omg, I was just kind of recalling and going over my mind a bit how stifling everyone is to me, how cold, uncaring, and how much others have tried to discourage me, and then I remembered while I was playing my guitar how often people in Montreal said nice things to me about my playing and everything and were kind of friendly or at least showed human emotion even if they were assholes ( to which a lot of people were) but of course, a lot of people from other parts of the country or were were assholes, or weird, but in that weird psychopathic cold, way, but the Montreal, nasty crusty boisterous asshole, but will laugh with you while they're an asshole and at least in some way know they are. I just realized, there really is no choice anymore, it's like my haven and get away. It's my only alternative at this point.
The only downside is the whole language and French thing, I mean realistically I'm not going to have a decent or normal and even career for a long time.
On the plus side, I have learned "Reapers almost completely by Muse and also I have almost got all the songs I have wanted down for busking, just not perfectly but I think all I needed to do was spend all day unattended to with nothing else. I have a new kind of focus or something, because it's like I've finally completely shed any doubt or shame I've had before and realized that even though most of the people around me think I'm shit I know it's not my problem.
I just feel so free. I walk around the city and I look at the large skyscrapers, and I noticed they moved in a giant Microsoft building now and I just realized, "wow, I'm completely free, everyone thinks I'm a loser but I am free of all of this"
This song is so hard! well kind of, but once you get the basic down it's not too hard but obviously it's Muse's hardest song on the guitar, and I am going to take out the "killed by" to only "drones"
oh and I got Muse's "Time is running out" almost done too, but it was hard getting it just right because all the tabs and stuff were wrong a little so I had to use my ear to fix it. The only song I am going to struggle with is Jimi Hendrix's "All along the Watchtower" version, which is a bitch to learn. I only learned the first quarter and it took me like all day. I am surprised I do not have carpel tunnel syndrome yet.
"RULE WITH LIES AND DECEIT, AND THE WORLD IS ON YOUR SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDE"
Wow, weird I was looking at Donald Trump's wife and I realized, not only will we have no feelings or selves anymore but we will not have real faces either. But as long as it gives people "jobs" or something.
I just realized I think that if I don't succeed at something artistic then I will probably die. When I do things I don't find interesting I day dream all day about what I'd rather do and I've always felt this deep need to do what I want to do, and what feels authentic and natural to me and in my own way, or I just day dream all the time. So, I am basically screwed. I will just die.
Summer is here and I am bored. I got nothing purposeful to do. Sent out job applications to several institutions to find work for fall but no employer has yet to contact me.
Maybe I'll research some obscure topic for fun and that'll keep me entertained and give me a sense I am contributing something. But its no fun when you're working for yourself. It feels like intellectual masturbation.
There was a mass shooting this afternoon in Munich. The situation is still totally unclear. At least 8 people dead. Possibly three perpetrators still on the run on the streets. The population has been asked to stay indoors. It looks like a terror attack but could be anything right now.
I am surprised noone has discussed this yet on the forum.
9 people dead and at least a dozent injured. Turns out the perpetrator was an 18 year old highschool student, a lone gunman. With dual German-Iranian citizenship but no apparent religious or political motivation. No criminal history but in psychological treatment and apparently obsessed for some time with the idea of running amok.
He even yelled "I am German" and " I grew up here " at some people. He ended up shooting himself in front of police officers.
The good life is one inspired by love and guided by knowledge. Neither love without knowledge, nor knowledge without love can produce a good life. - Bertrand Russell A herring's blog Johari / Nohari