Yeah. I know what you mean. For me, the med. just takes the edge off. It really doesn't take the anxiety away. I'm not sure exactly what you mean by "more internal" about it... I actually feel that the meds. make it more difficult for me socially. While I'm on the anti-anxiety med., I can act "normally" socially and conduct daily tasks in a "normal" way, I still feel bad inside. It feels alienating because everyone thinks that I'm just fine when everything could be further from the truth. And yeah, most people don't want to here about suffering. So we suffer in silence.
Yeah, that's a bit how I feel. Just internalizing my feelings, but not really emoting them. Eh, it's whatever.
Well, tonight should be fun. I'm probably going to have two angry cats since one can't have food after 6 PM.... And then no water after midnight.... Yeah, they'll be ticked off... I sense a sleepless night in my future.
The law no passion can disturb. 'Tis void of desire and fear, lust and anger. 'Tis mens sine affectu, written reason, retaining some measure of the divine perfection. It does not enjoin that which pleases a weak, frail man, but, without any regard to persons, commands that which is good and punishes evil in all, whether rich or poor, high or low. 'Tis deaf, inexorable, inflexible. On the one hand it is inexorable to the cries and lamentations of the prisoners; on the other it is deaf, deaf as an adder, to the clamors of the populace.
One of my very favorite legal quotes falling shortly behind this from the Marquis de Beccaria:
If I have no other merit than that of having first presented to my country, with a greater degree of evidence, what other nations have written and are beginning to practice, I shall account myself fortunate; but if by supporting the rights of mankind and of invincible truth, I shall contribute to save from the agonies of death one unfortunate victim of tyranny, or of ignorance, equally fatal, his blessing and tears of transport will be a sufficient consolation to me for the contempt of all mankind.
Your representative owes you, not his industry only, but his judgment; and he betrays, instead of serving you, if he sacrifices it to your opinion.
- Edmund Burke
Okay, I like honest critique, but I hate dumb critique. So the main character of my big fat project is in fact a pretty unsympathetic person who's showing diva behaviour. That gives her the right to be childish from time to time and lay down underneath her bed eating chips all day long when she's feeling down. Nobody is a saint. Everybody has their own bad traits and guess what, my main character is still more likeable than most people. The bitch is just real! And yes, it IS possible to lay underneath a bed. I have this Ikea bed and if I just pull out all the stuff that's underneat it, I can lay down under it. You can also lay down underneath my father's dubble bed. I just checked if I could and I indeed succeeded at laying down underneath the damn thing and I'n not even a model. There is enough space underneath most beds you can buy. And how smart do you have to be to notice that some people say they're depressed when they're just feeling down a tiny little bit? I'm not the one to be mocking that because of my own past with severe depression and suicidalism, I just noticed it and used it. I mean, seriously. Open your fucking eyes. The world isn't made out of angels whp never say something that could hurt anyone and whose beds are placed flat on the ground. Go to your fucking room and play a princess.
I was sitting outside the classroom waiting to go in, and I saw an airplane hit the tower. The TV was obviously on. I used to fly myself and I said, "There's one terrible pilot."
- George W. Bush -
My mind feels like it's been shedding away, being so, as I was dealing with the usual hoo-ha of reality. Time's been flying, and from the second I stepped away from people, the second I return - I feel useless again.