Listening, what was so black and desolate melted away like magic. Even if I only felt this way for a moment, nobody could take that moment away from me. It's funny how everybody turns around and looks at me like I'm weird when I say this, I know this will sound gushy and affected, melodramatic at the very least. I am sure you guys won't have missed these rants. But...I just don't ever feel more alive. So fuck everybody! I want, at least some of the time, to be able to be who I am without feeling ashamed.
'Consciousness is not simply a sensory-perceptual affair, a matter of mental imagery, as the contents of our mind would have us believe. It is deeply enmeshed with the brain mechanisms that automatically promote action readiness' - Jaak Panksepp
Do you ever have that time when you can't help but think of the saddest possible things. Even when you are hugging someone you care about with all your might all you can think about are those people who have no one to hug who are dying from lack of care? It usually happens to me when I am lacking it sleep, but it sucks, Being around people I care about won't get rid of it, taking something to help me sleep only makes it worse before I sleep and then I get bad dreams. Ughhh it's horrible it makes me want to die so I don't have to deal with how overwhelming the feeling is. Maybe I'm just horrible with my emotions, but when you think of the people you care about and you never want to hurt them and then you think of all the bad in the world and know how many people are being hurt it's so hard to be happy.