually because somehow deep within me I am still committed to him. Afterwards I feel guilty like im cheating and gross and just wrong.
I've dated, I'm perceptive I know people quickly and I dont like many people. I also know the potential within a given relationship.
I wanted to marry him. I've never wanted that with anyone else. He asked me what he could do to make me happy and said "Marry me" he said "This weekend?".. "No, it can be in the future.."...and he said "Yes, I'd consider it" and that, I know he meant..
We werent in one of those long relationships that stagnates because those people arent in love.. we met and fell in love quickly.. it was a short relationship but we both made tremendous life changes to be in this relationship.
we both made sacrifices for how we felt about eachother. fuckkkk sacrifices
My Match subscription ended last week, and lo and behold within 24 hours my email was flooooded with activity on my profile! This after 3 months of total ho hum, unresponsive people, attention from the opposite of what I'm looking for, etc. How is this even possible?! In one of the emails, they informed me that between likes, winks and messages (yeah, they have too many modes of communication) 37 men were interested just this week!
Does this sound like totally manipulative bull to anyone else? I have this 24 hours after my paying membership ends? Really?!
I think I might actually call their customer service and give them crap for this. Either they are deceitful (in not showing full activity while I was subscribed, or making up stuff now to get money from me) or men really just want what they can't have desperately. You tell me, I'm going to go *headdesk*
Did they mention that 36 of them were from the Marketing department?
"Love never needs time. But friendship always needs time. More and more and more time, up to long past midnight." -- The Crime of Captain Gahagan