12-06-2014 10:59 PM
12-07-2014 07:06 AM
Keep track of everything.
12-07-2014 06:50 PM
It's knowledge most others have...
Originally Posted by prplchknz
Good result (vs. Soton)...still have to go #Arsene
Tengo los conocimientos estardiar....no hay un motivo para estar al tanto de la reunión que sucedió hace mucho tiempo ....
12-07-2014 10:23 PM
Suave y Fuerte
All I want... is a drink with an umbrella in it.
12-08-2014 03:06 AM
anticipating future problems and giving good advice that gets ignored and then having to hear complaints later. just want to scream I TOLD YOU SO. i actually know what the fuck i'm talking about sometimes.
12-08-2014 04:10 AM
I feel so fucking guilty talking like this, I mean I'm typing this from a five star hotel, and all I paid for was the Weihenstephaner Vitus I sank tonight. I've got a life that most people could only dream of, yet I'm still not happy...it is just that nobody really understands what I have to go through. Not all disabilities are visible.
I wish I could be accepted for who I am. All my "friendships" are from people I, my parents or the government have paid to bear the sight of me. To know that somebody chose to spend time with me just because they valued me, because I was worth enough to sacrifice other shit they could do in their day, would be heaven. When I finally meet somebody who I truly believe doesn't judge me, and values me for what I can give them, I'll begin to improve. Until then...good luck making me work, making me feel like doing pretty much anything. I am nothing on my own, yeah I pretend to be "special" and "cool" to make myself feel better but I've never achieved anything that I can be proud of, ever.
There are few things I hate more than seeing other guys walk past with pretty girls on their shoulders, smiling and laughing...it's not fair. I have been through hell and there is nothing on the other side for me. I still live in a prison. I deserve something, and there are only two things that I've ever asked for.
12-08-2014 04:34 AM
I know this is the rant thread and it is not customary to give thought or advice upon a particular matter though I must mention that lack of judgement upon who an individual is, is more commonly formulated upon a mutual place of understanding. People who are non-judgemental tend to prefer and accept more than others, others who are non-judgmental. It is slightly paradoxical on the premises of non-judgementalism but it also part of human nature.
Originally Posted by Kullervo
liked this post
12-08-2014 04:46 AM
So a lot of this many people here suspected of you has been confirmed to be rather true in this post due to how candid you're being (despite you saying you're holding back).
Originally Posted by Kullervo
You've crafted a life around yourself that (based off what you're explaining) is hollow, superficial, dishonest, and unfulfilling. It also sounds like there are deep underlying psychological disorders here (you've eluded to it and it sounds like it). Simply put: you need professional help. However, based off what you've explained in the past, you seem very reluctant to seek help, or allow yourself to be open to help that could move you forward. This is a bad mix of circumstances, and potentially dangerous ones at that for yourself.
The root of all of this appears to be from lack of meaningful connection with other human beings. Your life and you have set yourself up to have people around you that could fulfill this need (which everyone has), but it's hollow. Your experience shows that these methods do not work at all, and haven't since it's beginning. Because of this, this needs to stop. Not in the ways of necessity of school/career/requirements of course, but in the way of making friends and connections. You need something new, something fresh.
But there's another problem: You. Yes your circumstances are not good and as they have not worked new approaches need to be undertaken. That said, you will need to do heavy work on yourself before others will really start to bind with you. You have a persistent sense of anger, and really strong entitlement to a lot of stuff, and that sounds like your biggest complaint here believe it or not. The harsh reality is we are entitled to nothing. Believe me, it fucking sucks. I've been smacked upside the head with that before when I was younger a few times. Further, all of these dissatisfactions that you're having are manifesting in resentment and attacking of all things that represent what you have issues with. People see this and sense this all throughout your life, and no one likes it. It's a vicious cycle really: you become unhappy, become resntful and attack others out of spite, which makes you less desirable to others explicitly or implicitly by coloring your persona/presentation, which makes you unhappy more so. Rinse wash repeat.
When I was 20 up until around 22 (I'm 25 now), I was in a lot of emotional pain from a failed week long relationship, and the sudden realization that I deeply wanted a relationship, and in a way felt I deserved it. That no one saw what I had to offer, and that I just needed, and deserved, a chance. Nothing mattered. I even brought myself to a psychologist as I began to experience somatoform symptoms from all of my unsuppressable feelings (I couldn't keep them all down). I learned this year that I have Bipolar II disorder so this was an enormous factor with it all. Still, eventually over time it faded, but I learned some things from it. One of the biggest: really fucking unrealistic expectations for life and for myself. You and I aren't so different in that respect.
You do sound very perfectionistic here, but more so in that you're only willing to accept the most "ideal" case and circumstance in everything, or you'll turn your nose up at it for it being unacceptable. As a result, you reject so many things, and leave yourself open to so little. That is inrediblely stifiling, and starving. It's why you feel so isolated and disconnected, aka starved. As hard as it is to do, you are going to have to lower your standards. Easier said than done, but this is needed. I've had to do it, I am willing to bet your parents had, do. In fact, most people in the world do once we realize how life works. Once done a lot of feelings of peace and placidness comes with it.
So to summarize:
- Realize that even the best and externally objective "ideal" life can be completely unfulfilling and wrong, and that's ok.
- Find new tactics and seek what makes you happy.
- Find a way to find genuine individuals. Bearing in mind they might already be around you.
- Work on yourself. Make yourself a better person.
- Stop being picky, perfectionistic, and spiteful.
MBTI: ExxJ tetramer
Functions: Fe > Te > Ni > Se > Si > Ti > Fi > Ne
1w2 - 3w4 - 6w5 (The Taskmaster) | sp/so
β-E dimer |
Big 5: slOaI
Alignment: Lawful Neutral
External Perception: Nohari
12-08-2014 05:27 AM
Nobody doubts you deserve something, the first thing being the attention of a mental health professional. No matter how objectively lucky your living conditions are and how well you think you should be doing, it is okay to be miserable. So do yourself one favor: Instead of whining and throwing a tantrum once in a while to get someone to notice your misery, do the adult thing and seek help yourself. All you need to do is that one first step. Things get easier once it is done. If you want to, you can hide it from your parents initially. But to escape the depression, you have to make a move.
Originally Posted by Kullervo
12-08-2014 06:22 AM
being too pissed off to sleep while having to listen to the person who made you angry snore. face is looking so punchable right now
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