My diet over the last two and half weeks has consisted of nothing more than raisin bread, a 72 count bag of over sized marshmallows, and pizza flavored goldfish crackers. I lived a goodmedicore slightly below average life.
How can you simultaneously talk on the phone over loudspeaker, eat, play stupid online games and make excessively loud and embarassing comments that are impossible to ignore (even with earplugs) for over 8 hours ON END and then complain about someone else hogging the 'net because you need more inane phone conversation and online gaming?
Why is my receptionist blasting "Santa Baby" in fucking JUNE of all times. She's not Aussie, so no excuses. I really don't need to imagine Mrs. Claus the wrinkled hag stripping and seducing old, fatass horny Santa.
I'm about to go make her turn it off, or at least use earphones. I cannot wait another 2:57 minutes.
Well, it seems that my parents are on the verge of divorce now that my mom has absolutely expunged my dad dry of his finances, while his conscience has fallen to pieces. So now she's probably going to feed off of someone else, while trying to maintain the illusion she's helping anyone with her obsessive housework. I mean, threatening for divorce is pretty typical in these situations, but shes so dependent, she has no choice. Obviously, she doesn't value human life in the least, and would gladly work whatever system is at her disposal to execute anyone she's dehumanized. She doesn't have the capacity to be responsible for herself because, childishly, she assumes that those around her are establishing guidelines. No one even wants to be around her. No one wants to listen to each other in my family. I don't, even. But at least I've been more productive and less worthless in the past few months. I've applied to just about every local restaurant/grocery store/bookstore I can think of, except for wal mart. Some Hispanic carpenter and I had a chit-chat on the bus yesterday; he cheerfully said he son was interviewed the day after he applied. I couldn't understand 3 fourths of what was said, but even though he got by on public transportation, he was extremely content. He loved what he did. For some perverse reason I just envisioned finding out about his death next time I use that route; that would be disheartening.
My tooth is still driving me nuts after I had that crown put in; occasionally it wiggles its way up and causes a headache. I'm not sure if this is normal. I should probably call tomorrow.
I've gained some friends, but it seems like I'm doing most of the effort in the relationships. I'm questioning if I really want them, or if this obsessive push-pull feeling is caused by the knowledge of necessity. The knowledge that I'll cave in on myself if I don't have some social apparatus. And, like ages past, I'm the black sheep. I can't stand to put my best foot forward just to have it crunched. It leaves me feeling like the foot isn't even worthy; meanwhile, somehow I come across as some sort of intellectually pompous cockblock. Am I just creating this tragedy in my head? I need to surround myself with more positive people, like that guy on the bus. Man, he was more inspiring than any form of art imaginable.