I just realized that I love my professor for scheduling exams on Fridays because it makes it easier for me to pretend that I don't actually have something to be studying so I feel less guilty spending the day rewatching Game of Thrones and drinking wine in unmarked and darkly colored boxes out of styrofoam cups and politely eating a pot of very shitty peas.
My dad had a bunch of fake 1000 dollar bills in his room. I asked him why and he said that every time he goes to Vegas he brings them and crumples them up and throws them in the corners of elevators and things so people are tricked into thinking they're finding free money on the ground. Why is he like this
"P-please don't stare at me like that. I get so...terribly shy."