Today I had a prolonged traumatic experience. And I find it stirs up old feelings. But most of all it affects my ability to write. It's as though I am all gummed up inside. But I can slowly feel it working itself out. It's just that I am in the middle of it. And I know I am not being rational. But in a sense I don't want to be. I want the feelings to play themselves out so they get over their shock and back in touch with the world.
But I have lost my elan, my joie de vivre, has gone. I am subdued. But my mind is working like mad, rationalising, trying to find a way out. But the more I try to find a way out, the more I am caught in the feelings. And that's as it should be. I am here to listen to my feelings, whatever they are.
And that's what makes me happy today.