I want to rant but there's no reason to. I want to talk to people but there's no reason to. I'm going to turn sane and productive but there's no reason to - except to live perhaps.
Do you know when you fall forwards and yet it feels as if your "heavy point" is still at your feet or slightly behind you in the middle of your legs? And then when in the fall, you don't stay in the world but you fall forward without ever hitting ground and you keep on spinning around like a merry-go-round? And then you pick yourself up only to imagine that the world you thought could support you is only there to delude you? And suddenly the nice little man is speaking only gibberish and thinks he knows very well what you are going through? At that state, there's no going back and yet you have a notion that everyone else went backwards a long time ago but you didn't. What made you stop to think about why you kept on going forward? Why did you try to make sense of it and how come there's thousands and thousands of books for self-progression when all that is needed is a bit of focus from your own side and to stop trying to delude yourself into thinking that what you want is what everyone wants. I get it but it's ignorant to your own self. And this is a rant.
Been going nuts trying to remember the name of the song or artist to locate the clip. I seem to recall his name was Ed or Eddie something, the song is about a girl and it might be a black and white clip which has a sixties mod flavour to it, same as the song. The song has very minimum lyrics, kind of lame-ish but I like the guitar riffs in it. It's a few years old too.
So if this clip or song is familiar to anyone, plse post it!
Whenever I think about hatred this comes up:
READ ON YOUR OWN RESPONSIBILITY; Horrible image ensues:
Whenever I think of hate I find myself having a metal jar just opened and then taking the rough edge to my upper jaw and shredding my flesh just above the teeth until it starts breaking off parts of the root of the teeth.
I think it is mentally, emotionally, and physically impossible for me to be alone for extended periods of time. I generally hate people when I'm forced to be around them, but going a couple days without talking to anyone, I feel like I'm losing my fucking mind. It's so pathetic and disheartening to know that I actually rely on people.
And TLC needs to stop making shows that make me sob uncontrollably.
Dentist, you drug peddling wanton! You suburban Pablo Escobar!
When I say I don't NEED a prescription for Vicodin for a frickin' root canal, I MEAN JUST THAT. I don't mean "I'm asking you to offer me Demerol instead". But you did it anyway! And you actually stood there and regaled me with tales about how these drugs have calming effects on the nerves. Was I twitching in my chair? Was I flailing around the room in a manner which suggested I needed drugs with nerve calming effects? No, according to your own words, you wished you had more patients who were as cooperative and quiet as me. Was this your convoluted way of rewarding me?
"You were such a good patient, here, go and stone out like a champ and potentially develop a dangerous dependency, it's on me!"
Even when you said you were only doing it because the pain might increase later and it's harder to fill prescriptions over the phone, you refused to prescribe anything milder. You wrote TWO effing prescriptions, one for Vicodin and one for Demerol, and jammed them into my hand as if we were playing some sick, unspoken junkie game!!
The pain DID increase later, and man it hurt, but I did not fill your foul prescriptions, Dentist Pusher Man!!! Sure, I was drooling and cringing and sort of wanting to go ahead and get those happy pills but I DID NOT WANE!! I made due with my good friend Mr. Advil, and we did just fine!!
So your plan failed. Your plan to have me get addicted to opiates until I stopped eating, sleeping, or (most importantly) brushing my teeth to the point I would require even more root canals FAILED!!
"Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get, but if you work really hard, and you're kind, amazing things will happen. I'm telling you...amazing things will happen" --Conan O'Brien